AIBU to spend winters abroad once my daughter starts university?

I think January to March next year away, be here for Christmas.

@Heymommy I would find a compromise. I think leaving a few weeks after she goes and not coming home for six months is a bit much, but why not go at the beginning of December and come home at the end of February? That gives her much more chance to settle, halves the time you're away, but still gets you out of the UK for the worst of the winter.

I agree with this, at least get the first semester out the way and see how she is, then start with a shorter trip.

Personally I couldn't do it if my DC was that upset by it, she's only 18

I wouldn’t do it for quite so long, you’re talking about going for half the year. I can understand why she’d be upset, some students are more attached (especially at first) and do like to go home at the weekend sometimes. Not just that but if her course has reading weeks, lots of students go back home for those too. I’d do it for maybe half the time including Xmas when she’ll be with you anyway.

If you’re keeping the UK home can you tag team a bit? You travel for a month…dh joins you for the second fortnight…you return to the UK for a month leaving dh out there for a few weeks…& so on.

So there’s only alternate fortnights/3 weeks where there’s no parent home, & only alternate fortnights/3 weeks where you & dh are separated.

Gradually increase the length of the times spent away, if she settles in well. It might be the idea of ‘no mum & dad at home’ is scarier than the reality.

By her second year you could probably do the winter overseas.

You’d have to fund a return flight for one of you every few weeks for the first few months.

FWIW, I work overseas & raised my dc here, & two of them are now at Uni on separate continents. One’s currently snoring on my sofa! In our case it’s a 3 hour or 5 hour flight though, both well served by budget airlines, so those impulse weekends are pretty doable.

The transition from school to University plus living away from home for the first time can be very difficult for lots of students. It takes some people more time to find new friends and form new relationships and some students will want the option of going home for the weekend for some moral support, particularly if they are feeling homesick.

I think you should wait until she has settled in properly with her own support network before moving back to your home country. Your plan to do this in October has obviously worried and upset her so could you re-think the timing of doing this?

My son is 18 and although officially and adult he’s not ready to be left to long periods of time. I think if me and his dad did that he would feel abandoned

I wouldn’t the first year just in case she’s not happy. Maybe reconsider for the next year.

I'd give it the first year and see how it goes. If it turned out she established her own life and hardly came home, I'd do it next year. If she seemed unsettled and came home a lot, then I'd put it off further. Because eventually they do become independent and you can do what you choose again. I'm just inclined to think at 18, its better to wait till they fly the nest of their own free will rather than nudge them. Just my opinion though. Not saying I'm right.

It sounds like your daughter is not very independent and is still going to need some parental support and visits home. I think you should stay at least for her first term and see how things go. If she can't manage herself independently and you're off in another country, it's going to fuel resentment for both of you and harm your relationship. It sounds like you already resent possibly having to stay another year. That's unreasonable on your part.

Assuming you’ll be keeping your UK home (as you’ve said you’ll be back for Easter) go for a much shorter period this first year. A few weeks in November, stay here for Christmas (she’ll presumably want to catch up with friends who are also back from uni) then go away again mid Jan for a few weeks.

It's probably what we'll do when DS goes to university, though we'll be only a shorthaul flight away.

An 8 hour flight makes a difference. I completely understand your need for winter sun but in her first year could you compromise. For example go away for 4 weeks in November, all go mid Dec to mid Jan to fit in with term time and then a further 4 weeks in Feb.

My parents moved about an hour from my home in my first year and it was really horrible. I felt I had no true home. I lost all my school friends as I just never saw them again. I would hold off for a year or two

I would not do this. Both of my children came home occasionally during their first year at uni and sometimes with hardly any notice if they were having a hard time. There could be issues arising with friends, her course, flatmates, relationships etc or she might just get really homesick and want comfort so I think it’s important to be there for support, certainly in the first year (and probably all the way through if I’m honest)

I would reevaluate this when she starts year 2 of Uni. You’ll have a good measure by then of how settled she is and how often she did actually come home in the first year. She will also be more confident then. Have to say, mine didn’t come home often at all, so I think this will ultimately work out for you.

I wouldn't for the first year at least. Ds had to come home a couple of times when he was unwell with tonsillitis it completely flooded him in the first couple of months and he just needed to come home.

I would not do this, no. I think it’s a selfish thing to do. I’d wait at least until the first year is done.

I’d go but plan to return for Christmas; see how she’s doing and make sure she knows that she still has a foundation and a home. Soon enough it will get easier. I live for my trips home just to get away from the incessant cold weather.

I wouldn't do it the first year tbh. They are settling in and it can be tough and they need to know they can come home and they benefit from feeling you are there if they need you.

I definitely wouldn’t do what you’re contemplating. But that’s because I was and am very close with my children and I know that home is vital to well-being. a phone call is no substitute for a welcoming home. Children need parents, young adults need parents, for well being.

I wouldn’t. We popped to see both DC once a term to see if they were coping and if they needed at. Their needs got less as the years went by, but we were always pleased to see each other.

I think I'd want to be a bit closer than that and if she's going to a uni near enough your uk home for weekend visits then I'd want to be there for her to visit. My disclaimer on this is that our DS had a major health issue and I'm eternally grateful that we were only an hour or so away. He's fine now, but did have major surgery,

I’m not a homebody by any means, but during that first year of university, I went home quite a lot. Home is a base. It’s that familiarity and that safety and comfort. Can’t you wait a year until she’s more settled? 18 is legally an adult sure, but emotionally and mentally, they still have a few years growing to do.