AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

If she has form, why would you tell her? I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone what I was doing in advance. When I get home after the event is soon enough . ..and then only if it comes up in conversation probably months later ☺️🤣

If you can change your planned hotel/resort do it. I know you'd have to pay extra for the change. That would not be a problem for me in the circumstances, even if I felt it was not ideal in view of the later holiday. I'd take the hit money wise, change the booking and enjoy quality time with your boy. Sometimes we have to pay for a bit of peace and happiness, it will be so worth it in your case.

So bite the bullet, change the booking, pay the difference and enjoy. There will be zero joy if your mother is around, you'll spend your trip full of anger and resentment and stressing about trying to avoid her. Pay up and enjoy, or cancel altogether.

Agree. It's not horrible to change it at all.

@MammaBear4000

Why on EARTH did you tell her where you were going when she ruined the last trip? Why tell ANYone you're going? Just let them know when you're there (or when you come back!)

I don't tell anyone anything about where DH and I are going, what hotel or anything. Why would you?

YABU, because as a few posters have said, this is your own fault.

So is inviting yourself on a holiday when you weren't invited!!! Mum or otherwise, especially if a previous one was a disaster 🤷🏼‍♀️

Surely 'common sense' would be assuming an update is not an invitation? It's perfectly normal to share updates and plans on a group chat - I don't know anyone who would assume an update is an invitation, hence why she messaged asking if she could join (but then booked it anyway!)

It's not unusual to tell family members you're going on holiday and where, but no one has ever sent me a link to the hotel they're staying in. Why would you?

There is absolutely no way I'd go on this holiday. If she won't cancel I'd personally go without something/anything or even sell something, to pay and change either the location or the date, and NOT tell her.

Book yourself and your son onto some day trips and don't tell her until it's too late for her to go.
Just focus on what the two of you want to do and be strong about that. Tell her that you want time just the two of you.

When did you make the booking? Is the hotel part of a group and could you ask them to swap it, under the circumstances, for another of their hotels? And if that idea won't work, how much would you lose if you cancelled? It might be something you have to regard as a 'daft mistake surcharge' that's worth it to get away from your mum gatecrashing.

Really? They all sounded very apologetic for something that OP’s mum was totally responsible for.

She probably should have asked and made sure rather than inviting herself along. Last time she tried to kill the boy, not sure how she can help if the OP couldn’t cope.

can you send me your email? Im going to be asking you to make up all my future excuses, these are awesome! 😂

I've sent people links to hotels when they've asked where I'm staying. Others have sent me links. No normal person takes this as an invitation to book and no normal person would refuse to send a link in case someone with no history of gatecrashing suddenly decides to gatecrash. You did nothing wrong.

Honestly, given you’ve told her it’s a different hotel & she’s ’having none of it’, I’d just say ‘please yourself mum…it does look nice, hope you enjoy it…we won’t be there though’.

Stick to that. You’ve booked a different hotel & you aren’t telling her where because you just want a mum & son break, & she’s already tried to crash it, so you absolutely aren’t telling her anything about your Plan B, sorry mum. Conversation over.

She can do what she wants with that information; if she wants to go to the place in the link for a solo holiday, how nice for her.

Make sure you repeat all this to your nosiest, most shit-stirring sibling, so they Flying Monkey it back. You’ve changed your plans, mum doesn’t seem to be able to comprehend this, you’re sorry she’s being frankly weird, but what can you do? It’s up to mum 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Give this a few days to sink in - any luck she’ll throw a huff & cancel, & you can quietly go ahead with Plan A.

If she insists she’s still going you’ll have to be as good as your word & cancel/amend your booking.

Either way you’ll both have learned something - she will have learned not to crash your holiday, you’ll have learned not to share the plans.

Short term pain long term gain.

She still sounds nicer than OP's mum.

I think you and your son will have a great holiday finding things to do and places to go avoiding Granny. Make a game of it. Tables for two in the dining room, sneaking out of the back door of the hotel. Arranging to meet in reception and ‘forgetting’.

OP said that she was going on a solo holiday with her son and her mum asked her where she was going. That's why she sent her a link. Considering that her mum ruined their last holiday by nearly letting her grandchild drown, I doubt that she really thought that OP wanted her to go because she couldn't cope by herself. She sounds like she just tries to bulldoze OP into situations that she isn't comfortable with.

Did she ever admit she was wrong in her actions OP?

You sound nice

Best to be really honest and just say "Mum, it was a disaster last time wasn't it? I don't think we should do it again, and you should have waited for my response". It doesn't matter if she's angry because you don't seem to have much to lose if she is. No point creeping about the hotel sticking letters under doors etc - you'll just feel tense all the time. Say it like it is.

Next time do not announce it.

Since she actually asked the question would you be fine with it I think you should be honest 'no Mum not really, as I said in my message I'm really looking forward to spending time alone with ds'.

If she says well it's too late now I'd tell her that that's her problem and you'll be spending the holiday going out and about with ds just as you planned. You need strong boundaries with cfers.

You sent her the link so she probably thought you wanted her to go as you couldn’t cope by yourself.

You talk about telling her you need space, but can you not tell her you won't be spending ANY time at all with her and mean it? You'll need to explain it to your DC which will be a bit awkward but it's of her doing.