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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find lazy adults really grating?

717 replies

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:26

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 11/06/2026 07:45

KateSixer · 11/06/2026 07:35

I think you are getting a hard time here. Obviously how she leads her life is up to her but maybe in 20 years time you will have a nice house and car while she's living in a bedsit!

People reap what they sow!

Eh? Can you explain how the sleeping patterns and hobbies of the OP and her friend have any effect on their housing situations?

6ate9 · 11/06/2026 07:45

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/06/2026 07:40

I agree OP.

I may get flamed but I have contempt for people who want to lie around in bed all day. I think for grown adults its utterly lame.

Firstly because its a huge waste of your life. Secondly it tends to push work onto others. If you’re in a family and you lie in bed until 2-3pm it means your spouse is picking up your work and your kids are suffering.

Not so bad if you’re single but I just baulk at the waste of opportunities to do something fun and valuable with your life. I couldn’t live with someone like that.

A huge waste of time- according to you what should people be doing? She has a job.

What valuable things should be doing?

If you spend most of your free time reading is that considered a waste of time in your book?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2026 07:44

Also - look into your use of the words “she has the nerve”.

Morning people don’t seem to like being called out on wanting everything their own way.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2026 07:43

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:38

To be honest yes I do because while she works 6 hour days so that she can “bed rot” (she wears it like a badge of pride) and scroll on social media, I’m out at the gym, running, at social groups, with other friends. Then she has the nerve to look down on others

I also think she’s doing it as she’s fed up of you judging her.

Just don’t be friends as you clearly don’t like her

moderateme · 11/06/2026 07:43

I wouldn’t find it grating but if she genuinely has no interests of hobbies outside of work I might not find I had much in common with her. Why are you friends?

ConstanzeMozart · 11/06/2026 07:43

You’ve gone down the wrong route criticising her for when she gets up. What would really piss me off is being mocked for having hobbies and interests.
She sounds dull. When she’s not at work does she just vegetate? What do you find to talk about?

concertinacornflake · 11/06/2026 07:42

This is a toxic friendship on both sides. You are being judgemental and critical, and you describe her using ridicule.

The actual choices each of you are making are fine, it is both of your attitudes that are the issue.

This: I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends is absolute nonsense btw.

socks1107 · 11/06/2026 07:41

She works, it’s up to her what she does in her spare time. Just because you like hobbies doesn’t mean everyone does.
Maybe your friendship has run its course

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2026 07:41

You are incredibly unreasonable.

I sort of would understand being annoyed if a friend never wants to do anything.

But being so self centred as to think everyone should keep the same hours as you, or saying it’s “a pillar of being an adult” to live by the hours that you naturally gravitate too is ridiculous.

If I said you’re lazy for being asleep at 10, lolling in bed at 10pm when people are using that time productivity, what would you think?

(Chose a very early time on purpose - perhaps you’re not in bed quite as early as 10, but substitute 11 or midnight or whenever you go to bed)

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/06/2026 07:40

I agree OP.

I may get flamed but I have contempt for people who want to lie around in bed all day. I think for grown adults its utterly lame.

Firstly because its a huge waste of your life. Secondly it tends to push work onto others. If you’re in a family and you lie in bed until 2-3pm it means your spouse is picking up your work and your kids are suffering.

Not so bad if you’re single but I just baulk at the waste of opportunities to do something fun and valuable with your life. I couldn’t live with someone like that.

6ate9 · 11/06/2026 07:40

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:35

It’s less about the sleeping pattern (although annoying - you’re an adult, not a teenager), but more about the fact she does nothing all day, nothing at the weekends, and has the nerve to ridicule me for having productive hobbies!

Why does it bother you that she chooses to do nothing? She has an active job working with children so she’s probably on the go during work.

Larrythecatforpm · 11/06/2026 07:39

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:38

To be honest yes I do because while she works 6 hour days so that she can “bed rot” (she wears it like a badge of pride) and scroll on social media, I’m out at the gym, running, at social groups, with other friends. Then she has the nerve to look down on others

Tell her next time “shut up Susan, you’re being rude you like to lie in bed all day, whereas I have hobbies what’s wrong with that?.” Just shut her down.

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:39

redskyAtNigh · 11/06/2026 07:38

So it's the ridiculing that is the issue, and not what she does? That's not what your post said ...

I find the whole thing aggravating. She’s an adult, not a teenager.

OP posts:
Polishyourshoes · 11/06/2026 07:39

Maybe she thinks you're lazy because you go to bed so early while she's able to stay awake until 3am.

Harhar · 11/06/2026 07:39

EnoughRain · 11/06/2026 07:35

You clearly think you’re superior. If I were your ‘friend’ I’d totally wind you up with lazy stories. Sanctimony isn’t a good trait.

I agree with this. You’re probably getting on her nerves by looking down on her so she’s retaliating. Try not discussing your gym and running hobbies and see what happens.

Larrythecatforpm · 11/06/2026 07:38

TheWineoftheChicken · 11/06/2026 07:37

Why? If she’s then up until 3am the following morning, that’s 12 hours in which she can do things.

But she’s not she’s ridculuing op for having hobbies…

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:38

EnoughRain · 11/06/2026 07:35

You clearly think you’re superior. If I were your ‘friend’ I’d totally wind you up with lazy stories. Sanctimony isn’t a good trait.

To be honest yes I do because while she works 6 hour days so that she can “bed rot” (she wears it like a badge of pride) and scroll on social media, I’m out at the gym, running, at social groups, with other friends. Then she has the nerve to look down on others

OP posts:
TheWineoftheChicken · 11/06/2026 07:38

Why are you friends with someone who ‘grates’ on you so much?

redskyAtNigh · 11/06/2026 07:38

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:36

Because she has the nerve to ridicule me! When all she does (literally) is sit in bed

So it's the ridiculing that is the issue, and not what she does? That's not what your post said ...

TheWineoftheChicken · 11/06/2026 07:37

Larrythecatforpm · 11/06/2026 07:31

Lies in bed till 3pm? She may as well stay in bed the whole day!

Why? If she’s then up until 3am the following morning, that’s 12 hours in which she can do things.

myothersockis · 11/06/2026 07:36

redskyAtNigh · 11/06/2026 07:35

So a person does something of their choice which doesn't harm anyone and has absolutely no impact on you? And you find it grating?

I think the question to ask yourself is "why" you find it grating? Are you under some subconscious pressure to get up and about and do loads of things with your life to make it "meaningful" and it annoys you that she doesn't feel the same necessity?

Because she has the nerve to ridicule me! When all she does (literally) is sit in bed

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 11/06/2026 07:36

It’s not clear here why you’re friends, OP? Or is she really an irritating acquaintance?

TheWineoftheChicken · 11/06/2026 07:36

So she normally sleeps 7-8 hours?

EnoughRain · 11/06/2026 07:35

You clearly think you’re superior. If I were your ‘friend’ I’d totally wind you up with lazy stories. Sanctimony isn’t a good trait.

KateSixer · 11/06/2026 07:35

I think you are getting a hard time here. Obviously how she leads her life is up to her but maybe in 20 years time you will have a nice house and car while she's living in a bedsit!

People reap what they sow!