To find lazy adults really grating?

I’m not a fan of bedrotters either, but running regularly on hard or uneven surfaces isn’t as great for you as you think it is. Most dedicated runners I know have had to call on the NHS to deal with chronic knee problems at least.

My Dd wears her smart watch to work (nursery) with all her steps she does she is too tired for the gym !

Yes, though I suppose making the gym a virtue does rather assist them in not seeing it as selfish.

It is fine you like the gym if that's your thing. But it IS your thing, not some greater service to mankind - just as her friend has different ways she likes to relax.

What does she actually say …and to whom? You are ridiculing her to us, but don’t actually say what she is doing to you

Yep. Whilst her ‘lazy’ friend is running around after small children, making their breakfasts, changing nappies, having eyes in the back of her head, supervising play….

I doubt her friend spends hardly any time on the internet or sat down. Yet the OP is better as she goes to the gym for an hour.

Is she happy? Surely that's what matters. I get out of bed early because if I don't I get depressed but not everyone needs the same. If your friend has found a way of life that works for her then as her friend you should be pleased for her, not critical. Similarly, if going to the gym and being busy makes you happy your friend should be pleased for you.

And if I am perfectly honest, there are a lot of men, in particular, who I do think should really be helping out with their families rather than going to the gym while their partner scrubs the bath clean, hoovers out the car, lugs groceries, pushes prams round the park, lifts toddlers onto swings then goes home and cooks lunch because he is recovering on the sofa from the fact he "works out" and she doesn't. I mean what is the point of all those toned muscles if not to give back by using them?

Absolutely. But thats an entirely different issue isnt it? not all men go to the gym- some do cycling or hiking or dangerous sports which takes time away from their families, or they spend the time at the pub with their mates watching football and getting lairy and horribly drunk, or theyre just flat out lazy and wont get out of bed until midday whilst their wife has been up with the kids since dawn, or they are gaming or smoking weed etc etc

Thats not a gym issue, thats a being a selfish prick issue.

Exactly!

In my late teens/early 20s I worked in childcare, mostly nursery and for some of it school. I have never been so exhausted mentally and physically in my life.

Due to not being well paid, I had to leave that job and I did a 9-5 office job which yes was also mentally tiring but it was so much easier and much better paid. I found with my office job I started going to the gym because I gained weight due to not moving around as much which I didn't need to do when working with children.

I loved working in childcare but there's no way I'm going back, I was too exhausted, always had a headache and not enough money. Being around children is not the same as working with them.

My mother and my father were happily married for many years until my father's recent death. My mother always put the success of their relationship down to the fact that they would "live and let each other live". They spent their retirement each doing their own thing, pottering about, sleeping in late if they felt like it, starting and failing at new and novel exercise routines (my father), laughing affectionately at this (my mother) and shouting up to each other around 11 each morning "do you fancy a cup of tea in the garden?"

My mother has a cousin who will not leave her husband alone for a minute. She always has to know what he's doing, and if she doesn't approve, suggests a job he could be getting on with. He's having a miserable retirement, poor guy. She visited us recently and, on being told that my two children were playing under the bed and would be down shortly to say hello, asked "but WHY are they hiding under the bed? WHAT are they doing under there?"

The one thing I'm afraid I know with complete certainty from your posts is that I would hate, hate, hate to be in a relationship with you. I'm sure you're a hugely worthy person who organises your time very efficiently, but your inability to understand that other people are entitled to enjoy their lives as they see fit, and it's not a moral failing on their part if they don't do so in the same way that you do, would drive me round the bend. I'd be hiding out in the shed, or loft, or under the bed, to escape 😂.

What's wrong with being "lazy" if it doesn't affect anyone else? What's wrong with not caring about exercise - her life, her choice. Why does she have to be productive?

Sounds like the two of you just have very different values and approaches to life

I'm not especially lazy but I think I'd rather be lazy than a judgemental prick.

It’s up to her how she spends her free time. Not everyone likes to go gym etc, sometimes downtime is just not doing much!

Telling people they could be helping neighbours move house rather than going to the gym could also be read as rather smug too.

Yes, well in a way that is exactly the kind of point I am trying to make to the op: we all judge things differently.

And if I am perfectly honest, there are a lot of men, in particular, who I do think should really be helping out with their families rather than going to the gym while their partner scrubs the bath clean, hoovers out the car, lugs groceries, pushes prams round the park, lifts toddlers onto swings then goes home and cooks lunch because he is recovering on the sofa from the fact he "works out" and she doesn't. I mean what is the point of all those toned muscles if not to give back by using them?

Don't be mates with her then if the way she lives her life riles you so much and while you are at don't slag her off online, It's clear you have contempt for her so why hang out with her unless you enjoy feeling superior.

What nonsense.

You think it's immoral to live a life of ones choosing?

And what exactly is 'unhealthy' on a societal level of someone working to earn an income and contribute to society in a really underrated but vital profession of childcare and choosing to spend their spare time doing what they want?

And exactly how have you come to the conclusion that the person discussed here is 'refusing engage with the outside world?'. Because the judgemental OP says they just work and stay home? I don't think that constitutes a refusal to engage with the outside world, I think it's more likely the friend is refusing to engage with the horribly judgmental sneering OP but sees their family and friends, goes shopping and so on.

Just because they're not running or sewing or whatever else the OP thinks makes them superior to the friend doesn't mean they're not living.

I've been into gym, running, yoga etc for most of my life but it certainly didn't help me buy a house.

In fact it is often in direct opposition to that, as I've always wanted to do more exercise and less sitting at my desk working which is the bit that enables me to own a house.

Can you give an example of what this looks like?

Is it during conversation? What sort of thing does she say?

Tbh OP, if I knew you, I think I'd tell you that I lay in bed scrolling, slobbering and eating doughnuts and didn't give a fuck even if it wasn't true, just to wind you up and watch you go. I really couldn't blame her if she's pissing herself over this.

But I think it's far more likely you aren't in her head at all.

My mum works at a nursery and I’ve done a few shifts there back when I was younger and it’s bloody hard work. It’s manual labour with added paperwork and often added drama from parents and coworkers… give her a break.

Do you think she cares about her friend's motivation, she doesn't like her so why do you think the op wants to talk about motivation and her lack of interest?

I woke up at 10am today and will be going to work at 12. After work I won't be going to the gym or any boring classes. There's no trophies dished out for never having a lie in.

Good for you…?
I find it strange why you are so invested in her being a night owl. She has a job, she isn’t hurting anyone. She has built her life around her preferences as have you. All good. Neither one is somehow morally superior.