To think introducing independence at 8/9yo isn't neglectful?

It 1000% depends on the child.

Read the book stolen focus, it’s actually very low risk and good for them to allow them out in the community. But there is always the risk of bullies and big kids mugging them or worse.

I live in one of those countries, very normal for children to walk to school and other places themselves from 6/7 years old (when they start school) so my children have has that independence since that age but we're on holiday in the UK right now and tbh I'm reluctant to let my 8 year old even go to the shop across the road because the traffic is so much worse here, like people drive less carefully - back home (in my town at least) cars will slow down when there's children walking, so they are ready to stop quickly in case a child does something unpredictable and there's zebra crossings everywhere (that drivers actually stop at if someone looks like they're preparing to cross). This may just be an issue in the particular town and area I'm staying in right now though.

It varies, I guess. And, it would depend on the environment, location, child's maturity levels etc. I started giving my DC this sort of independence at around 12 and that was about the time his friends' had it too.

There is no right or wrong, it is probably not very dangerous giving your child independence at 9 if they are sensible and understand crossing roads and stranger danger, etc, although them cycling in a busy city would give me nightmares. On the other hand there's nothing wrong with being a bit over protective while they are still quite young.

YANBU.

I guess I'm what people call "free range," on MN but considered entirely normal here in the North West. A lot of it is area dependent.

DD has been playing outside without supervision (although I check on her every 10 minutes or so) from aged 5. I'll probably start allowing her to walk to the park or the village library with a friend from 7/8. We live in a small, quiet village.

Unfortunately, the walk to school isn't well set-up for pedestrians with country roads with no pavements or a very busy main road which she'd need to cross a few times to get to the pavements which are only on one side and annoyingly not the same one the whole way. I probably wouldn't let her walk, and definitely not cycle with the speed the lorries go along the main road, at any age in Primary.

However, the trend of not letting children out at all is hindering them massively and it's a snowball effect. If at the age of 10, your child has never been out of your sight, their peers will be leaps and bounds ahead of them and they aren't going to have the "stepping stones" available to catch up. If your friend's DS isn't allowed to walk to a nearby corner shop, the idea of him soon being ready to cycle to school is going to be wild to her.

It's good to encourage independence but obviously it needs to be risk assessed. I remember watching a programme about what age for independence. Some things, like handle a sharp knife to cut up apple etc can be taught around 4 to 5 years old. Other things like crossing a road and judging the speed of a car to know if you had time to cross was around 10 to 11 years old.

Ultimately it is up to the parent, though (that’s the pedant in me, sorry.)

I can't remember the name, but there was a TV programme a few years back that got children to navigate across London without adult guidance, that showed how capable some kids are.

And my kids have been allowed to use real knives to prepare food etc since being toddlers. It's how they best learn (with constant supervision, explanation and guidance). Now they are competent at cooking and prepping.

They wander everywhere with friends and get buses alone to wherever they fancy etc. They are more capable than we realise, stifling them with lack of trust and growth opportunities doesn't do them any favours.

Our local schools only allow year 6 to walk to and from by themselves.

I agree, and I think it’s when children are out unsupervised with friends it can be more problematic as they can become sillier and more fearless, especially if showing off to each other. I was cycling home the other day along a road with a tight blind bend at one end and just as I reached the bend, a group of young boys on bicycles came swooping around it on the wrong side of the road. Had I been a car, it could have been awful. I told them they needed to be careful, they probably took not a blind bit of notice and laughed behind my back once I was out of sight, and I had no way to feed back to schools or parents.

In my village, solo school walks start in y5. Before that they send each child out to their waiting adult on the playground.

I walk with mine in the morning because everyone goes at different times, but DC comes home alone after school, I think the herd of parents and friends walking all together after school and crossing the road at the same time makes this a good slide into more independence.

Also I am a Girlguiding leader and building independence is a core part of what we do, so girls quite often have experiences and opportunities for independence that they wouldn’t get at home. I’ve had parents amazed that their 5yo has been chopping vegetables with a knife or helping to light a fire or loads of ‘risky’ stuff because it just hadn’t ever occurred to them this was a thing they could do.

