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Original poster

To want to move back to england with my 5 children

509 replies

tryingtogohome · 10/06/2026 17:35

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

OP posts:
HelenaWilson · 10/06/2026 18:01

Also schooling could be very tricky for your 15 year old as he would arrive half way through the GCSE years. How is he doing at school in Poland? Does he speak English?

Would be want to move to England? Even if he's not getting on with his dad, he might not want to uproot his life, and at his age op couldn't make him. Is there other family in Poland - grandparents etc?

Don't know how that gif got in there and can't see how to remove it.

Happy I Love You GIF by Warner Bros. Deutschland
Neutralnames · 10/06/2026 18:00

I suspect this is a controlling abusive relationship. It’s common for controlling men to keep getting their partner’s pregnant as they know it traps them.

You sound deeply unhappy OP. What would you be entitled to in Poland if you left?

You and the children would get accommodation in UK, but it would be emergency accommodation whilst you waited for social housing. You would also get benefits and there are employment support schemes to help you into work, though you may have to wait till the baby is older. You would have to find money for the passports and air fare though. And you may have a legal battle under The Hague convention.

WonderingWanda · 10/06/2026 17:57

It sounds like you've had a difficult life and have probably made some life choices that aren't really the right thing for you because your husband appeared to provide stability and love. However, it sounds like your relationship isn't very equal and you are feeling quite isolated.

One reason you are feeling isolated it likely that you have a lot of children and are doing a lot of parenting. That would keep you quite busy and with very little time even in the UK. Are you considering coming back to the UK without your husband? That would surely be incredibly hard without a support network?

Have you spoken to him about how unhappy you are in Poland? I can't really work out if you ars unhappy in your relationship? You say he has a difficult relationship with the eldest but you keep having babies with him? Is that through choice?

Tabarnak · 10/06/2026 17:56

I see all your older children were born in the UK - has your husband worked and lived here? Would he contemplate coming back with you - and once here you could establish some contacts here and plan to leave?

Tabarnak · 10/06/2026 17:53

What would your situation be if you were to separate in Poland? Would he be required to pay child maintenance? Would you be entitled to any benefits? Housing? Child benefit?

I can't see that it would be easy moving back, unless you have money for a rental deposit and 6 months rent (say) you would almost certainly have to go into emergency accommodation which generally means over crowded bed and breakfast. There is no council housing available almost anywhere.

Also schooling could be very tricky for your 15 year old as he would arrive half way through the GCSE years. How is he doing at school in Poland? Does he speak English?

Do you still love your husband? Is there such a thing as couples counselling that could help you discuss his behaviour and your relationship and see if it can be improved?

If not, start researching how you could come back.

Maybe start re-connecting with any old friends you had in the UK? Re-building friendships?

Neutralnames · 10/06/2026 17:53

tiramisugelato · 10/06/2026 17:48

You may not be able to leave with your kids if they're Polish citizens.

This. You need to find out the legality of this. It may class as kidnap in The Hague convention. You can contact Hague Mothers for support.

Though in your case I would be tempted to leave anyway with the kids and see if he bothered to fight it. ( admittedly I have not looked into the repercussions of doing this). And take it from there. Have you been documenting his behaviour?

GoldenPineapple15 · 10/06/2026 17:49

Leave as soon as possible.

tiramisugelato · 10/06/2026 17:48

You may not be able to leave with your kids if they're Polish citizens.

Goodadvice1980 · 10/06/2026 17:46

Leave and come back to the UK.

Contact Women's Aid for advice.