AIBU to opt out of health visitor visits

I didn't find HVs helpful in the slightest. Among other issues, they couldn't follow the advice of DD's actual pediatrician about the schedule she should be weighed and measured on.

Rather than opting out, I ended up getting DH to take those appointments (to the shock of the HVs, who found it incredible that a dad might actually be involved with their kid's appointment). I felt this achieved my not having to talk to them without the risk they'd see it as a safeguarding issue.

She’s right on all counts but you can chose to ignore her and opt out.

I ate nuts throughout pregnancy and generally have always had a diet full of nuts and seeds.
No allergies in the family.
Rubbed the tiniest amount of peanut butter on my baby's tongue in line with allergen exposure advice and...bam! Red circle around the mouth and DS rubbing his gums with his fists and crying.
Tried one last time at 18 months and he projectile vomited within a couple of minutes. And so it has stayed - severe vomiting on exposure. Carries Epi-pen in case it progresses to Anaphylaxis.
No one did anything "wrong". Medical science has a long way to go still to understand allergies.

Thanks for this.
I have a bad experience of health visitors and find them inadequately trained and derogatory.
When my DC was about 1 mo the HV got mental as he was 20g below expected weight and sent us to a&e as "the jaundice returned". We spent the night at hospital with an overtired baby only for the baby doctor to say this is complete waste of time as his treatment was complete and up-to-date with regular clinic visits.

This is what everyone is not saying. It can flag if you refuse HV depending on whether there are other risk factors or not. The idea upthread that they “don’t have time” to do their mandatory safeguarding duty is preposterous. If you’re worried about it, maybe best to meet at least once, see what she’s like, and then decline further visits if you prefer. FWIW, I was worried about whether the HV was going to be judgemental or overbearing but in the end all but one of my HVs were really fantastic and supportive.

Several kids in my family had allergies they grew out of!
2 were cows milk protein intolerant, both grew out of it
1 had an orange allergy & grew out of it
1 had an egg allergy and grew out of it

Hi, just going through this thread as I'm prepping for a hv to attend, against my will. Did you have your case flagged when you denied HV entry to your home?

i wouldnt opt out
you wont have to see her much anyway
and she sounds up to date with her advice

I wanted to with all of mine but felt they’d find it suspicious, like I was hiding something so didn’t. I was fortunate that Covid hit so I think I saw one twice with my youngest, and once was because I requested it due to him not walking by 20 months.

They’re just often a bit useless. I found them quite intrusive and nosey. Most often middle class older women filled with outdated advice and anecdotes which aren’t overly helpful or relatable.

my daughter opted out, we used to take my dear granddaughter to the clinic. she wasn't crawling or even rolling at the assessment and the HV visitor said oooo we have to be careful she is near the red dot, i asked what that meant and she said it means she is over weight. i said she isnt even crawling. safe to say we never went back and got a HV form saying 2 year check we declined. they didnt like it wanted to know why, then said we are going to have to let your doctor know, then the doctor messaged saying about it. but i agree with you, opt out. women have give birth and raised kids for thousands of years without having to answer or listen to HV. you know your child and if you are concerned you can visit your doctor.

Every health visitor would have hated me if l told them the truth. My son was fully weaned at 6 months old. Never did him any harm, he is 29years of age now, six foot 9inches and a very healthy young man.Only problem he as ever had is he wanted to become a pilot in the RAF , he went through all the interviews etc. He got a letter saying he had successful, but they could not take his application any further, due to his height he wouldn't be able to eject from the aircraft, it would rip off his knee caps. They offered him to train as an air traffic controller, he was devastated, he declined the offer. He is now an engineer with a private pilots licence.
Do what you like, tell the HV what they want to hear...you know your child

What does your doctor say re introducing foods earlier? Just based on your family history, wondering if you are under allergist doc, if not, please request referral due to family history for baby.
Have
you begun milk ladders for CMPA for older two, with paediatric support/input?

You can opt out of HV. Or change HV. Like others say, evidence suggests earlier rather than later for introducing allergens, especially if family history, however you may feel safer to do this within clinic environment which you can ask allergy team at local trust to accommodate.

I sacked mine and wrote a stonking letter of complaint I swear she sent me crazy - cant believe you’re still putting up with her at weaning age!! Call the HV team, quote what she said to you about wanting another child with allergies and say you’ll see them at the next official development check.

