AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

A Friday wedding might have just about been OK but Wednesday 200 miles from home. No thanks.

I think your suggestion of your DH and DBIL going is a good compromise.

The world doesn't revolve around a badly timed wedding.

Text back "The reason why midweek termtime weddings are more affordable is because so many people will find it impossible to attend. I can't do anything about the fact that it's GCSE & A-Level exam year for the kids and it's just not sensible for them to miss a chunk of school for this. We'll be thinking of you and wishing you a brilliant day."

It's a wedding, it's nothing important except to the two people getting married.
She might even be on here in a couple of years moaning and being told to leave her h. There is no way I'd take my kids out of school if I was in your situation.
She's disappointed but she needs to get over it.

@Random321 You’d be wrong about that. Three days in year thirteen could be several missed lessons in a subject and that could be a whole topic. That topic could come up in the exam. The teaching Syllabus at A level is packed and sometimes class revision isn’t possible. The student would have to teach themselves an element of the course.
That is why teachers, schools etc go on about attendance. The statistics show students with higher attendance get better grades. It matters.

The Wednesday wedding thread was only getting positive responses when they elaborated to say they knew all 20 guests well enough to make sure it wasn't a total pain for them.

This is a wedding OP needs to travel to, mid week, term time. The couple are saving themselves money but costing all their guests considerably more time and money than a weekend wedding. There are consequences to that decision, the main one being people not wanting to go.

OP YANBU, but handle it tactfully. I'm not sure the missing school excuse will ring true to a lot of people, so try not to give justifications people will argue against. It's better to cushion this in lots of positives. Just say you and DCs can't make it, will celebrate when we see you, DH is looking forward to it, have a great day.

YANBU, I'm guessing she has gone for a fancy venue that she wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. If your presence was that important to her, she should have gone for a cheaper venue and hosted at the weekend but she has put playing princess for a day above ensuring her family can celebrate with her.

Could you go with your DH and leave the kids at home by themselves for a couple of days?

Definitely agree that the kids shouldn’t go though.

Can’t you go with DH and leave the kids at home?

Exactly!

The couple are expecting people to take at least 1 days annual leave (assuming most people work Monday - Friday). They need to accept some prison can’t or won’t be able to attend.

A mid week wedding in the same town is one thing (the kids could come after school) but one that is 200 miles away is a lot more complicated. Yanbu to not go.

What time of the year is it? I can understand the children not wanting to go anyway, but it's even more ridiculous and short sighted of her if it's in the summer term rather than November say.

If you all live that far apart and she didn't discuss this with you before booking it then you can't be that close anyway. I'd ignore reports of her upset and just send dh and wish them well, looking forward to seeing pics etc.

Anyone that books a weekday wedding and hasn't expected loads of declines, hasn't throught it through. That's not your fault. She's likely upset because she feels a bit daft, but again, not your fault.

Anyone that can attend will go, that's all that can ever be expected.

Plus also taking days off holiday

Interesting responses compared to the ones on the thread asking if a Wednesday wedding would be OK.

I hadn't thought about how no one will want a late night/much to drink on a weds, even if they can attend.

Yet if it was a school trip residential I am sure they would be able to go ?

If held during exam time I can understand it. If not, then I am less sure why it is an issue. I realise school won’t like it but they do take children away for this and that themselves.

I think getting time off work midweek if you live far away is more of a difficulty.

My kids have just missed a family wedding due to it being on the same day as an a level exam. The groom was fine about it, but another family member was quite arsey we didn't bring them !

I think people only think it’s selfish when there’s pressure on people to come, or like in OP’s case, sulking by the couple when people can’t come.
No one is really bothered by when/where someone has their wedding, as long as they are grown up about people not attending.

We've recently had a 'save the date' for a term-time Thursday in 2028 for a wedding that's 200 miles away from us. I've suggested DH go alone as I don't want to take my child out of school for 3 days, even though he will still be in primary. I expect there will be raised eyebrows from some family members but never mind.

I would be thanking God that she had chosen a mid week wedding as it gives you the perfect excuse not to attend.

Yes I’d be thinking this too

me and my partner went to a wedding on a week day some years ago think Tuesday? We had 2 kids so they were both in school/childminders. They got married 11am then had a meal in the hotel all very nice and LOCAL like 10 mins away!!! and then there was a night do but we left to get the kids home and sorted and then my partner went back to the night do to show his face (they were his friends) I remember him saying they shouldn’t have bothered with the night do as barely anyone had stayed and only a couple extra had come! So that was a waste and maybe the night do would have been better another time?

@Midweekweddingwoes maybe send dh to the wedding and say to sulking SIL why don’t you have the night do on a Saturday then we can all come and celebrate with you??

You can’t take them out of school for a wedding, missing 3 days for a wedding is silly at their ages with exams etc. you’re doing the right thing and YANBU

I know you said they had medical conditions but could they stay at home alone for a couple nights whilst you and DH attend wedding? Anyone on your side of family or a friend that could pop in if needed?

SIL and BIL are not unreasonable to have a wedding on the day they want, but they are unreasonable to expect everyone to attend a mid week wedding

We got married on a Wednesday during the school holidays. The date was arranged to enable the guests who are teachers to come and cut down the cost of their air fares which soar at weekends. Oddly nobody called us selfish.