Would you report neighbour?

Sorry but what your child did or didn’t do is not of relevance. The main concern is not that he’s not yet able to speak, presumably if there’s a delay that will be picked up hopefully by HVs or nursery staff if he goes. The concern is mum sitting ignoring all day (if that really is true though OP, as I wonder actually how much of the day do you see?) and drinking full bottles of wine? (Again, how often and within what time frame?)

As a social worker, this would have been early help more than any clear safeguarding concern. But if everything is true in this, then perhaps there is a cause for support

Saying ‘mind your own business’, - sorry, but safeguarding is EVERYONES business. As long as this isn’t a malicious concern and has some basis! people are quick to judge services but don’t want to share pieces of the puzzle.

She’s probably got a thread somewhere asking if she should report her neighbour for spending most of her day staring at her through her bedroom window under the guise of reading.
Exactly how many hours a day are you spending on snooping?

No but you win this week's award for the nosiest f**ker on the Net!!

Russia just called and said they’ve got very special job for you if the USSR ever reforms.

How do you know all this if you can only see in her living room window and have never spoken to her?

Are you going to phone social services about all the mums who go out for lunch and a couple of Aperol spritzes together with their kids in pushchairs as well, then? Because there are millions of them, and you're going to be very busy on the phone.

I’d imagine the health visiting team will still be involved so if they find any issues, I’m sure they’ll sort it. She’s just a mum trying to get through the day. It’s difficult when they’re small. Not everyone knows how to interact with them or enjoys it frankly. The child has toys, presumably looks clean and fed, the house isn’t a state I guess? She’s not outwardly neglectful, just from the snapshots you’ve seen struggles to know how to play with him.

If he’s non verbal it can make it tougher, he may have autism. My DS is 5 and still classes as non verbal, he’s improving but he doesn’t really have back and forth conversation so we sit together in silence a lot (which I enjoy!).

I’ll mirror other posters and say you need to get a life.

There's a big difference between noticing a giant telly in someone's house and staring at them to observe the way they interact with their child and monitor their wine intake.

The neighbour opposite me has a huge telly which is also always on; it's impossible not to notice it. But I certainly couldn't tell you whether he's always on his phone, how he interacts with the other person in the house, whether he's sitting in a chair the whole time or what/when he drinks.

Similarly, there's a retired couple in a house with a garden that backs on to ours. When I'm working in my home office space upstairs, I can see them whenever they're out on their decking - which, if the weather is dry and the temperature's even a tiny bit warm, they pretty much always are; they must just love being outdoors. So I notice them there and I know they have two little dogs. But I certainly couldn't tell you what they're actually doing all day, or whether they drink alcohol, or whether they play with the dogs, or whether they chat to each other, or any of those things.

Glancing up and thinking 'Oh, there's the woman over the road in her front room with the toddler' is normal. Watching them for hours to see whether they interact and if the mother is using her phone? Nope, that's not normal. It's intrusive and weird.

Hopefully little one will be starting nursery soon - I think they get some free hours.
I remember taking my kids to the park and seeing the mums all just sat there on their phones. It's sad.

"I am retired now"

You don't say.

I think thats a bit harsh. I know my neighbour has a 6 foot telly and it’s on all day as whenever i glance up from my desk, i see right in. Thats not spying it’s just noticing.

Oh that’s so sad! It must be hard to see that going on next door.

The drinking heavily while looking after a toddler is actually an issue worth reporting, I think.

The rest is depressing but not going to lead to any support. Just continuing inter-generational misery.

He is fed, housed, has someone watching over him, access to toys, and is put to bed at a reasonable time…you on the other hand have issues.

if you are watching enough to know she doesn’t interact with him you are watching too much. If you aren’t watching all of the time you can’t possibly know what is happening.

I don’t know who you think you are, but you need to get a grip and stop judging other people, it is rude and disrespectful.

It's shit parenting but nowhere near meeting benchmarks for neglect I'm afraid.

I get where you’re coming from in that I don’t think we should never intervene.

But baby P was filthy, malnourished, covered in visible injuries and living in a cess pit with drug users and a literal snake slithering around. It doesn’t really sound the same.

OP - i’m with you it’s very sad. But social services are stretched and won’t do anything unless the child is in danger of death.

The mum sounds depressed. When I had PND i didn’t want to interact with kids either. You could try and knock on her door and make friends. You could write to the father anonymously. When i was depressed some neighbours gently talked to me and actually I wasn’t offended, I’d thought no one cared that I was so miserable.

It doesn't sound ideal but unless you are monitoring her 24/7 then you don't know that she doesn't interact with him or do anything.

