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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

330 replies

MammaBear4000 · 10/06/2026 14:54

Booked a weeks holiday with my 7yo son (I have more AL than husband). We've got a week away at the start of the summer holidays I was looking forward to.

Sent a message to the family group chat saying 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' thinking nothing of it. Mum asked where I was going so sent her a link to the hotel.

She's now booked the same holiday (solo room). Sent me a message saying was it ok (i'm working and can't respond straight away...but I would have said it's my first mum and son solo holiday and was looking forward to it). Before I had the chance to reply she booked it.

She fucking booked it within 4 mins of sending the original message.

Now here's were the AIBU part comes in. I want to ask her to cancel (she will lose money on this). Last year she joined a week away with me and my son and completely ruined the holiday. I don't want that to happen again and I can't bear the idea of no buffer and her being with us for a week in the same hotel. We have separate rooms but she won't leave us alone I know that.

OP posts:
Whinge · 10/06/2026 15:51

MammaBear4000 · 10/06/2026 15:46

Re: the PY holiday i'll not go into too much detail as outing.

We had a very large row about her leaving my child in a very dangerous situation (think drowning) type thing. I left them alone for minutes to get us all something and arrived back just in time.

I got shouted (and sworn at) after saying what she did wasn't ok. This was in front of lots of people and my child. I removed my child and I from said situation but rest of holiday was awful.

I thought 'first solo holiday' would have been enough tbh and have never had anyone just book onto something. My family send links of where they are going to each other all the time and don't book on each others holidays (until today).

She clearly knew it wasn't ok given she asked permission... then didn't even make it to 5 mins before booking.

Lessons learned.

So have you told her you're not happy that she's gatecrashing your holiday, or just made a MN thread about it?

muddyford · 10/06/2026 15:48

You were unreasonable to tell her where you were going.

Whinge · 10/06/2026 15:48

TheDenimPoet · 10/06/2026 15:42

Do you not tell your family when you book a holiday? It's called chatting, and being interested in each other's lives? You sound horrendously fun.

Show quote history

But you can talk about holidays without sending a link to the hotel and stating the exact dates you're away. Most people just say oh I'm off to XYZ in the Summer.

Original poster
MammaBear4000 · 10/06/2026 15:46

Re: the PY holiday i'll not go into too much detail as outing.

We had a very large row about her leaving my child in a very dangerous situation (think drowning) type thing. I left them alone for minutes to get us all something and arrived back just in time.

I got shouted (and sworn at) after saying what she did wasn't ok. This was in front of lots of people and my child. I removed my child and I from said situation but rest of holiday was awful.

I thought 'first solo holiday' would have been enough tbh and have never had anyone just book onto something. My family send links of where they are going to each other all the time and don't book on each others holidays (until today).

She clearly knew it wasn't ok given she asked permission... then didn't even make it to 5 mins before booking.

Lessons learned.

OP posts:
Tabarnak · 10/06/2026 15:46

Dearg · 10/06/2026 15:36

Well your mum likes an overstep doesn’t she?

If this were me, I would go back to my mum and say something along the lines of

‘Gosh mum, was not expecting you to book this! This was to be my & ds’ first solo trip and I was hugely looking forward to that. I think it would be best for us all if you rearranged your own trip. Maybe we can plan a ( insert suitable day trip) together when we are back ? Love Op & son’

This.

"Maybe add something like sorry for the misunderstanding but I wanted it to be simple and straightforward and had I been planning a wider family holiday I would have spoken to you before booking it"

However, she is going to be very upset however you do it, if you say no. No way round that, really.

ByRoseBiscuit · 10/06/2026 15:45

With the history given I’m quite surprised you sent her the link to the exact hotel you are staying at, and I’m assuming told her exactly when you will be there as well. Definitely answer her more vaguely in future if you don’t want her gatecrashing! I would explain that you wanted some quality time just with your DS, is she likely to still just come anyway?!

TorroFerney · 10/06/2026 15:45

Allseeingallknowing · 10/06/2026 15:22

Bit cruel!

Show quote history

For the op yes I agree it is what a faff.

SardinesOnButteredToast · 10/06/2026 15:45

Suggested reply: Mum, I see that you went ahead and booked the same hotel I'm going to with Sam. As I wrote, I'm looking forward to a solo holiday with him. If you decide to go I hope you have a good time, but I just wanted to be clear in advance that Sam and I will be keeping it to ourselves this year like I said in my text. I thought it would be helpful to get clear about that now so you can make your plans based on that. I didn't want you to feel disappointed once you got there if you had assumed we'd be open to another joint trip this year.

TheDenimPoet · 10/06/2026 15:42

FeliciaFancybottom · 10/06/2026 14:59

Why did you feel the need to announce it?

Do you not tell your family when you book a holiday? It's called chatting, and being interested in each other's lives? You sound horrendously fun.