I think older siblings often are a bit more independent because they have had to be. My nearly three year old still won’t go into soft play alone, whereas her brother had to because I couldn’t really cart a newborn in!

There is no rush. Personally I am glad my children aren’t having a childhood like mine! But equally I do see the downsides. Like many things it’s a balance. I don’t want to push mine into independence early but I also don’t like the way anxiety in mothers is sometimes shown to be evidence of loving care.

DD1 is 7 and we are starting to give her some more independence with certain things, like we will walk home and at a certain point she’s allowed to go off ahead and get herself home across a couple of very quiet roads with me a minute or two behind. She will go up to counters and order for herself, if she’s out with little sister she will take charge in checking for traffic on the quiet roads, preparing her own breakfast and packing most of her own lunch, chopping fruit and veg. etc. I think there’s a lot that can be done in these gradual and small changes and responsibilities rather than it having to be anything dramatic.

That said, she’s a sensible child. One of her friends in particular i wouldn’t let out of my sight when out of the house, she has no road sense.

There are benefits to closer supervision and there are benefits to independence. Neither is inherently better or worse.

It’s really common in the summer to see a child on a bike, wearing a helmet 👍 and one on the handle bars or back with no head protection. I often see young dc cycling along the wrong side of the road, or cutting through the middle of a junction on a right hand turn. These are decisions which make perfect sense to a child. As an adult it really bothers me to witness this stuff and have no way to let the caring adults in their lives know.

I think if you want to support independence, it would be wise to follow at a distance sometimes or turn up unexpectedly now and then. If they’re walking to school, you could let other dps know you’re open to hearing about anything concerning because they probably may hesitate to tell you or interfere.

It’s like people saying about their kids being able to be left at home at x age, saying they’d be able to deal with anything that happens. The thing is even an adult wouldn’t be able to deal with anything hugely out of the ordinary, any of the freak incidents that occur!

On the walking to school thing I’ve beeped young kids who were walking behind cars reversing, or seen bikes heading towards the road when cycling on the path. I’ve seen dogs roaming and myself and another dad once stopped a group of lads hassling a very young lad walking on his own.

Calling it neglectful to me is ridiculous but having your kids do things on their own age 8/9/10/11 - I just don’t get that people pat themselves on the back about it- a lot of the kids’ independence that I’ve introduced is sadly because working ft hasn’t allowed me the luxury of staying home with them when they were off/ sick as teens/ that I couldn’t drop/ collect. They’ve always been fine but to me it’s not good that there wasn’t someone there for them

This for sure. If there's anything I'm not sure about I would check (leaving my daughter and a friend home alone briefly at 12, going into town on their own, etc)

I trend towards independence - my son was walking the mile to school on his own at 8 but he was the first in his class, my daughter takes herself to ballet class but most other kids are dropped off (changing now she's 13), I don't really care about music much. But I care a LOT about violent video games and bedtime and I would say most of my son's friends don't really feel the same. So there will always be differences and it's not linear.

I don't think anyone is really wrong or right - a lot of these decisions will have impacts far, far in the future and it's impossible to know which decisions will mean the most in 5-10-20 years. You can only use your best judgement knowing your kid, your neighbourhood and what you can live with if something were to happen.

It did actually blow my mind last night - took my son to a trial at an athletics club. He's 9 (turning 10 next week) so they had him in the 10-14 group. We got there and no one introduced themselves or anything and my son just ran off into the neighbourhood with a bunch of strangers. Realised as I watched him go that no one had any idea how to contact me or if he had any health issues or anything. All was fine but it was a massive difference to any of the other clubs my kids have done so definitely gave me some food for thought!

Both my DC walked to and from school alone (15 min walk or so), aged 8. Many of their friends did as well, and yes we do live in a village. They learn a lot in doing so, my DS1 made the right choice the day there was an unexpected cow in the field he had to cross, and turned around and walked the long way rather than push past! He didn't know if it was a cow or a bull and wasn't risking anything 😁

My 10 year now has a lot of freedom to roam, and yes I do rely to an extent on other people having eyes on him (neighbours, other parents, just people around). It's a calculated risk but one with huge benefits