AIBU to spend winters abroad once my daughter starts university?

It seems a bit harsh. At least wait until she's in second year! And then maybe go for a shorter period, say November to the end of January.

Wouldn't do this. The uni vacations are long and yes my kids have all popped back on random weekends for various reasons. I have also gone up to visit them, take them for lunch, take them shopping.

Cannot imagine sending an 18 year old off to Uni, and then buggering off to another country for 6 months.

Both of my dds needed a lot of support and came home about once every three weeks during their first term. They really needed both me and dh and I’d hate to think we were 8 hours away.

Your DD is upset about your suggestion so I’d definitely take that into account. Next year she probably won’t mind at all so do it this time next year.

I wouldn't. The winter term (January to Easter) in the first year is the hardest IMO. The novelty of the first term, the fun of Christmas and comfort of being home gives way to funds being tight after the holiday; a bit of homesickness; cold, dark, crappy weather and nose to the grindstone as the workload ramps up.

Admittedly I'm talking from general family experience. The modern student experience may well have improved in the last few years..

This isn’t something I could do in the first year and certainly not the first term . I think the worst bit is between Christmas and March weather wise so could you start off just doing that if she is settled

My dc starts uni in September, I wouldn’t dream of going away. He won’t be moving out, just away. I want to be here in case he needs me. 18 is barely an adult. Maybe if he was 20 odd but 18 seems young.

depends how rich you are really. I couldn’t do this as , as poster above points out- they are adults but not really. And they do get homesick. They do still need you at the drop of a hat. If I had the kind of money where in case of an emergency I’d only be max 8 hours away (say Spain or France- where there will always be a flight to the Uk which is only really subject to cost restrictions) and could afford to book a lovely holiday home in the uk for the two weeks at Christmas - then I would do it.

I wouldn't do this in her first year, it's a lot to cope with starting university and suddenly not having family to go home to all at the same time.

You’re not being unreasonable in wanting her to become independent nor are you being unreasonable for wanting to spend more time in your home country.It’s a big step and. a steep learning curve for her going to uni and will take a bit of adjustment. Personally I’d wait until second year just to make sure she’s happy and settled then take it from there.

Whatever you decide, keep an eye on the number of days you are out of UK, that can change tax residency if that applies to you.

I think I'd go, but maybe not until her second year at Uni.

I think there will be a range of views on here. But it is not something I’d contemplate doing. 18 year olds are not adults really, whatever certain corners of Mumsnet and the law says. They are young people, who are still developing, finding themselves and experiencing a time of huge change and transition. I would say that this is a stage in life where young people perhaps most benefit from security and consistency, and an opportunity to return to their home and community.

My DD’s would have been distraught if we’d done this. They are thriving at uni but we have had to make emergency runs to deal with academic crises and illness, have often popped up/ down to have Sunday lunch when they are a bit low, have wanted to be there for events and performances, and they quite often spontaneously return home for a bit of TLC (often with a mate or two in tow) , to go to a party or to see the dog. Even in DD’s year abroad we got to know Aarhus better than we imagined we might! Not to mention coming home in the holidays when they love a bit of a fuss, to see their friends, to prepare for travel and trips abroad, work a bit, get stuck into projects and voluntary work, study, and just touch base after a busy term.