SardinesOnButteredToast · 10/06/2026 15:41

Someone on Mumsnet shared something that really did, at the time, change my life. They said (and it was also a parent problem), if someone is going to end up unhappy whatever you do, why should that person ALWAYS be you? It made me realise that I always put my mother's feelings first because I couldn't bear the outcome of her feelings and behaviour. That lede to realising how inappropriate her behaviour was, and how I would never treat my own child that way. And then THAT made me realise that I was bending myself into a pretzel to avoid upsetting someone who'd spent my whole life putting their own feelings first. Which gave me the anger and strength to start putting me first. Truly, life changing. The power of Mumsnet.

youalright · 10/06/2026 15:41

Shinyandnew1 · 10/06/2026 15:34

If you had been on a disastrous holiday with one of them last year, I bet you wouldn’t have told them when you’d booked to go this year and sent the exactly hotel link just in case, though…!

Show quote history

There is a big difference between planning and booking a holiday with someone and them randomly booking a holiday you have already booked with someone else

FancyKeyboard · 10/06/2026 15:39

I'd have to be blunt and tell her to cancel. It was wrong of her to book it so quickly.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/06/2026 15:39

Esmeraldathe3rd · 10/06/2026 15:22

I'd reply "wtf mum no! I've just said its a solo holiday for me and .... Why would you gatecrash it without even asking first? We'll be doing our own thing, I'm looking forward to spending time alone with .... So hope you enjoy your solo holiday."

You know you don't have to be polite to rude people right? You don't have to treat on eggshells and choose your words carefully when someone shows no regard for you at all.

If she says "that's rude!" You say "not as rude as booking to gatecrash someone else's holiday without asking first."

This

Allseeingallknowing · 10/06/2026 15:39

ZenNudist · 10/06/2026 15:35

Tell her to cancel. If she doesn't I'd cancel and never tell her where you're going again.

Her Mum will lose money

Whinge · 10/06/2026 15:36

Shinyandnew1 · 10/06/2026 15:34

If you had been on a disastrous holiday with one of them last year, I bet you wouldn’t have told them when you’d booked to go this year and sent the exactly hotel link just in case, though…!

Show quote history

Exactly.

Booking the same hotel is weird, and no one is denying that. But if OP had such a terrible experience last year, then why send the exact travel dates and hotel to the person who made the previous holiday so awful?

TheBloomingDahlia · 10/06/2026 15:36

MammaBear4000 · 10/06/2026 15:09

I just thought she was being nosey and wanted to see where we had booked (which is usual) and was in a family grouo chat.

She didn't book separately last year as an FYI. We had a weeks holiday (planned and booked by me) and was awful for us all so I really didn't think she would book on again. I take the point the link might have seemed like an invitation. Absolutely kicking myself!

So did she also have a bad time on the last trip? How bizarre for her to want to repeat that. I would definitely ask her to cancel and tell her you specifically said it was your first solo holiday together!

Dearg · 10/06/2026 15:36

Well your mum likes an overstep doesn’t she?

If this were me, I would go back to my mum and say something along the lines of

‘Gosh mum, was not expecting you to book this! This was to be my & ds’ first solo trip and I was hugely looking forward to that. I think it would be best for us all if you rearranged your own trip. Maybe we can plan a ( insert suitable day trip) together when we are back ? Love Op & son’

OntheupsoIam · 10/06/2026 15:35

In what way was she awful?

ZenNudist · 10/06/2026 15:35

Tell her to cancel. If she doesn't I'd cancel and never tell her where you're going again.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/06/2026 15:34

youalright · 10/06/2026 15:31

How can anyone blame op for this her mum is being weird and massively unreasonable. I've told plenty of people where I'm going on holiday in the past. Friends, family, colleagues, neighbours and not one of them has just randomly booked to come along.

If you had been on a disastrous holiday with one of them last year, I bet you wouldn’t have told them when you’d booked to go this year and sent the exactly hotel link just in case, though…!

tripleginandtonic · 10/06/2026 15:33

amicisimma · 10/06/2026 15:00

I must say that I'm not surprised that she took you sending the link as an invitation to book there herself. Specially as she has form.

This. It's on you.

Daisydoesnt · 10/06/2026 15:33

why on earth did you tell her where you were going?! This is on you OP

youalright · 10/06/2026 15:31

How can anyone blame op for this her mum is being weird and massively unreasonable. I've told plenty of people where I'm going on holiday in the past. Friends, family, colleagues, neighbours and not one of them has just randomly booked to come along.

IonianNerveGrip · 10/06/2026 15:29

If you take nothing else from this experience, don't send her the link again.

Mumandcarer80 · 10/06/2026 15:28

Just tell her she ruined your holiday last year so you will do your own thing and leave her to do hers.