Parents who have set up home with a new partner, I'd really appreciate some thoughts and insight please.
I've met a lovely man, a widow and we've been together for 3 years. I never wanted children but have been accepted by his children ( late teens/ early 20's, in education or working, all living at home) and love them absolutely.
We don't live together at the moment but I spend every weekend and sometimes midweek nights at his. I contribute financially to both household and children. We are 40 miles apart and haven't moved in together yet because of a legal easement issue with my Victorian property which is proving a tiny but incredibly difficult problem to resolve so I can't go on the market.
We have found the perfect house in his area which I love, but he seems to want to buy himself and not jointly. For context he is much wealthier than me but I could contribute 25% now from savings and more when I sell my house.
I have a good job, own my own home, car etc no debt whatsoever and very decent six figure savings.
Should I accept that he is probably* safeguarding his children's future inheritance or listen to my internal want to own at least a percentage of the house I will call home? Or is owning a percentage the emotional and financial messiest situation? What I want to avoid is a) me feeling like a visitor or b) he makes reference only to 'my' house.
We are discussing this weekend, I would appreciate outside input before then so I have a balanced view. At the moment I oscillate between thinking I can invest my savings and the proceeds from my house sale to afford to contribute towards a comfortable lifestyle where I'm not dependent on him, or feeling beholden to living in a house I don't own.
For the record, he is amazing, very loving and generous and that his children are his priority is a given and amplified by parental bereavement.
YABU - he is safeguarding his children's future and you are massively over-thinking this
YANBU - living in a house you don't have some ownership of doesn't work