AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

My nephew had a Thursday wedding, 300 miles away, childfree as well. Luckily MIL was on the way so had DS, one of only two times she did. It meant 2 days off. A relative overseas had their wedding on exam results day and my educational workplace let me go, I was quite amazed they did. People have midweek, overseas, childfree weddings at their own peril.

I can only assume the 5% of people who have said you are unreasonable clicked it accidentally. Or are your SIL. How could anyone see this as unreasonable? I wouldn’t take a secondary school aged child out of school for a wedding, end of. Primary, maybe.

Absolutely this!!

If she lived nearer and it was only 1 day, maybe this would have been just about
do-able (although far from ideal missing days in those crucial years!)

People can get really selfish when it comes to weddings and if she was that bothered about everyone coming she really should have thought about that first.

I’d speak to her and say exactly why you can’t all be there and say to her that if it’s that important to her she needs to change it to a weekend or mid-week during the holidays.

She's being totally unreasonable. For close relatives, she really should have thought this through ahead of time, and if it was really important to her that you were all there then she should have chosen a weekend or holiday date.

Having said that, would it be possible for you to go without the kids? They seem old enough to be left alone?

Why do you assume she's going to have kids? She might be 48 and on her third wedding for all we know!

YANBU. Midweek weddings really only suit the bride & groom’s budget and if no thought is put into the hoops many of the guests have to jump through to be there, then expect a whole host of people to decline, family or not.

I hate weekday weddings. My SIL is getting married tomorrow, loads of her family cannot attend as the children have GCSE Chemistry, she is not happy, but we did say before she booked it.

I don't know why people make these types of choices and sulk or get angry that not everyone is falling into line.
When planning our wedding we made several choices to make it as convienient for our guests as possible because they were people we really wanted to have around us on the day.

Nothing wrong with a midweek wedding (or a destination wedding) as long as the couple graciously accept people’s inability to attend. She’s being very unreasonable to sulk about it.

I wonder if she is getting lots of declines and is now worrying. She probably got swept up in planning and didn't stop to think about logistics.

Personally I'd carry on being kind (we"ll be so excited to see your photos etc) but not engage in her upset. You just can't attend and that's that. Your kids don't need the stress of making up work for this.

YANBU. It was the risk she took in choosing that date.
Nobody is obliged to go to any wedding, anyway.

Your DH going is the best decision I think. I also think deciding now is considerate.

I can understand a smaller and lower cost wedding. In return for which there has to be an acceptance that not everyone can attend.

Midweek weddings are a great way to not spend a fortune on a wedding. But people have to understand that their guests aren't going to want to spend more on their wedding just because the want to spend less, so expecting it to be a wedding with more than a handful of guests (for most couples) is deluded.

I think as its family I would go with your husband if possible and leave the teenagers at home for school but I wouldn't take them out of school if it's near or during the exam period. Year 11 and year 13 should be ok for 2 days.

This reminds me of the Tuesday wedding we went to. Luckily the children only missed one day of primary school but we both had to leave at 9pm to drive back. I wouldn’t have gone in if they were in year 11. Girls went to bed late and struggled to wake up the next day for school. I remember thinking how selfish the bride and groom were, to save money. They seemed surprised we were
leaving! Sorry the whole world doesn’t revolve around you guys, was what I wanted to say to them!

If her priority was saving money she should be delighted that her choices are reducing the guest list to skeleton attendance.

She’s a dumbass. I bet you guys won’t be the only ones missing it or sending a small contingent. A lot of people won’t feel able to miss a couple of days of work either

Your children sound brilliant. Good for them not wanting to miss school!

Let her sulk.
I would not go.

Midweek weddings are the pits. You have to expect people won’t turn up because attending means 2 or 3 days off work never mind school for the children! Also who wants to get wasted and party on a Wednesday? It just isn’t a vibe. Let her sulk, her fault for being cheap.

a wednesday wedding is very inconvenient and selfish

Oh dear. YANBU. OP.

When will people understand the simple fact that very few people care about your wedding in the way you do?? I see these problems all over MN.

I worked with a woman who had gone NC with her teacher aunt because the aunt had declined to come to her wedding on a weekday in termtime. Teachers have long holidays, yes, but they cannot get annual leave for any other day unless it's a close relative's funeral. It seems many people don't realise this.

Stay strong - let her sulk. It's a big ask to expect people to travel 200 miles to your wedding on any day of the year.

I know someone who had a Wednesday wedding, hardly anyone was left by 9 pm at the reception as lots people went home. There was zero atmosphere

If you have your wedding on a weekday (or in a random place) then you have to accept you’ll have guests who cannot come and guests who won’t.

If you want your closest family there you check dates before you book. If you go for the middle of the week you’re gambling attendance