AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

To me, this would depend on which term it had been booked. Summer would be no chance.

A Wednesday wedding will be cheaper for the couple but more inconvenient for their guests! She needs to accept that not everyone can take time off! We just sucked up the extra £750 Saturday supplement and made savings elsewhere!!

Saving money isn’t the only reason for a weekday wedding. We got married four months after we decided we’d do it. Weekends are booked up years ahead, weekdays aren’t.

YANBU.
clearly the couple are saving money by having a midweek wedding but this is more expensive for the guests.
it’s a wedding not a summons so they really should have thought of the impact their choice may have on others.
with regards to the school, rightly or wrongly, the absence for the year 11 child may not be authorised and in which case the OP could be liable for action against her. It depends on their school and Local Authority.
in short, if your attendance matters so much to them why are they choosing a date that you cannot attend/is inconvenient to attend.
on saying that, do be prepared that this may fracture your relationship. I am NC with my ILs that pulled a similar stunt then took offence when I didn’t go.

If this Wednesday wedding was in school holidays, the OP’s children wouldn’t be missing school to attend so there wouldn’t be a thread. It’s term-time weekday weddings that aren’t local that are tricky for guests to attend.

I agree with you Pumpkins and Coconuts.

It basically comes down to do you want to go.... because if you did, you would. You would. I would never have missed any of my siblings or my husbands siblings weddings. But I like them all very much and it was also important to my husband to be there.

It sounds like you don’t want to go, which is absolutely your choice.
She is allowed to feel upset or disappointed that you aren’t attending though.
We've had a couple of weddings on DH’s side where it was hard for us to attend for various reasons. I understood both stances.

Three days, not two. The day before to travel 200 miles, the day of th wedding itself and the day after to travel back.

That is an awful lot of missed school in exam year.

This. I wouldn’t even feel guilty or explain myself. The kids can’t make it and that’s that. Let her sulk.

Two days isn’t a chunk of school, stop being so dramatic.

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts this is tedious. I meant there's nothing to like about the SiLs behaviour, so no need for OP to like her, or want to attend her event. I won't be replying to this thread again, it getting derailed.

Yes, I did indeed write that. How is that related to liking (or not liking) „ a sulker“?

I would use two (and even three…) days of annual leave to attend my SIL‘s wedding if I liked her and knew my my attendance was meaningful to her.

OP, you’re going to be in the trenches enough, with both GCSE and A level students to consider, plus the difficulty using public transport for them to get to school/college and the need for them not to miss any more school time then is absolutely essential because of their medical appointments.

GCSE is a stepping stone to further education and A level is the same for university or higher education. Maths A level is known to be very intense I believe and missing two or three days of any content at any level can mean so much catching up. If you aren’t in the thick of it, you probably wouldn’t know that.

Rather than the bride being offended you’re not going, I think you should be offended that they’ve chosen a time that’s massively inconvenient to you.

I still think YANBU and your children should stay in school but I think I would try and go with DH if I could and have someone pop in to check on DC’s and accept they might need some taxi fares for a couple of days whilst you’re away.

But I am struggling to understand why you would need 3 days leave, what time does the wedding start? If it’s 1/2pm you could easily leave the morning of about 7/7:30am, just stay the night and come home the next day? Or don’t drink and leave at 8/9pm and come home sameday.

not ideal but I would probably do it for my SIL as a one off

You said what you would do if you liked your SiL, OPs sister in law is not being likeable through her behaviour, so understandable why it's not appealing to attend such an inconvenient event.
Can't imagine anyone being keen to use AL and do a 400 mile trip.

I don’t recall mentioning anything about liking a sulker…

OP prefers to take those 2-3 days of annual leave so she can go away with her family (according to her own posts).

Those are her priorities and that’s obviously her right.
It simply doesn’t sound as if she was particularly keen to attend her SIL’s wedding to begin with (to me personally).

She sounds very selfish and self absorbed. I wouldn’t be taking the DC out of school!

Nobody likes a sulker. Wasting 3 days of annual leave to indulge someone's choice to have a weekday wedding is unnecessary.
People who really want guests to their event make it as easy as possible for the guests to attend.

what's wrong with weekday weddings now?

If you don't want to go, just don't, but how weird to assume that weekends weddings are more convenient?

The OP is doing the right thing for her circumstances, and is very sensible, I wouldn't plan for kids that age to miss school either, so early that you don't even know the school schedule anyway. It doesn't mean a Saturday wedding would be any better.

Perfectly reasonable for the kids not to attend and that would be a no brainer for me.
If you genuinely can't ask any friends or family on your side to do some school runs on two days - no reason not to drive there after school the evening before the wedding then it's also perfectly reasonable for you to swerve it too.

My brother and SIL asked, were given likely dates for school terms, exams and planned accordingly. If your SIL wanted you all to be there, she could have easily made it a mid week wedding when they were off school.

I understand your children not wanting to go… refusing to use 2 maybe 3 days of leave? I personally don’t agree with that reasoning - if I liked SIL and wanted to actually attend her wedding.

If you don‘t want to attend and are looking for an excuse? Fair enough…🤷‍♀️

Obviously you're right. But even without kids, I wouldn't be taking 2-3 days of leave to go to someone else's wedding. She's barking.

No, I’d expect them to be responsible for themselves at that age but home alone is different IMO to being home alone with an older sibling.
I had an evening job, a mortgage and a baby when I sat my A-levels. Two nights with the average 15 year old shouldn’t be especially taxing.

I always say that couples have to understand if they hold their weddings at a time or place that makes it hard for others to attend, they have to accept the consequences of that decision.