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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel unable to cope with caring for my autistic son?

57 replies

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 09/06/2026 22:08

I feel so burnt out. I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to spend my afternoon being hit, pinched and shoved about by my 5 year old. I know it's frustration, I know it's not his fault. He's level 3 autistic, non verbal and his development is like that of a 12 month old. So I know it's not his fault but I don't want to do it anymore.
Yes I have contacted the GP and have an appointment in 7 weeks!!
School have suggested getting (or trying to get) a disability SW. We have agreed and are waiting for a social care review I think but it's just more stress.
Already having to go to tribunal about DS school place and not sure I can deal with SS too.
DS is only in school part time and is home by 1 and it's always been this way since reception. I don't want to do it anymore. My head hurts all the time, I cry every day.
I have spoken to DH who is worse than useless and just says well yeah he is hard work but you have to keep going. I don't want to. I constantly think about being hit by a car so I get a break. I even think about ending it all. I honestly think DS would be better off if I wasn't here.
Would it be really unreasonable to just leave? Just say the caring aspect is too much? Or am I right in thinking I'm just a shit mum and parents who have children with more severe needs than mine keep going and so should I?
I'll probably get flamed for this post. Stupid thing is I absolutely adore DS but I'm failing him and he deserves better.

OP posts:
LoftyCoralBird · 09/06/2026 22:15

Yes to getting a SW and telling them everything.

Can DH do the afternoon stint, while you work?

If you are at risk of stepping in front of a car or chucking yourself off a bridge please present yourself to A&E immediately.

Please be really honest about not coping when speaking to all professionals, teachers, GP, SW, medics, any consultants. You're likely only to get help when obviously at rock bottom and in crisis.

Pippa12 · 09/06/2026 22:15

I don’t think flaming you is going to help, you sound at breaking point and for that I truly feel for you. There is little to no support out there which is catastrophic for SEN parents. Anyway to expedite your GP appointment by ringing in at crisis point? Do you have any friends or family that can step in? Have you spoken to school?

You sound like you’ve completely burned out 💐

G1ngerbread · 09/06/2026 22:15

I am sorry, I don't have anything helpful to suggest, but didn’t want to not respond. It is really really hard and support is very hard to come by. Try and take anything g you can get and do not worry about SS, make it clear he is a child in need, you are not coping, and need support. Look on your local councils local offer website to see what support is available. Does he have an EHCP?

Quitelikeit · 09/06/2026 22:14

This is so sad- I really feel for you - sadly I think your scenario is a common one - have you considered going on anti depressants? They can help by dulling the pain somewhat

cannynotsay · 09/06/2026 22:14

Ok, you’re not a shit mum, you’re just clearly dealing with a lot on your own by the sounds of it. Also you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts. Is there anyone you can talk too. Or reach out too for respite care. You can’t do this alone. Your DH needs to step up too. As much as your boy needs you, you also need you. Time to put yourself first and get some care for you. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

RubyFatball · 09/06/2026 22:12

Didn’t want to read and run, realise how hard things must feel and you’ve got a really shitty end of the stick.
You recognise yourself that it’s burnout talking - time to listen to that.
It’s of vital importance (like, critical for you and your son) that you get some time off. You and DH need to tag team to allow each of you a proper break each week. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 09/06/2026 22:12

You are not failing him at all @Stressedoutmummyof3

Autism is a bastard, especially when their burnout comes with violent outbursts.

You need to be kinder to yourself.

What does your DH do to support when he is home from work? He needs to give you a break, tap you out so you get a break.

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