AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

Why dont you just be honest. You can do it without being cruel. Just say you were really looking forward to it being you and your son and does she mind if she just cancels. It's a bit sad if she is just a bit of a clumsy person who doesnt quite get it. If that's the case and she is well.meaning then I'd be firm but kind. If on the otherhand she is bossy and overbearing and pushy, and doesnt ever take your needs into account. then maybe you just need to tell her to keep her nose oot.

Give her hell & ruin HER holiday.

Tbh she sounds like my mum, never asks permission and relies on making people uncomfortable enough so they don’t say no. Whatever way you decide to do this I guarantee you will be the arsehole and your Mum will be the victim to whoever will listen so may as well get it over with early and have a nice holiday alone with your son.…

sorry I can’t be more helpful and good luck!

Why did you tell everyone and send your DM a link if you didn't want her to think of booking? Lesson learned.

She probably took you announcing it on the family chat as a hint you wanted company, especially as she went away with you before! What made you put it on there 🙈😄

Either she will be upset or you will be upset - choose her to be upset as you've done nothing wrong.

Sending a link to show someone where you’re going on holiday is not an invitation join them!! I’m so surprised at the number of people blaming OP here.

I have adult kids and if they told me they were going away and I asked where and received a link to the hotel, there is no way in a thousand years I would book myself a place there!! Not without an explicit conversation where they invited me. And even then I would double check that’s what they wanted because it would be more than understandable for them to want a holiday on their own.

OP your mum is unbelievably pushy - I wouldn’t concern myself with upsetting her if you have to be firm as she clearly has the hide of a rhino!

I agree with this entirely. It’s really not ok, it’s such an overstep to just book onto someone’s holiday. Very disrespectful of you as an adult, she really should have had your permission first to join your holiday.

It is ok to explain as you said, it was booked as your first solo trip with son & you will not spend time with her on it, even if she goes.

If you don’t do this, it’ll bother you & affect your special time & she’s very likely to do it again

Call the hotel. Plead family funeral or similar and ask if you can change the dates. The best they will probably do is offer credit unless you can pull your son out of school early and go ahead of your mother.

Or you can suck it up as to be honest you pretty much sleep walked into this.

She has overstepped big time needs to learn some boundaries.
Just tell her mum i want to go on my own with my son its why I said a solo holiday .
I don't want anyone else with us.
Just tell her x

Next time keep it a secret!

I think you’re going to have to stand up to her and be firm that you are not seeing her, this is time for you and your son, while away you’re as good as strangers.

No, it absolutely isn’t ’on her’. She has behaved normally. Her mother has not.

Can you not offer to pay her cancellation fee for the "misunderstanding"?

It’s a bit U to ask her to cancel and lose money, as she’s done this before then you shouldn’t have said anything!!

100% if you feel you can’t use the hotel facilities or have meals there without running into her, what kind of joy will there be?

“Mum, to be honest this is a bit awkward but I need to let you know. I hope you understand and know that I love you. I had booked this trip as a solo trip with my child and was really excited about that. Bonding time just the two of us. It was something I was really looking forward to. I found the dynamic last year on our holiday very difficult at times and I’m sure you found it a bit stressful too at times. I really don’t think that you coming on this trip is a great idea and if you had waited for me to answer when you asked me if it was okay, I would’ve said “Thank you for the thought but I’d really rather you didn’t book. I just want it to be me and X”

“Could you possibly get some kind of a refund, or change your accommodation? This could end up being an awful trip for everyone. I hope you understand.”

Tell her no. She won't get it otherwise. Mine doesn't get it even when I say no. Calls the hotel to rearrange rooms to be directly next to me when I want anything but that etc. You're going to spend your holiday extremely stressed, and unable to enjoy it. I'd ask her not to come, or say if she does, you won't be spending time with her. What she did was very manipulative.

I’d definitely change my booking, even if it means dipping to other budget. You need to nip this overstepping in the bud.

Stop telling them everything.

I agree. There's no point trying to pretend it's the wrong hotel, or hoping you'll be able to avoid her.

If she won't cancel her hotel, then you're going to have check if you're able to switch accommodation. If that's not possible you need to consider whether paying extra for a different hotel is a price worth paying to save your holiday.

Even if it cost me another £200 I’d be phoning / emailing the agent it was booked with and asking to move to another hotel in the same area. She’ll be on your transfer, at meals, by the pool… I couldn’t stick that when I knew that I just wanted solo time with my child. I have a solo trip booked with my eldest child (to celebrate her finishing primary school) and I would be utterly miffed if my mum or anyone else booked flights and the same hotel to just tag along! I’d definitely change my hotel. They need to learn boundaries.

I doubt she'll cancel if she'll lose money.

Bit daft to lie about the hotel though!

Well she's asked so probably best to tell her that after the last time being so awful of course you don't want to holiday with her.

If you can't change it seems you'll have to avoid her as much as you can.

Would that be possible where you are going?

You were mad to tell her the exact dates and hotel name. People don't do that.

Someone is going to be unhappy here. Make sure it's not you.

You have to say "I do not want you there. I want you to cancel your booking." And then deal with the fall out. Nothing less will get though. That might not even work.

Awkward!
I think what it boils down to is would telling her to cancel cause a major fallout and would you be ok with that?