Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

As well as agreeing about speaking to the school plus giving your daughter the confidence to call him out when it happens, you would hopefully be helping the boy further developing an unhealthy attitude to women that will lead to future problems for him if unchecked.

Look up the escalation process - safeguarding leads, governers, etc. and consider stating that due to the seriousness, and lack of adequate action, you are considering next steps outside the school (police?)

I could've written this

The school is acting really badly. I would take this further and raise it a a governors meeting.

For HIS sake it needs to be given a label. He needs to understand now that touching someone without their clear consent is sexual abuse and in just a few years time that behaviour could land him in massive trouble.

In some situations a softly softly skirting around the issue approach doesn’t help at all. Sometimes people need to realise how serious things are before it’s too late.

Once is an accident.

I think we all agree that it's serious. But it doesn't have to be given label, just expain all of the incidents and exactly what happened, how many times you have already complained, and the effect it's having on your daughter. Underline that it's an official complaint which needs to be addressed by the head and the safeguarding lead in the govenors.

You can include that you intend to make a report to the police and the local authority (that's completely your judgement call).

Apart from all the good advice on contacting the school, I think it’s equally important to prep your daughter.

We are raised to be kind and polite as women. Expected to smile through discomfort. This makes us easy targets for predators. Women will sit quietly when assaulted on public transport, put up with all kinds of abuse because of this cultural norm that has been instilled in us.

Teach your daughter to be assertive and feisty. To raise hell when someone crosses her boundaries. To fight back when someone tries to abuse her. To not be scared to raise her voice. You won’t be there for her all her life to protect her and talk to the school. She needs to learn to fight back, do whatever it takes to send the message that she will not tolerate that behaviour.

I take it Pleasering is a boy mum 🙄.

Its not remotely over the top.

I'd go to the police, the school have had long enough to deal with this.

A vile boy spat at my dd aged about 9 I think. The school were great. Their young male teacher came out to find me in the playground visibly upset to tell me what had happened. They took it extremely seriously. And that was a one off incident.

Same here. DS has been violently attacked at school twice this year. He's received detentions, isolation and most recently a suspension. No punishment at all for the aggressors.

Give DD a netball umpires whistle.
Tell the school that she is going to blow the whistle every time the boy touches her.

Have her practice at home. That will be fun.

A screeching sound every time he touches DD should help inform the boy of when he is touching inappropriately.
It will be a great lesson in the power to veto uninvited touch for the whole year level.

My son had a problem just like this with a touchy girl in high school. We had to be persistant to get teachers and her mother to take it seriously enough to repremand her.

Your poor daughter. I pray she and this boy are not going on to the same secondary school. Because he will escalate, there is no if about it.

Rapists learn their trade at school and he is well on his way. Victims are too scared to report, and on the rare occasion they do report, boys are not punished but fawned over by well-meaning but clueless adults. Even if a boy rapist does go to court, he will get off by claiming "porn addiction". Boys learn from quite a young age that they can do whatever they want to whomever they want - just so long as they don't actually kill their victims.

What this boy needs isn't "help" or "education". What he needs is severe punishment to scare him away from ever doing it again. That won't happen of course. Do report to the police and social services so that it will be on his record but don't expect them to actually do anything to keep your daughter safe.

The only thing you can really do in this system is to teach your daughter to SCREAM the house down (maybe also buy her a rape alarm she can pull every time he touches her) so that he will consider your daughter too much of a risk and move on to an easier victim...

Completely agree with this, and would add: if the boy does have a SEND it is equally important to report and deal properly with. Either he needs a very clear, strong message that this is absolutely not ok, to be able to understand and learn those boundaries, and a school pushed into really working hard with him on this and properly protecting others and him from inappropriate habits, or he needs the evidence on record and the pressure on school to push for the provision he needs to keep other children safe and to keep him safe from constant trouble. He cannot just escalate as he grows into his teens, and he will end up in serious trouble. Kinder all round to make the fuss.

OP, when you contact the police and the school (which will be today, right?) stop downplaying it with 'touching'. It is sexual assault (and possibly common assault when it's elbows etc - that isn't a sexual assault but makes her fear that will be his next move).

Name it.

Some words have power.

Why I sent mine to a girls only secondary.

it is sexual assault, if she doesn't want the contact and it makes her uncomfortable. the school can try and down play it all they like but your daughter must come first. i would ask for the school to address it and then make it very clear if they do not resolve the issue that you will be filing a police report. that should make them buck their ideas up. i would also confront the boys parents, i feel very strongly about this as my daughter now 26 was sexually assaulted at 7 by a boy and again in seniors and was to scared to tell anyone, i hope your daughter is ok and id tell her to kick him in the balls if he did it again x

School have not dealt with this, they are probably just counting down the days so it’s or he’s no longer their problem. I would be calling the police absolutely.

Given that there is only a month or so to go before y6 leave schoool, I think your school is trying to sweep this under the carpet so it all ‘goes away’ without much action.

if I were you I’d do the opposite - nothing to lose by taking a very strong position and talking to the police for advise. Then inform the school that you are taking advise from the police. That will show them how urgently they need to act.

your daughter needs to SEE your action - so she believes you will always believe and protect her. It’s an important lesson for her - one you shouldn’t miss out on if schools were to close with nothing done about this. It’s all good to teach her to push the boy but even more important is for her to feel listened to by her parent and school.

Late to the thread but this is sexual assault/sexual harassment and he is over the age of criminal responsibility.
Someone, you or the school, should be getting the police involved.
This should, at the very least, scare him in to keeping his grubby little hands to himself.

I'm sorry your daughter had to experience this and I hope she's OK xx

The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening.

I'm trying to imagine how this played out. The school called this boy in to speak to the Head and/or Safeguarding Lead (I'm assuming). He's said, "I didn't mean to do it, Miss" and they've just replied, "Ok, Jimmy, that's fine - run along, then."

No way did this happen repeatedly by accident.

@Starsugar I’m a governor at a primary school and echo many of the above posts.

Please email the head, chair of governors, safeguarding lead (school staff and designated governor on safeguarding) and the LADO (you can get their details from school and the local authority website) and be clear with them on one single email to all that this has been reported multiple times and nothing has been done so you are reporting it to the police. They have a duty to report this kind of behaviour too and have been remiss here if they have let it continue.

Then do report it to the police.

The fact it’s close to the end of term doesn’t matter when it comes to assault. The school still has an obligation to act and protect its pupils and ensure effective policies are in place. If they fail in their duty of care to pupils what we stage of their education, this is a massive issue and will have repercussions.

I feel for your daughter. I hope she’s ok.

.

Tell.her to punch him.on the nose and then tell everyone why she did it..............