To want to contribute financially to our new house

I would not move in with him if you don’t have any legal rights . All sorts could happen and it’s messy.
Could, once your house is sorted, move closer?

Good to hear.
Just be aware that the legislation about being a landlord has tightened, and it is not easy. If you suddenly needed the buy-to-let to move into yourself, it might not be possible without a very long wait due to tenants' new rights.
Consider investing in other assets instead of property.

I agree.
I can definitely imagine bringing a couple of bottles of wine to a boyfriend's house, and did when i was going to stay my now husband for the weekend.

But paying to be in his house, having travelled there, spending 700 a year on his children, of a wealthy man?

Desperation and really making little of yourself.

Very strange to be doing both these things.
Desperation is not a good look.

Pull back OP.
Read "Women who love too much." By Robin Norwood.

Why are you giving him £200 a month when you don’t live there?? You’re a weekend guest. It’s also ridiculous that you’re sending the eldest £600 a year and paying for the youngest’s mobile phone. Red flag that your wealthy boyfriend accepts this. You also sound desperate for your boyfriend’s and his children’s approval.

You.say that you contribute financially to his household when you stay there.
Food bills etc.

But why are you contributing towards his children.
In what way?

This 100%

And for god's sake if you do sell your house and not buy another, put your money into an investment that will keep up with house price inflation and doesn't have mad swings or you may price yourself out of a similar house to the one you have now in the future.

Could you get a smaller house near wherever he's buying and then rent a spare room (£7k a year tax free). You would have to live there at least part of the week though but maybe it would be nice to have a break during the week, you could bring your partner with you and both have a break from the kids!

Other than that do not over contribute to his nest egg. Only pay for your proportional utility spend and food.

What have you actually sat down and discussed? Has he asked you to come and live in the new home?

It sounds like he's buying a permanent home for him and his kids and he's going to be leaving it to them. He's a lone parent now and he's going to be even more focused on securing their future because of that, not yours. He's not likely to want to share the ownership with you. You're going to have to secure your own future because you're not his priority.

It sounds like living in his home will bother you and that's going to be a problem for you. But this is a man whose marriage ended because of death, not any incompatibility. He likely feels an even stronger responsibility to his kids and to secure their future because of that.

It also sounds like he's using you a bit. He wants the Girlfriend Experience and that's it. He doesn't want real and lasting and permanent ties. There's the money he and his kid accept. I can see bringing food over but paying for a house you don't even live in, no, unless you're there full time. He should be paying for his kids. Having you give them monthly money really is weird.

This definitely!!!!

I'm not sure the OP is coming back - even though everyone is sympathetic towards her and pointing out that she should look out for her interests, it's not what she wants to hear...

The partner is right not to want to own jointly though - someone always comes out badly where a parent of adult children remarries. Often it's the children who end up losing their inheritance to the new girlfriend, so tbh all credit to a dad putting his young adult children first after their mum has died.

He shouldn't be accepting money for his child's phone bill and the random £50 a month for the university student though! To be honest that's really quite an odd arrangement, especially as their father is able to afford to support them.

Hi op I know a couple who did this they split up after nine years and the one who didn’t own had to leave to start again. I think it depends on if you see it forever then something happens to him will you be kicked out? Grief and losing your home don’t go well together. I think it’s very kind of you paying what you do now. You need to look at the bigger picture if you move in will you pay half the bills and nothing towards the up keep what if you wanted to decorate or buy furniture will you be allowed sometimes you are living like a guest in a house that is meant to be your home.

This!! Or perhaps why on earth would he accept it?

Keep your finances separate.

Either keep your house and let it out or invest your savings so that you have money to buy a place of your own if you split up.

Three years is nothing and he has financial responsibilities to his children so definitely don’t rush in to joint property ownership.

Why don’t you rent out your own place? If you don’t own any of ‘his’ house then you need to be clear that you won’t take any financial responsibility for repairs to the house because you won’t benefit from it.

The money he will be using to buy a new house, he and his late wife will of earned that so by not buying a house with you he’s protecting her legacy and his children’s inheritance

For weekends and the odd week night it doesn’t seem that low

Agree and he's probably thinking about how he writes a will. He has dependants

Why on earth would you be contributing anything to your wealthier partner’s children?!

This may be a good moment to rethink the finances. You say "our house" in the thread title but he's buying himself a house and letting you live in it, that's not your house.

I think you're at risk of seeing him as your priority and your future while he naturally sees his children that way. It's very nice that you say you all get on so well, but if you split up or he died first, you'd likely find that the children fade from your life, as they would anyway when they leave home and start their own families. Unless he wants to marry you and buy the home together then you must realise that he wants to limit the relationship. Only you can decide whether that's okay.

Anyway, now is a good time to discuss finances as a whole, including your contributions.

He is going to protect his kids' inheiritance. That is the first thing you need to remember.

Move in but keep finances separate and invest, invest.

Why are you giving his adult kids money and doing a phone contract for one? You're their dad's GF, not a relative or family member. You're paying a few hundred towards a household you don't live in. That makes no sense to me. I agree with others that you're overcompensating here or feeling like you need to buy your way in. He sounds like he might be tight if he's taking your money and so are his kids when he's so much better off.

You need to take steps to protect your future as well. I think you'd do well to see a financial adviser (with fiduciary duty if you have that there).

This, he is right in that he wants to protect his kids inheritance. I would live with him and keep my house. You also don’t want to battle with his kids if he wasn’t around. Very wise to keep yourself secure financially

Agree with this. Please keep your house.

Tenants in common uses a percentage split based on equity contributed. It's very messy if one dies or relationship ends. They would have to buy each other out or sell to release the likely 50 per cent share. Why would he do this if he can comfortably buy by himself?