I think your concern is legitimate and I understand why you're worried for the little boy. If he were old enough to be in nursery or school I would talk with them

I think it's clear you don't think he's in danger. The mum might be unsupported, depressed, maybe she didn't have a positive childhood with all the lovely normal experiences you facilitated as a childminder.

The fear with Social Services or Children's Services or whatever is always that some middle class people with clipboards are going to come and take your child/baby away and make judgements about your life.

In our school, as in many others in the UK, we use a reporting system called My Concern, this is really useful for building a picture around a child and seeing the patterns and ways in which they can best be supported, or where something might be a one off or actually lots of little things add up. I don't really know what's in place for pre-school babies and toddlers.

I lived in Flying Start areas when my children were new and little so I had free access to lots of parenting courses, baby play, talk and sing, baby massage, all sorts. And I know it wasn't aimed at me because I already saw value in nursery rhymes and reading to my babies and chatting to them with full words and sentences and getting down on the floor to fully engage with them. Because that was my norm and that's what I saw from family members and other mums around me and was what I remember as an older sibling of many. Some cultures and communities don't do it so much. Some parents who've not seen it modelled won't do it naturally. Some people don't do loads of research about parenting and some do.

My hope would be that this mum does make the change and engage as she'd get so much more out of the relationship too. Mainly though, the little boy will have a better time of it with speech and language development, social skills and emotional wellbeing.

Is there a way to chat with her and maybe invite them both over to spend a little bit of time at yours or at the park or in your garden? A chance to connect with the mum but also to model (in a very gentle and natural way) talking and playing with the boy, singing nursery rhymes, word games etc. Doesn't have to be anything big or fancy, something like "I spotted these bubble wands on offer at the shop and thought he'd enjoy it" and blow them in the garden while he chases them and talking about bubbles "ooo that's a big bubble, can you make it pop?" "yay, POP!"

I see the comments from people saying mind your own business but I genuinely think your concern has come from a place of care. Of course as mums we all have down time, we have the moments of scrolling or drinking, but it sounds like this family aren't also getting the fun interactive stuff and that's sad. Also, you've come here for advice, you've not chatted in the supermarket tutting about this mum, I believe that you want to help the mum to make a change.

We have so many 3 year olds come to nursery with lower levels of speech and language development (and toileting and so on) than children the same age in the same deprived area a decade ago. What you've described in this household in a huge part of that. She's probably caring well for him in every other way - clean clothes and bedding, good food, tooth brushing etc but that lack of play and communication really does matter.

I think it's a two pronged thing: 1. you building a relationship with the neighbour so there's someone she can trust and that can model positive communication, play and cheap days out (park, beach, museum) with the boy and 2. give the NSPCC a call for some specific advice around who you could talk to.

This advice from Action for Children could be helpful and suggests giving the NSPCC a call: Get help if you're worried about someone else’s child

She sounds depressed

I'd be bloody depressed if a random old woman was gawping at me all day and monitoring my every move through my windows.

The OP doesn't even know this family, and neither do you.

She doesn't know the child's age - she's just guessing. The child might not be anywhere near two yet. And her only interaction was when she said 'hello' to the child in a shop and the mother said 'He doesn't say anything yet'. That doesn't mean the child isn't trying to speak. Neither does it mean that the mother isn't aware that intervention might be needed - or that intervention isn't already happening.

The OP's sole experience of this family is one brief interaction in a shop and - for some reason - staring through their bloody window non-stop like a weirdo.

Stop being a stalker ! Your the one that needs reporting !!

I think it’s a bit of a worry that the OP sits watching for the length of time it takes to drink a bottle of wine. That’s quite the amount of time to be looking through the window at someone.

She may be lonely and struggling. Would you be interested in introducing yourself and getting to know her? She might appreciate the contact.

"The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle"

Does nobody else think this is a bit of a worry?

Good grief OP, unless you have a surveillance camera on her all day, every day, you cannot possibly know if the reality of this little boy's life is remotely like the one you have conjured up in your own head.

I am normally someone who usually thinks better to be safe than sorry when it comes to babies and children, but in this case unless you have seen her abuse the child in some way, what on earth would you say to SS?

Perhaps try and get to know them and see if this reassures you...

What a dramatic and hyperbolic comparison. A mum letting her baby play independently and using sleep training is in no way comparable to the horrific case of baby P. This sort of desperate need to criticise women’s parenting and fabricate abuse when there is none “just in case” is creating situations where social workers are so busy following up on these sort of non-reports that they do not have the time to deal with the genuine problems. Social workers are swamped and don’t need bored retirees wasting their time with “Cheryl’s not a perfect mum like I was, so, she might be… AN ABUSER!!!!”