To want to move back to england with my 5 children

Sometimes the support you need isnt institutional, its just family and friends

But OP isn’t miles away from any available support. There’s plenty of support available in Poland, and surely some of it is available in English too. I know this because I have family there who work in social care and the police.
Also, why not contact Women’s Aid and ask for advice? They could point OP in the right direction and explain the legal basics.

Without wanting to say too much, I have been in the situation of being in another coubtry and trying to separate from someone with a slightly domineering edge.
It is very overwhelming. I developed some psychological issues as a resukt and this was without dependents.
People who havent lived this massively underestimate the deep crisis and logistical nightmare it poses. It feels unsolvable when youre thousands of miles away from any kind of support system and have red tape to navigate on top of the psychological mess.
Its worlds away from the "throw your bag in the car and kip on a mates sofa" solution that could otherwise be found.

OP I would urge you to continue posting and take this in tiny baby steps.

With all due respect to people suggesting OP moves to a third neutral country or convinces her DH to move back to the UK, I think it's obvious it won't happen. What she needs to focus on is settling down in Poland and making her life there as good as possible.

Accepting that and moving forward would be much more useful to the OP than entertaining ideas that just can't be executed, however well meaning the posters are.

And I'm saying this as someone 'trapped' in the opposite situation. In the last couple weeks, I managed to make my life a little bit better. Frankly, my husband wasn't abusive so that helps massively but I'm also stuck somewhere where my MIL doesn't respect me as a parent, wants to over take and has made things really hard. And I just want to move. And I can't. At least, I'm finally getting the support from the husband but this may change.
Given all this, I can somewhat relate to the OP and I believe she can make her life in Poland great but I know it's so so hard. Especially when you think that plan B could give you a much better life 😔

I'm worried about her too.
The thought of trying to seperate almost sounds overwhelming especially if she's likely to end up as a trapped parent.

Actually I think the better long game here might be to try to convince him to move the whole family back to the UK, be near his family and family support.
Then try to seperate once back in the UK.

That way she doesn't risk getting trapped in Poland.

Good luck Op

I'm worried about the OP.
Maybe she's just taking time off the Mumsnet after receiving some back clash or maybe she's feeling really emotionally unwell.
OP, are you okay? ❤️ How's your relationship with your husband these days? Are things any better?

How are you doing these days OP?

Sorry OP, I thought you’d been back four times to give birth, but it was twice. I didn’t mean to make you feel even worse than you do.

I was trying to see if that meant your partner earns quite well, which might mean you would be ok if you split? (Have no idea of the law in Poland so was curious) But it clearly didn’t come over well.

@tryingtogohome Did you contact Global ARRK? the CEO spoke at a conference in Poland

GlobalARRK CEO speaks at OPOKA CIO Conference – Globalarrk

https://www.facebook.com/ExpatStuckParent/posts/pfbid026XSiTs8oeekRNnW8cRwsdJMGN5YUSh7d6hzL8aEZ6bjD563qRgiYnYx5bBtuGmSnl

I sincerely hope Op is able to reach out to the organisations that can help her.

It probably hasn't helped the number of people more interested in protecting the benefits bill (like one family is going to make a difference) rather than recognising that this is a young woman with a huge amount on her plate in an abusive relationship.

Op make that call when kids are in school.
You can make this happen.

People keep writing that access to contraception is difficult in Poland, but it's really not. It's even easier than in the UK. If you have an internet connection, getting birth control is relatively straightforward. You can even use online e-prescription services. Abortion is difficult, but that's a different matter. It's not like she was desperately trying to get birth control and got turned away at the pharmacy door. It's not the country she's living in, OP has just taken the path of least resistance and this is where she's landed at.

Thing is, Poland has a massive state cash-transfer program for families, and it's not means-tested. With 5 (soon 6) kids they will be getting more than an average full-time take-home salary in benefits, it really is a lot of money, especially outside of the big cities. So the financial panic that often drives people to seek out birth control in other countries is heavily buffered by the Polish state. The state provides the monthly cash to help her keep going. She probably expects it to be similar in the UK.

At child number six, it isn't a case of a broken system trapping an innocent victim. It is a case of an individual choosing not to exert the agency required to change their circumstances.

OP, people (me included) have given you lots of advice and named countless organisations you could turn to. It's up to you to act now, and I for one doubt that you ever will.

I think you might be right.
There have been many helpful posters here; it’s up to the OP what she will do with all the available help.

I also don't think it's a windup. I think OP has emotionally invested a lot into the dream of returning to the UK but as this thread has illustrated it's not that easy. I don't think OP is up for separating in Poland.

I don't think its a windup.
I think she's just very down beaten. And probably wary of him catching on to her.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to have 5 kids and another on the way.

I bet he doesn't do much to help in the house either. I have the feeling Poland is still very traditional womans place is at home.

Exactly!
My husband was with me during my appointments with the MW.
The MW followed me to the toilet and asked if there were any issues between us and whether he was abusive in any way.
OP, as expected, hasn’t answered the questions I asked, other than saying that the husband is apparently working. OP hasn’t PM’d me either.
I suspect there will be more kids after this one. 🫠 I’m beginning to wonder if this post is a wind-up.

She has to make some effort herself to get help though. And even slipping a note to healthcare staff would be a start. The man has to go to the toilet at some point.

Won't get anywhere being so passive.

Yes - I know several in this situation and one that managed to negotiate a return to her home country but probably only because her ex-h's job made regular childcare exceptionally difficult and her dad was wealthy enough to pay good lawyers.

I assume the MIL or BIL has them remember he has family in England.

Something tells me he's not going to be the Dad running back and forward trying to make sure the other kids a ok.

Remember he was banging on about sex while she had just given birth and had a baby in NICU.

He's a complete abuser, and she needs to figure out how to get away from him.
Making calls while he's at work if necessary.

But the other poster is correct she also needs to be aware of her migration status. The last thing she wants is to find out if she divorces she has no right to remain in Poland but can't take the kids either.

She needs to use the links shes been given and get help to get away. One step at a time.

You can have an implant fitted And where's these other kids while she's giving birth then? The mw did tell my DDs husband to wait outside while she questioned her on DV. ( Shed actually been headbutted - but by a tantrumming 2 year old)

That depends if you have someone hovering around not giving you the opportunity to speak.
Remember lots of maternity units encourage Dads to stay (partly because units are under-staffed and no other ward expects a patient to care for another human).

They might not be able to fit a coil or start her on the implant as soon as she's given birth either.

Ultimately she needs to get away from her abuser.

Faster gettshes in the UK to pop out these kids During the immediate time after birth she can explain the situation to the medical staff and also tell them about her husbands controlling efforts. You can even get implant fitted right after birth.

Unless she's just rocking up to the hospital with no antenatal appointments at all then she also gets to see a professional beforehand.

When my DD had an antetenal appointment with the last child they were definitely pretty hot on domestic abuse, she was questioned about it from half a different angles. I think it started as she had a bit of a black eye but there was plenty of opportunities to mention if there had been an issue

I would be surprised if this is a decision that is within your gift to make. I know a German lady who is stuck in the UK because she married a British man and their child wasn't given permission to leave.

He sounds awful. I'm so sorry.

Yes. Which is why I am asking her how she is going to prevent future pregnancies.

Clearly she needs to leave the relationship before she is pregnant for the 7th time.

Op those sound like good options to try.

Good luck i really hope you are able to reach out for help.

Do you understand that it's not that easy?
Other posters are telling you access to contraception in Poland isn't easy.

Do you understand she is in an abusive relationship?

Do you understand he is controlling her?

And controlling the contraception?