AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

I wouldn't stay with a bloke if my dog hated him, let alone my own daughter

If it is genuine I feel very sorry for her daughter indeed.

I have wondered if this is all genuine too to be honest.

This is similar to a situation my friend is in.
He got the call from the school early in the year that his two young teens didn't want to go home to their mums. All because of the "step" dads behavior towards them.
They are only just starting to visit their mum every other weekend and she's still refusing to understand the reason they left is because of her partner!!

6 months later, their dad now has full custody, gets maintenance from their mum and child benefit.

Treat this with the seriousness it deserves or you could lose her...

It doesn’t need to be ‘kind’. Op has chosen to be in this position, and she could choose not to be in it by prioritizing her daughter over her partner. She won’t, though. She’s not desperate, she’s spiteful.

Fair

Being kind is a form of enabling shitty actions and behaviours. Call it what it is.

This woman has a new guy living with her that her daughter's afraid of and it's serious enough that she's now at her dad's and her GP changed so there's been court involvement. She won't give the daughter her personal items.

Mom is extremely transactionsl and there will likely be a child support change since the daughter is now living full time with her dad. Follow the money.

How do you take it that OP is clutching at straws to keep her DD? Genuine question because I think I must be reading different threads...

But what are posters supposed to say when, as you say, the OP has apparently ignored the overwhelming number of sensible comments?
She seems to be playing the 'poor me' card and just ignore if posters disagree with her.
That's supposing this is all real....

The world won't become a better place if people stop being blunt with those causing harm.

She's refusing to let her child have her teddies. I think that's dreadful, spiteful behaviour.

To be clear I am not validating her choices. My post wasn’t intended to land that way. I personally think dd should be allowed to go and live at dads. I think there is more to the fact dd doesn’t want to live at mums with the fiancé there. Supporting her dd and allowing her to reside with dad would be better for OP’s relationship with her dd. Just think the world is already a shit place.
OP appears to be clutching at straws to try to keep her dd but some comments are not pleasant when the obvious has already been stated to the OP numerous times.

I had to come back and check was this the OP from the other thread. @Bigglebiggle your behaviour is a problem no matter how much you try to play the victim, your own personal issues are shining through your words.

Sort yourself out your DD needs a decent parental stop playing the victim you are utterly tiresome. .

Why do we need to #BeKind to someone who has failed a child so badly? Don't validate her terrible choices.

Have you seen her new thread today? The one where she's refusing to let the DD have her personal possessions (teddies and trinkets)?

Go and have a look and see if you still feel the same.

She absolutely is not desperate.
If someone was desperate they would LISTEN to their teen daughters concerns about an unrelated man living in her house and why she feels unsafe. Instead she has chosen this man over her DD.

Personally don’t think this is kind. We are not in her position. She is desperate to keep her child with her. She already knows all of this. Probably doesn’t need a stranger pointing this out so bluntly. Agree with the majority that she should listen to her daughter and allow daughter to live with dad. No smoke without fire and all but we are not her / in her position

She starts threads asking if she's BU, ignores the massive majority who say yes, you ARE BU, then proceeds to show in a new thread just why her DD wanted to leave the house. She's just awful.

Sorry, I thought the previous two posts were on OP's new thread where she is asking if she should allow her daughter to pick up her teddies and other trinkets.

This is a pretty good summary but I doubt OP is going to understand it, let alone affect her actions.

Well in theory he shouldn't as you both have parental responsibility and no court order. In reality you'll spend £££ fighting this in family court for an unfavourable outcome.
Here's some hard truths OP:

• She doesn't like your husband
• She doesn't want to live with your husband
• If you choose to fight your Ex in court she is going to tell CAFCASS she doesn't want contact with your husband / you by proxy and CAFCASS will feed this back to your judge
• She is old enough to have a serious say on her own life
• Your Ex is happy to have custody and your DD is happy to be in his custody so unless you have water tight proof he is the devil incarnate a judge is going to give him primary custody

The way we feel about people doesn't have to be equal, and surely you know this? She can like her Dad's wife and not like her Mum's husband. She is entitled to make up her own mind about those around her on an individual level.

Let her live with your ex and get the space she needs. Maybe she'll realise the grass isn't greener and come home. Maybe she'll find happiness at her Dad's. Who knows. But one thing you do know is that dragging her home kicking and screaming will only fuel her antics and make her hate you and your husband more.

Look, your DD is so unhappy and unsettled at your DP living there and you getting married (more power shift to him) that she has uprooted herself at a very young age and asked to live with her dad, even moving schools away from the friends and teachers she knows.

That is quite an upheaval for a 13 year old.

She feels unsafe. Even if there is no substance to that statement, this is how she feels. A man unrelated to her, who tells her what to do, lives in her house. She is 13, on the cusp of going through loads of hormonal changes and she feels unsafe.

You aren't listening.

if they have pr the school cant do anything unless you have a court order to stop it

Her dad didn’t turn her against you. You can take the blame for that yourself. You’ve given her a hostile, unstable home environment.

It cannot be good for a child to feel secure when her mother has had several relationships as OP has stated. Disruption on that scale is bound to result in separation anxiety - just as she gets used to the new person in her mother’s life he is gone and there’s another one on the horizon. No-one is saying OP should not have any relationships, just not to have serial live-in partners. It appears that her dad has a stable relationship and it is no wonder that the child wants to feel secure with him rather than the upheaval she is subjected to in her mother’s home. And why not when mother puts her own wishes before those of her child?