AIBU to feel stuck financially while working part-time with young twins?

Just like the OP you’re tone deaf.

Your attitude of thinking that anyone who isn’t as privileged as the OP must “fiend what they earn” is so entitled and completely wrong.

There are people out there who are living pay day to pay day and not because they’re pissing it all away.

Absolutely everything has gone up in cost. food, fuel, bills and so on.
Rent is extortionate and childcare is too.

Your attitude absolutely stinks and you need to check your privilege.

I find it quite disheartening watching friends and family progress financially while I feel as though I’m standing still.

Are you dissatisfied with your day to day life? What do you want different? What is driving the not feeling good about this?

Honestly, it sounds like you are in a great place given all the variables, so where is this anxiety coming from? Are you hating only working 2 days a week because it is soul destroying spending five days a week with twin toddlers? (No judgement, I had twin toddlers and hated it.) Or are you concerned about your own financial independence in the event of a split?

If you have a good relationship, and are doing OK with being at home with DT, try to let go of the financial jealousy. You are financially stable which is a lot more than many can say; and all of us can find our circumstances change abruptly and we have no control over that. Try to focus more on the good things you have in your life and stop panicking about what everyone else has / is doing.

I think you're in a very fortunate position, just as you are.

However yes, I can understand why you're thinking about it. I have twins too and went back to work full time and they went to full-time childcare (3 days nursery, 3 days family). Yes, I do think doing so put me in a better position career-wise, but everyone is different.

Anu UK person not working can pay up to a maximum of £2880 into a SIPP per tax year. The Government adds free money up to £3600.

Suggest you do this while you are not working.

The downside is that you due to your age cannot access the money until you are 57.

Alternately pay into tax free LISA or ISA

Why would you say that? She’s worried she has posted for reassurance.

I know if you’re the sort of person who just fiends all you earn rather than being responsible that it can be hard to understand the mindset of people who plan for the future but please at least try to.

Saving and investing are good things to do, but it’s really not a problem if you need to pause them for a couple of years when finances are a bit tight.

As long as you’re not eating into what you have already saved and are going to pick it up again when the children are in school it’s best not to let it concern you.

You don’t know how lucky you are. Don’t compare your life to others

I’m sure you’ll survive. You need to suck it up until the kids are at school.

As most people do. It’s hard isn’t it? My SIL works full time, has a 2.5 year old and almost 8 year old (Covid delayed ivf for second) they’re at nursery/school all day every day plus breakfast and after school clubs. She even has to work the odd Saturday sometimes (redundancies at her job means she picks up the slack). She does do the odd wfh day but only maybe once a week.

Unpopular opinion here, but I chose not to work part time when mine were young even though we could afford to live on one salary. As much as I love DH, who knows what the future holds so I didn't want to effect my earning potential or own pension contributions and so had mine in FT childcare. Yes it was a struggle logistically foe a couple of years but the children thrived and I continued my career trajectory and I could afford to fully support us should anything happen. I've seen too many women go part time only for their DH to piss off with another woman and then they are left trying to rebuild careers and struggling financially.

You should be fine. Imagine the childcare you’d pay for 2. Think of the savings you’re making there and by being lucky enough to work part time and look after them. You’ll build up your savings in time. Honestly, compared to some mums I know (my DB and SIL) you’re bloody lucky to be in the position you are in. Most mums of babies I know take a year off if they can afford to do so, when baby is born then straight back to work at 1 year old. That’s the lucky ones.

I imagine someone who would like a work/ life balance would find it disheartening not to have a job at all, and see others’ careers progressing while theirs goes backwards. Or those unable to find PT flexibility, or having to return full time to pay the mortgage.

Point being, the best you can hope for as a mum is the luxury of choosing your own problem to have.

Sounds like you need to cut netflix out maybe? I joke. You are fine.

I’m going to say that you sound bloody miserable. Your family is financially secure and you have two beautiful young children I think you need to stop looking at other people and relax and enjoy your life. Most people at this stage of life have very little savings. I’m going to make your head explode and tell you that I became a fulltime sahm and effectively haven’t contributed any money to the family coffers in years and I don’t feel guilty about that or feel stuck financially. Is your DH making you feel guilty about the family finance situation?

You're not standing still. You are keeping your career and pension credits alive during the brief time your children are pre-school age. If you worked full time, after nursery fees or a nanny's salary, taxes and commuting costs you'd be no better off but absolutely exhausted and wishing you weren't missing out on your children;s formative years.

I hope your partner pays the nursery fees so you have something to show for your work.

This is what I always think. I appreciate it's hard with cash flow, particularly if you are on a low income and there are certain extra expenses with twins (like buying duplicates rather than passing items down) but in the long term it must be financially far more efficient than having two children a couple of years apart. I felt similarly to you when my children were young but the time genuinely flies by. It's really a very short period in terms of your lifetime earnings.

I think it's normal to stand still financially when your children are little.
I wouldn't worry. It will pass more quickly than you want it to !

Make sure you are using the time to plan what you'd like to do (work more hours, career change etc) and what childcare you might use when they are older.

I mean you have £40k in saving and a husband who sits all the bills - you are keeping your hand in work by doing 2 days. It’s inky for a couple of years (not a decade) I think you’ll be ok (mum of twins here who went back to work full time when they were 20 weeks old)

I get the feeling the saving bit is driven by him. 12 months savings based on his salary is more than enough. Rest for lifestyle spending at your age

I have to work full time with a 2 year old. I am very envious of your position.

Speaking as part of a household where we both work FT with one 2yo toddler (and I compress hours), the grass isn't greener.

Having said that, I think it would be worth considering scaling up your working hours sooner than the start of school. What about keeping an eye out for the right sort of opportunity that is 3-4 days, rather than two? Especially as the twins get older, it will be easier to steadily ramp up work rather than go all in when they go to school.

As long as you and your husband are a true financial team right now this can work. Just don’t fall into the trap of thinking of it as his money because he is the one working more.

What did you think would happen? At this stage it is extremely rare to be making any substantial savings. Childcare and/or reduced hours are normal for everyone.

Are you planning/hoping to have more children? Even if you are, one maternity leave for 2 children seems like excellent value in terms of lost income/time out of the workplace. This will be a relatively short period out of your life.