AIBU to expect household jobs to be finished properly?

I started calling DH half-a-job Harry at one point. It was meant and received as a gentle tease, but it did improve performance 🙃

Google strategic incompetence

Omg how is my OH finding the time to live with you as well as me?! Literally could have written every word of this except the ages!

Buy him a copy of This is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray - it's very eye opening.

Try, DH hasn't been able to get meds since he was diagnosed last year due to shortages

DH does some things like this, if isn't rare that he's doing chores though, he probably does the dishwasher more than I do for example and the bins. He does leave cupboards open, the hoover out, doesn't always put a new bin bag in. I don't do it for him though, if I see it I just say to him did you get distracted while doing x? He'll roll his eyes at himself and finish it. He does have ADHD though so I don't interpret it as being wilful.

Mine is called half a job Harry 😂

Oh yes, I could have written this, I call mine 'half a job'! It's not done in malice, but just doesn't seem to see that if you're the one cleaning up kitchen after dinner you need to do all of it and not just leave parts undone, like wipe the worktops or not wash the saucepans cause they didn't fit in the dishwasher. Yes to also unloading dishwasher and leaving some of things on the table as he doesn't know where they go! He does lots of things around the house in fairness, but yes this drives me mad too!

Does he do half the job for his clients too or just in the home? If not, he knows exactly what he's doing.

You are just another household appliance to him, the one that cleans up after him. Perhaps it is time for you to have a malfunction?

Friend had your issue and she went on ‘strike’ for the things that weren’t don’t correctly … 2 weeks and it’s was all sorted apparently! She didn’t do laundry except her own, left the dishes, didn’t empty the dishwasher, didn’t put the bin bag back in etc etc

Mine does this - he knows where everything goes in the kitchen but chucks dishes and pans in the cupboard haphazardly even though he knows messy cupboards piss me off immensely.
He takes the rolls of foil, baking paper etc out of their boxes to cut some and then puts empty box + roll back in the drawer separately.
Leaves his wet clothes in the washer sometimes for days, forcing me to deal with it so I can use the machine, and then says "I could've done that!"
It makes me rage.

Make him finish them properly. He's quite capable, he just doesn't give a fuck because he knows you'll do it, it's really disrespectful.

Stop finishing these jobs for him.

“I can see you’ve emptied the bin but haven’t put a bag in, would you be able to do that please.”

”if you’re done with the hoover can you put it back please.”

if he accuses you of nagging tell him that if he just did the job properly you wouldn’t be having to remind him to and that it’s frustrating to have to finish his half finished jobs.

so many women feel they have to be quiet when the nagging word comes out but it’s used for exactly that reason, to shut you down and make you feel that you’re wrong.

You are definitely not being unreasonable - but I would not choose this hill to die on.

It’s called weaponised incompetence. If he does the job badly enough you’ll stop asking him to do it and just do it yourself.

Im sure he’s a perfectly capable human being when it comes to his tasks during his paid job away from the home or when it comes to booking a trip with his friends etc.

Put your foot down and stop letting it slide otherwise you’ll just end up doing everything for everyone and despising him.

Me too!!

Weaponised incompetence

Unless he has unmedicated ADHD there is no excuse for this. If he has unmedicated ADHD, he should get medications.

Honestly, my Dh can be a bit like this but after your post, I am never going to complain again because he occassionally doesn't wipe the surfaces after he's cleaned the kitchen

The "I don't know where things go" argument is the one that would make me the most mad becuase it's indicative of a much bigger problem where he is 100% uninterested in how the house runs.

I bet this is the tip of the iceberg. He sounds like a complete dick frankly.

"DH says I am being controlling/ungrateful when he does a chore/job in the house..."

Why should you be grateful if he does some of the household chores? Presumably he contributes to creating the dust that needs hoovering/dirty dishes/filling the bin etc etc. Is he grateful when you do the job properly?

It makes me really cross when I read about the division of household labour and how many people feel they can treat their partners. OP, I am fuming on your behalf!

See I completely disagree with this, I do a couple of the above things quite a lot but completely unintentionally.

The bin thing drives DH mad but it is absolutely not on purpose, I will tie the bin up, l take it out - which is through the house, round the garden down to the side of the house where the wheely bin is kept, usually on the way back in Ds or DH stops me or something distracts me and then I'm onto my 5th thing before remembering that the bin needs a new bag in.

Vacuum - I'll take it upstairs, use it but then start on something else, I'm not taking it downstairs until I'm actually going that way rather than immediately as finished but if DH then comes upstairs he thinks too that it's been 'left out'

however DH is the one not allowed to stack the dishwasher as he's terrible at it and will claim it's full when it absolutely is not!

What I'm trying to say is - living with someone else can often be a bit shit because they just aren't you and nor will they always do things the way you want but that doesn't make either of you instantly wrong.

Weaponised incompetence.

I spotted you saying “have too” three times. You don’t. Another choice. Just don’t for a while