AIBU to feel unable to cope with caring for my autistic son?

I'm not debating you. Effective support is non-judgemental and person-centered, not telling someone what to do.

Do you think she is currently in the right frame of.mind or circumstances to make that kind of decision.
Ex mil was also sucidal due to horrific incidents when she made that desicion. She should of instead been offered proper support

Your son needs you more than anyone, so please don’t go anywhere. But you are completely justified to feel burnt out and fed up. That’s a lot to handle. You need help and it sounds like you’ve started the process so that’s great. Can you connect with other mum’s in a similar position? Solidarity on the tough days. You’re doing brilliantly and just need a bit of support.

Neither you, nor I, know what she needs, only OP does. You don't tell a suicidal mum what to do, just because of your ex-mil's experience.

I'm so sorry OP. You aren't a bad mum at all you're just in a really difficult situation. It sounds like a lot of the problem is your husband, he needs to step up and do his fair share of parenting his child. Could you just pick a day each week when he's home and just take yourself off for the day, go and do anything you like,and leave your husband with your ds? It's completely unacceptable that he's leaving you to do all the parenting

Why? She just needs respite and is clearly struggling with depression from it all.
If she does something in this frame of mind she may well regret it
She hasnt had enough support or time to breathe yet

I’m so sorry you’re in this position OP. You sound completely at burnout. Echoing other posters who have said you are a GOOD mum who has simply been pushed to her limit. Please tell social services how you are feeling. Nobody could cope indefinitely in these circumstances. 💐

You can walk away op, but it's likely you don't have to.

You need a break, a real proper break. If you're a sahp get your husband to book a weeks annual leave, book a few nights of that time away, even in a local hotel. It's his turn to deal with everything day and night while you recover. Take that time to think of ways to have a break that are more sustainable and speak to your husband about stepping up.

Make it clear to him that if he doesn't he'll have at best a divorce on his hands.

You're friend is a condescending moron. If that sentiment were true we wouldn't see women committing suicide, families committing murder auicideea etce tc.

Just to add you are not failing - you are posting because you love your son but cannot cope and quite rightly need support and sadly you have to fight for every ounce of that. Feel free to PM me x

I totally agree. Your life is important, OP. You don’t deserve to be a punchbag. If the child’s father can’t share more of the load then save yourself. I for one would not judge you.

Social services can be great - make sure you request the disability team if there is one locally. They can provide respite options. Not necessarily overnight but options like carers coming in to give you a break, or disability clubs.

Are there any carer groups you could get involved with? Sometimes just having someone to chat to who understands makes it so much easier.

Your oh doesnt sound very sympathetic and I wonder if he's being proactive in making sure you both get breaks?

Just want to add my support. Don't ever feel guilty. Keep venting on here if it helps.

As a mum to a teenage autistic adhd child who is now bigger than me, and has angry outbursts where we have called the police to intervene, I can empathise with your struggles - although our children’s needs are quite different. We absolutely had to reach rock bottom before we have help, I reported to everyone, GP, Camhs, daily phone calls to SS, and the council every week to implement an alternative provision and provide support. I raised my own safeguarding and encouraged other professionals to also. Utterly exhausting, I got to the point where I requested my son was fostered as I honestly could not cope. The support is shit unless you are at crisis point. The most helpful person was a family practitioner who is not a social worker but can help coordinate and access services. Have you had contact with them?

you are the best mum he can have, and you can still take a break.

don't be afraid to cry and make a fuss in front of the doctor / teacher / social worker. if you pretend to be strong they will assume you can cope, so let your emotion come out and show that you need more support.

at the weekend, when DH is home, what would happen if you tell DH that you really can't manage. Then walk out and check yourself into a hotel for the night? Let DH do the parenting and get yourself a hot bath and a good rest. then when you come back the next day, you will be stronger and DH will have learnt a bit.

This is a really unfair thing to say to someone.

Social services will really help. Please dont give him up. My exs mum did this as he has severe adhd and she had a horrific chain of events around the time. She realkt regretted irt.
You are in burn out. You need a respjte. Sending you love

God. ?????
Why bring religion into this. There is no god
The poster is saying she can't handle it.

You need to put your own oxygen mask on first. You need designed alone/respite time each week- your husband will need to facilitate this. Is there are local charity group that runs holiday clubs for children and parent support groups?

Parenting is hard even with a NT child, so recognise that you have it harder than most and that there should be no guilt in not liking it.

A friend of mine once told me, God gives us what he knows we can handle. So you can do this OP but gather as much support from your DH as you can and get as many breaks as you can. Keep fighting for the help too. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner whether he can show you this or not. Keep loving him and cuddling him. You’re his world.

i feel for you . Not everyone is cut out to be a carer especially with no end in site .

You are not a shit mum.

Caring for autistic children is HARD.

Are you in the UK? (the fact that you have put 'level 3 autism' makes me wonder as I didn't think they gave out levels here).

If you are in the UK, have you been on touch with the school nursing service on your area? Basically I've found that you have to shout from the rafters to anyone that will listen that you aren't ok.

Not many people will say this to you, but you can give yourself permission to walk away. Some Mums do leave, and the family finds a way x

So sorry you're struggling so badly. Do you have the means to get some private support? This place helped my friend's son, they are remarkable by the sounds of it. If not, I wonder if there is anything else online that could help understand and support him in a way that reduces the behaviours. I am sure you've tried lots already.

www.therapyspacebristol.co.uk

Of course you're not a shit Mum, far from it. You're just burnt out and unsupported. You desperately need some help and respite, it's become too much for you to shoulder on your own.
Your DH needs to understand how deep your feelings are running at the moment and how low you are feeling. He needs to take over some of the responsibilities and strain while you are waiting for more GP and Social work input.