AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

I had the same with the school and it was a 9 hour trip to get there. My daughter was given a days authorised leave. It’s impossible maths and I would have been fined for my daughters attending a funeral of someone they loved dearly 🤷‍♀️
And this coming from a religious school!!

At the end of the day, if you begrudge using a day of annual leave to go when you knew her and loved her, it's fair enough that they begrudge paying you for two days of work when you won't be working, for a stranger they've never met. If they allowed it for everyone's mother in law then where do you draw the line - father in law, brother and sister in law, cousins, very good friends? And that's beyond the usual mother/father/siblings/children. What about if the deceased lived in another country, should someone get a week off to travel there?
If you don't want to use up your annual leave then maybe ask if you can take it unpaid, but sounds like they are being very fair in my opinion.

I agree with all this, that @tokennamechange said on P1.

Does seem odd that you are expecting your employers to give you additional time, when you don't think you should use any of your own leave.

@Crimpit- me too!!!

You were very lucky here. I got one day when my Dad died and one day for the funeral.

Sorry for your loss. Sounds pretty standard. I’m not sure how a policy that varied based on travel distance would work - you’d have to impose some rather arbitrary thresholds. If you don’t have annual leave to spare will they let you take it unpaid?

You literally said "My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws."

But they are giving you a day's compassionate leave for an in-law 🙄

So....?

My employer gives three days for the loss of a child so one day sounds fine - use annual leave

If you can choose when to take annual leave, it should be used for travelling to a funeral. Longer periods than a day to attend are not being given just because it's standard or employers are generous, it's for if people genuinely can't function to work because of their loss.

I can believe this. I was denied leave to attend my grandad's funeral. I simply could not go.

What really boiled my piss was when a load of my colleagues were allowed the afternnoon off to attend the funeral of another who died.... and I was left to cover them. I was also not allowed to go to that, and we were friends outside of work.

This was the NHS.

When my father passed away my old job gave me 1.5 months for which I was extremely grateful. New job gave me 3 days for my uncle which was in Australia. Legally it’s for direct relatives only but it’s down to your manager in the end.

Private sector, and it was absolutely at her discretion. Not trying to get around the rules and fair enough if that were the case but it wasn’t.

Interestingly, she then had 2 months off after the death of a distant relative, who lived abroad. The company even planted a tree for her. I am still bitter as you can see!

I'm really sorry for your loss, and your experience. Where I've worked it's not discretionary for a manager to agree the time off, because it has to follow sickness policy rules of self certifying for a week max. In public sector and NHS the managers don't have the authority to overrule that. But it doesn't mean they can't be compassionate. If someone tried to come back in circs like that (it happens, some people want to be busy) the managers would really be encouraging them to go to the GP and get signed off, and wouldn't be expecting any work from them. At least that's been my experience when people try and come back 'too soon'.

I wouldnt be able to give more than a week at a push without you getting a sick certificate or taking annual leave, I wouldnt be able to sign it off where I work. Public services, front line statutory work.

It’s standard where I used to work. Just add on annual leave so you have time to travel and stay over.

I think it also depends on the employer, we had bereavement policy but I have to say my work were absolutely lovely when my MIL died I got 5 days off fully paid didn’t have to use annual leave then they let me work reduced hours at home for the weeks leading up to her funeral and they gave me a fully paid day for the funeral and again told me to wfh for another week after. Sadly my grandfather died not long after MIL funeral and again fully paid day for the funeral and a day after he died, they did say I could work from home but by that time I really needed to get out of the house.

I think that’s reasonable.

Take annual leave or unpaid leave and have as much time as you need

Nothing paid at all where I work regardless of the relationship.
It's either unpaid or annual leave!

I think it depends on the circumstances and the company. With respect to those who have lost loved ones, the company isn't interested in anything other than generating profitable revenue. If anything interferes with that, it is an irritant. The people who work at those companies often flex the rules where they can, and some companies have more lenient policies where they are affordable, and where the company is enlightened enough to realise that its people are its biggest asset.

I was back at work the afternoon my wife died because my boss is a total bastard. Then again, I am self employed and need the money.

Jesus , some of these bereavement allowances are shocking. I'm so grateful that my company acknowledges that family is imporant. I was given 6 weeks paid leave when my 2 day old grandson was on life support after surgery, so that I could help my daughter (post c section) and her partner , who were in no fit state to function.

Where I work for a parent you only get 3 days bereavement leave including the funeral.

Most don’t

I guess they can’t differentiate between a mil who lives local or far away. As far as they’re concerned, a mil is a mil.

I got 2 weeks off following the unexpected, traumatic death of my dc. My delightful manager told me to get signed off by a doctor if I needed more. I was struggling to function and the last thing I needed was to arrange an appt, and then force myself to talk about what had happened. The post mortem took longer than that, let alone the funeral.

She was fired 5 years later and before leaving apologised for treating me so badly. I will still never forgive her.

I think these things are often at a manager’s discretion. I gave a member of my team unlimited time to care for a relative when they were ill, plus time off after the death/ for the funeral. She was a loyal employee of 20 years.

What was the two weeks leave for? Not just a funeral surely? Where I worked, you would get five days compassionate leave for the death of a close relative but most people would get signed off by their GP for longer for the death of a parent, husband/wife or child.