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AIBU?

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AIBU to expect household jobs to be finished properly?

37 replies

SharpBlueBear · 11/06/2026 10:32

Not a major issue, but something we disagree on so just trying to see if I am being unreasonable or not. DH says I am being controlling/ungrateful when he does a chore/job in the house but doesn't finish it fully & I am then a bit annoyed that I have to.

Some examples are:

  • Will take out kitchen bins if they are full but then doesn't put a new bag in which inevitably I end up doing as need to use the bin.
  • Will get the vacuum out & use it but then leaves it out, not back in the cupboard where he got it out from.
  • If he unloads the dishwasher (not very often) will leave half the bits out on the side as he 'doesn't know where they go' - we've lived in the house for 9 years now & the kitchen has always been the same!
  • If he loads the dishwasher (again not often) does it very haphazardly so not much fits in or won't get cleaned properly so I have to reorganise it before it can go on.

Just a few examples off the top of my head. However there are often times when he will absentmindedly leave cups/mugs/plates/drink cans/clothes around that I also have to pick up/tidy away.

For context, both 33, 2 kids - 5 & 1. DH works full time self employed, I work part time 2 days. Nursery/School runs are shared but I do majority.
I do most, if not all life/home admin. I do all Nursery/school admin, I take care of getting all kids clothes/shoes etc.
I do all meal planning, shopping & 95% of cooking. All laundry & most of the cleaning etc in the house is on me too. We both contribute to bills etc.

So AIBU to expect if DH does jobs/chores in the house that he actually finishes them? Or am I just being picky & ungrateful?

OP posts:
muddyford · 11/06/2026 12:47

SockPlant · 11/06/2026 11:38

Nope. Half a job doesn't count as done. Early on in my case I just used the bins and he had to wash them.
.
Just walk round jobs half-done. Through gritted teeth. Trip over the vacuum, put wet waste in the bin. Run the dishwasher. Use not-properly clean crockery for his dinner...

I was going to suggest similar. Always leave the hoover where he'll fall over it. Use the improperly washed things for his meals. Leave bin bag out. Keep your own crockery separate and wash it separately. Put things left out of the dishwasher into it before he empties it. He's not bothered so give him a taste of it.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 11/06/2026 12:32

YANBU.

Doesn’t know where kitchen stuff goes?? Ridiculous.

Your point about loading the dishwasher though - according to my DH, I load the dishwasher like a madwoman, because it’s not done to his standards of the way he thinks it should be done. So now I just leave it to him. Not putting the hoover away or putting a fresh bin bag in is obviously not finishing the job and would be incredibly annoying. The dishwasher thing is just him not doing it as efficiently as you’d like. But I can see how in combination with the other things it would wind you up.

GinaandGin · 11/06/2026 12:29

Weaponised incompetence
I don't buy the "they don't do any better "
They do
They wouldn't get on like this with their boss.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2026 12:27

Oh and I had to explain to DS about plugging the cordless hoover back in after using only yesterday!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2026 12:26

Not finishing jobs is something I have to pick up my teenagers on, esp DS12. I wouldn’t accept it from an adult!

Examples here include not putting a new bin bag in/ replacing the bin bag I use in the recycling bins (the recycling gets tipped into the outside bins, and the bag returned until it starts falling apart).

Emptying the dishwasher includes putting in anything that’s on the side waiting for the dishwasher to be emptied! (Never very much but as it’s one person’s job to empty it, sometimes they don’t get to it straight away)

Beigepjs · 11/06/2026 12:21

He sees you as the house skivvy.
Sorry.
He sounds awful and that type of lazy, selfish, arsehole behaviour is why women go off men.

Gigglegiggle · 11/06/2026 11:39

I call mine "Arthur Job" because of this.

SockPlant · 11/06/2026 11:38

Nope. Half a job doesn't count as done. Early on in my case I just used the bins and he had to wash them.
.
Just walk round jobs half-done. Through gritted teeth. Trip over the vacuum, put wet waste in the bin. Run the dishwasher. Use not-properly clean crockery for his dinner...

tiramisugelato · 11/06/2026 11:35

Hm, I think both DH and I can be guilty of this sometimes 🫣

itsanamething · 11/06/2026 10:55

You both should read "The marriage lesson I learned too late" by Matthew Fray.

There's no excuse for doing half a job. Your husband knows it as well as you do.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 11/06/2026 10:41

Mine is the same. But I recognise similar behaviour in myself, just not with cleaning, so I try not to get resentful!

NoKnit · 11/06/2026 10:38

No mine is exactly the same.

However he also claims i leave jobs unfinished maybe he is right