AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

Any update, OP?

My ds's ils surprised them on their holiday last year..
Ds wasn't bothered...his fil paid for the night out !
If we showed up on dd's trip she would walk past and pretend she hadn't seen us !
Your dm needs the diet of less information in future.

You're going to have to tell her or only allow her to stay for one day. Booking elsewhere may also be a good idea. Next time skip the map and details on WhatsApp. Keep it to yourself, she may have felt invited. Also talk to her about how she ruined previous holiday. God id be furious!

From one of OP's posts:

'We had a very large row about her leaving my child in a very dangerous situation (think drowning) type thing. I left them alone for minutes to get us all something and arrived back just in time.

I got shouted (and sworn at) after saying what she did wasn't ok.'

Sending someone a link only seems like an invitation if the message includes the words 'would you like to join us?'. Otherwise it's just the simplest way to convey the information with minimal typing.

Sending a link is perfectly normal. Responding by booking onto the holiday is not.

Why on earth send her the link?It seems like an invitation. You know whaat she is like ,so why give her any chances?You either tell her or you don't. Both will have negative results .

Love it. I'd do this.

Did you manage to get anything sorted OP?

I too would be seething! I also would have done exactly what you have done and sent the link where we were staying purely just to show - without dreaming in a million years anyone would simply book and invite themselves on holiday with me!!

Done a holiday with my mum and kids when I was single thinking she would be an extra pair of helping hands but with hindsight, I wish I’d gone alone with them. She just isn’t the sort of granny who wants to spend time with the kids and it ended up being a week long listening to her moan about all the bad things that happened during her marriage to my dad - things I genuinely would rather not have heard

Not quite the same but many moons ago i booked an all inclusive with my then boyfriend, i was 17, parents agreed. Then booked the exact same dates. When i found out i changed the dates and did not tell them. Also meant i spent my 18th birthday on holiday. Mum was fuming, we are no contact now. Just tell her manage the fallout if u can.

what made the holiday so bad last year ?

Seeing so many issues easily resolved with people learning the skill of assertiveness.

As a grandparent I wouldn't dream of booking unless invited!

tell her to f off

I’m a granny and if either of my daughters had booked a trip they might have sent me a link as the quickest way to answer the “where is it?” question. So I don’t think you did anything wrong in telling her, or in sending the link.

I have been invited on trips. Once to babysit and twice because they needed a bit of help with the bill (bucket list destination). We ask first, check dates and clarify the room/bed set up.

How will OP undo Granny’s massive mistake???? It depends on how well they get on day to day.

Could some boundaries be set as in “my message made it clear that I was looking forward to time alone with DS. Please don’t expect you will be with us all the time.” Or just “you need to cancel. This is our time”

I can't help wondering why, when you say she ruined your holiday with your son last year, you would announce to her where and when you've planned this year's holiday. Didn't you see this coming? Does she realize that last year's was miserable for you? It sounds like she's insensitive/clueless and you don't know how to set boundaries. You might see if you can change your booking, but you really have no control over her behavior.

I'd 'accidentally' send her the link to this thread...

This.

and in future don’t send her a link ffs

Eh? Was it Opposite Day?

Why though? In my 40 odd years on this planet I have never thought I was invited to someone else's holiday unless they asked me.

I'm away next week for a sporting event and shared the hotel link because they asked where I was staying and I couldn't be bothered explaining it. If I have numerous people from the group chat turning up then I hope they will all want to hang around together because I won't be involved!

I still can't get my head round anyone who wasn't specifically asked to join would think it was an invitation just because you show where you're staying.

Lesson learned.

Why on earth did you send her a link to the hotel? If that were me and I’d been away with you the previous year I’d have taken it that you wanted me to come too.

As the daughter of a narcissistic mother I can say with certainty narcissists don't accept boundaries. They don't accept that anything they do is anything but good and justified. If she's a matyr she may use the upset excuse but its not upset because she cares about her daughter and grandson it's upset because her ego is being bruised. The fake display of hurt from a martr narcissist is something incredible to behold. She probably puts her mother first 99 times out of a hundred as it is and I bet it's still never enough.
She should move hotels and not tell her the name of it.

No it doesn't. Unless you're mad.

I know. It’s bonkers behaviour.

Maybe there are a lot of people like that if they think the OP is at fault!

Ah well. Just suck it up but you know what to do next year

Don't be ridiculous.

The only person whose fault it is is the Mum, who invited herself on to someone else's holiday. No one asked her to come. Who does that?!

If someone asked to see where I was staying I'd send a link, if they booked and turned up I'd think they were nuts!

Granted, I wouldn't send them a link again.