I understand you nervousness with allergies - my second had immediate, severe reactions to pretty much every food I gave him so we waited until we had both a peads and dietician/allergy clinic appointment. We ended up having to thicken everything due to a previously unknown medical issue, start again with allergens and attempt multiple ladders. Your eldest seem way worse than my second and I’d be incredibly cautious if I were to do it again, especially as you have a higher natural risk hereditarily. Despite not weaning my second until almost 9 months - so no allergens after the initial doomed exposures - he now only remains allergic to soy, and is a bottomless pit! I think it’s really easy to say “the advice is x”, but the lived experience when you feel like youre poisoning your child and needing to dash to a&e is so different. I actually went back to the HV who was useless just told me to get through the allergies, my GP was amazing and so were the consultants when we were admitted. I would encourage speaking to a GP or a dietician for advice given the risk factors, they might do nuts etc in clinic/on the ward. And they medically properly understand and see families like it and can advise, HVs are pot luck! X

I opted out.

Had the "head of safeguarding" call me who was actually really nice and there was nothing done.

First HV I had was lovely. Second one would always be late or not turn up at all and I got sick of it.

You can opt out
They are interfering and a lot of them contribute to pnd
With their fussing about nonsense
And threats of social services bogey man

If your older one has serious allergies, take the advice of their consultant. I know one such family where the older child and father went away for a weekend so mum could eat the allergen and see whether breastfed younger child reacted to the change in her milk. The advice, of course, might be different now, but it may also be different where there is a particularly severe allergy in the family. You need consultant advice on that, not HV or mumsnet.

I find the HV service bizarre. The whole thing was started in the 1860s by the Manchester and Salford Sanitary Reform Association when wealthy ladies decided the poor needed guidance, so they started sending women around to tell mothers how to care for children. The aim was good - to reduce the very high infant mortality rates - but it's hard not to see it as essentially busybodying from people who believed the poor were lazy and in need of 'reform.'

The service carried on and was formalised as a government requirement because it was seen as a way of plugging the gap between birth and five, when a child starts school. Essentially a way of ensuring children didn't disappear due to lack of state involvement. Again, a good aim, but there seems to be a lack of clarity about what on earth they are supposed to be doing. In theory they're there to support everyone, but in fact all they can really do is flag up the families who seem to be struggling or the children who appear to be abused/neglected. For everyone else they're mostly an annoying and pointless interference.

It's good they exist - they're better than nothing - but they seem to suffer in the same way as all services from women suffer, from a lack of knowledge and direction as well as a lack of funding. It results in overworked people who have no real power or remit making women feel criticised rather than supported.

The HVs I came across were clueless and unhelpful. When I needed help - my DD didn't sleep and I was insane from sleep deprivation - they didn't seem to know what to do. I very much got the sense that as long as a box was ticked - i.e. everyone was alive, clean and fed - they weren't interested. The offered advice I didn't need and then fobbed me off. What was the point of that?

Anyway that's a long-winded way of saying yes you can tell them get fucked. I'm sure a lot of them are trying to do a good job, but they're working in a misogynisitic system that has no idea what women need.

Actually pureeing food is a more of a trend than BLW which had been the way of weaning throughout history. Do you think the Romans got their nutri bullet out 🤭

Of course not everyone who is pureed led has mouth and swallowing issues. Medical reporting of issues doesn’t work like that. They work on averages. And on average those that aren’t BLW report a whole lot more of these problems - and often they impact into adult life.

Don’t most people do a bit of both. My oldest is nearly 30 and my DF loved giving her a chunk of crust of bread with butter. Not sure how much she ate but she enjoyed it!
I also started weaning at 4 months! I also use to put chunks of different food on high chair but I fed her food. Plus I gave her a spoon to play with.
I’m also glad the internet wasn’t really a thing as I would have an anxious mess!

My HV in 2012 gave me a printed out link to an advice website with multiple letters etc cut out with scissors. Literally a line of text cut out complicated website. I looked at her like wtf? There had been abuse in my relationship before I gave birth but she put in my records that I was post natal, which was completely false, never had any issues with my baby. Interesting to hear that 14 years later they’re still hopeless. I went once to get DD weighed and the people there were really weird so I didn’t go again. Seems the service is still a joke. It’s ridiculous in this day and age!

How on earth is it a trend? I did BLW with my DD 15 years ago! When is it supposedly going to go out of fashion?

BLW is just the latest trend. It'll be out of fashion soon enough and I think most of us who weren't weaned in that way have perfectly good swallowing and co-ordination skills.

I had a poor experience with a HV and then moved counties (not related 😂). Once I registered at the doctors in the new place a HV phoned and offered a home visit, I declined as I didn’t feel she would add anything to my life. Nothing bad happened.

Op, not sure where you are coming from and to but I never kept any advice and ate in pregnancy absolutely everything and mixed everything in my daughter's purees and she does not have any allergy

I doubt this is the case.