AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

That is lovely.
DM has has her own company, and she let someone have 2 weeks paid leave after her dog died. DM is very much a dog person and knows how awful it can be to lose one.

When my grandmother died, I was living and working 4 hours journey away. The funeral service was 10:30am. I begged to get the previous day off. The area manager said its a disgrace that I have family live miles away! I managed to get the day off my DF had to pick me up as the one of the trainlines drivers were on strike and he could only get the day of the funeral off. He was visiting clients 30 min drive away and picked me up late afternoon

The funeral was on Friday and stayed for the weekend getting back around Sunday mid evening.

Employers' policies over time off for funerals is not enough. Esp with the gap between death and funeral is on average 4-5 weeks.

That is the exact point the poster is making.
She actually said And Jenny who grew up next door to the dog sitter? therefore noting that this a friend she (Jenny) has had growing up, and could well be closer too than she is to her MiL - who of course "Jenny" would have known for less time than a childhood friend".

In a small business, there is probably scope for more discretion, but in a larger organisation, it is impossible to know anything about the individual relationships between different people, and employers have to be seen to be being 'fair', hence the reason there are written policies.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I've been in the position of your old manager and had to tell the member of my team to get signed off after 2 weeks. Obviously she needed a lot more time but I simply couldn't authorise it without a sick note as that was NHS policy. Doesn't mean I did care or try and support her in any way I could. Years later I still think of her and her DC around the anniversary

Not lucky. Just normal. You were very unlucky as that is a shite allowance, you deserved better.

That’s disgusting!!!!

Christ am I glad I work for a company that don’t treat their employees like robots. My director gave one of our site managers a week off on Monday, last minute, because her dog was put to sleep last night. That’s how you retain staff. By treating them like human beings and not as ‘standard policies’.

My MIL was dying and my work gave me two weeks off while she passed as it was very upsetting and then two days off for the funeral.

My colleagues in the NHS felt that 2 weeks for a live-in partner's mother was a fair ask.

I nearly fell over, having worked in retail and in care work where you'd be lucky to get 2 days for an immediate relative.

I think OP your situation is unfortunate but overall reasonable, and perhaps you should take a day of leave, or at least a morning, to make up for the travel.

To be fair you say in your op that the compassionate leave policy doesn’t apply to in laws.

2 weeks is also bonkers. I didn’t get that when my dad died! You realistically can’t expect more than a couple of days for anyone other than spouse, parent or child. They are giving you the day of the funeral off, that’s a gift. The fact she lives so far away really isn’t your works’s problem so that should be on your own time.

you will need to use some annual leave to add to the one day your employer is giving you

So long as they were happy for me to the short notice annual leave and I had to to take I wouldn't mind doing this b

Really? Your mother in law is like the dog sitter to you?

I do think it’s a consequence of people having 5 grandmas passing - no offence to people who have lost a grandparent

mine is 3 days for parent and 1 day for close family relative like in laws etc. I have good friends I would take time off rather than close family, that’s my choice I’d take leave or unpaid. I know this could be difficult for some people

You have a very generous employer if they give you 2 weeks paid leave for one of your husbands relatives. If you both come from large families you could hardly ever be at work by the time you are in your 50s.

I had to take 3 days of my annual leave to attend my father in laws funeral in Ireland. Pretty standard..to be honest I was just pleased I was allowed emergency leave..especially given it was in Easter holidays..however do t start me on the cost of flights to get there at short notice!

The problem is (a) people taking the piss, meaning they have to impose strict policies, and (b) any inconsistent approach to those policies can lead to accusations of discrimination, so employers remove the scope for common sense decisions or discretion.

My MILs funeral was 4.5 hours away and they fully expected me in work the next day. Luckily I told them not to be stupid and there were things we needed to do before I came back.

Companies are complete arsesholes now. They literally just expect us to be robots.

I’m sorry for your loss but sounds completely reasonable to me.

I think it is very unreasonable. My colleague got 2 days for an ex-colleague's funeral as it involved travel.
I am not sure what you can do about it though but I would not be helping them out with anything.

For an in law? Why do you expect such shit treatment at work?!

Pretty standard, to be honest. I do think its reasonable they give you a day, and you use a day’s AL.

Up to three days' compassionate where I work. At manager's discretion this could be extended to five days.

Covers immediate family: children, partner/spouse, parents. Ì've never known anyone be declined for grandparents or in-laws, individual circs taken into account. I'd advise that a day or two is needed to suppprt the spouse at the funeral, and travel. It's case by case.

Unfortunately there are people who take the piss. There's always the twit who has six grandparents and the one who has a dozen aunts and uncles and slips up when someone asks how many brothers and sisters their mum/dad had. They are never people with unblemished attendance records.

My mil lived 300 miles away, taken very ill, and I was given leave to go visit her before she died. My employer acknowledged the distance and that I'd need 3 days to get there to visit and back again. Same with the funeral a month later.

I'd worked there 15 years and they were very understanding but it was still permission for 'unpaid' leave so I didn't have to lose anything off my holiday allowance. I was very fond of my mil, I've known her for decades but she wasn't my mother so I didn't qualify for special paid leave.