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AIBU?

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Would you report neighbour?

138 replies

racetothebar · 09/06/2026 14:05

I am retired now so I am home all day but it’s been a while since I have had any children around but I used to be a childminder and found it exhausting, we went for walks in the woods, to the park, to the shops, we did messy play, painting, crafting, play doe and sand, read books and sang songs and I remember it being quite full on though this was 20 years ago.
My neighbour is at home all day with her little one who I’d say is almost 2 if not already.
She has no nets so unintentionally I can see into her living room from my bedroom which I sit in a lot as it’s sunny and I like to read by the window.
I notice she sits on the sofa looking at her phone almost all day and the little one just plays by himself, he has the telly on and she doesn’t play with him, doesn’t talk to him or look at him and he spends all day playing on the floor by himself.
Occasionally she will sit in the garden when the weather is nice with a full bottle of wine and put a few toys on the lawn while she sits on the lounger chair music in ears on staring at her phone.
The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle and then they’ll go in.
I hear the little one crying from about 6:30-7 so presumably she has put him to bed and he’s crying himself to sleep.

I don’t know them so haven’t spoken to them previously but I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet.
I feel so sad that he spends all day watching tv and playing on the floor on his own while his mum ignores him on the sofa head in phone, I’ve no idea what she does but it’s constant.
No wonder he can’t talk if he’s never interacted with.

I have never seen anyone go to the house, she’s a very socially awkward and keeps herself to herself.
She has a husband but he leaves early and comes home late so it’s just the two of them all day.

Would you report for neglect?

OP posts:
Fizzybluewater · 09/06/2026 16:15

Omega3fishoil · 09/06/2026 15:52

You lost me at “she has no nets’

stop looking and if you’re that concerned speak to her. Stop judging, it’s ugly

'Stop judging' this is MN fgs, a lot of posters are judgy on aibu.🙄

Kay00 · 09/06/2026 16:15

I think there are a lot of unhelpful comments on here. Whilst I partially agree that it's probably not your business, I also do feel very sad for that child and sad for the mother who doesn't look like she's coping very well.

If she genuinely doesn't have her own friends or family to call upon and she may be really lonely and you're in a fairly unique position to do something about that being her neighbour.

Rather than reporting her, why don't you do something? Why don't you call around? ask her around for a cup of tea? She may be really glad to have someone to speak to.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 09/06/2026 16:12

I don’t for one second believe you know exactly how much wine she is drinking! You sound like a weird stalker!

FallingInLove · 09/06/2026 16:10

BauhausOfEliott · 09/06/2026 15:48

But the OP doesn't actually know how old the child is, or whether the mother has already looked into getting help for his speech, or anything else. She said hello to the child and the mother said he doesn't speak yet. That's literally all the OP knows. That's not a reason to assume neglect FFS!

I’m not saying it is. I was just telling the pp that their questions were answered in the OP.

Itiswhysofew · 09/06/2026 16:09

Unforgettablefire · 09/06/2026 15:53

Bloody hell. you need help op what you’re doing isn’t normal.
How do you know she’s socially awkward? Maybe she is with you if she knows you’re sitting obsessively spying in her windows and garden all day every day!
I know a child with autism who does just what you describe all day how do you know this isn’t the case here?

There’s nothing worse than busy bodies and nosy people poor woman is just minding her own business leave her alone ffs.

How often do we hear people say they wish they'd done something to help a child.

OP sees the activity in a home with a child whose mother, I assume, isn't interacting with, and is drinking. OP had a human reaction and I don't think she's being unreasonable to consider bringing it to someone's attention.

I'd be concerned as well, OP.

Larrythecatforpm · 09/06/2026 16:06

While it’s sad, it’s even more creepy that you sit at your bedroom window watching them constantly. ConfusedConfused

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 09/06/2026 16:05

moderateme · 09/06/2026 15:55

"I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet."

From the OP.

That could have been 6 months ago? She knows nothing about them

Boomer55 · 09/06/2026 16:03

ChurchYardFromMyWindow · 09/06/2026 14:29

"The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle"

Does nobody else think this is a bit of a worry?

Yes. OP could just refer them to an agency, such as the NSPCC and let them investigate. Then stay out of it.

Iexpecttobetired · 09/06/2026 16:00

So you want to contact Social Services or the police to tell them that you spend your retirement stalking your neighbours. If the call handler has any sense they would pass this onto adult social care or request a welfare check for you.

moderateme · 09/06/2026 15:57

Poor kid. I would worry about him too.

I am not sure what the solution is, I don't imagine it meets the threshold for intervention. Hopefully if he goes to nursery in the future the family might get some support.

emuloc · 09/06/2026 15:56

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 09/06/2026 14:30

She may be lonely and struggling. Would you be interested in introducing yourself and getting to know her? She might appreciate the contact.

This. It could be good for all of you, OP.

moderateme · 09/06/2026 15:55

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 09/06/2026 15:21

But HOW does she know he cant speak if she can only see in their front room window?? She has never spoken to the women either so how does she know she drinks, and the kid cant speak. She has no idea about their lives other than what she see’s when she is snooping through her bedroom window

"I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet."

From the OP.

Unforgettablefire · 09/06/2026 15:53

Bloody hell. you need help op what you’re doing isn’t normal.
How do you know she’s socially awkward? Maybe she is with you if she knows you’re sitting obsessively spying in her windows and garden all day every day!
I know a child with autism who does just what you describe all day how do you know this isn’t the case here?

There’s nothing worse than busy bodies and nosy people poor woman is just minding her own business leave her alone ffs.

Omega3fishoil · 09/06/2026 15:52

You lost me at “she has no nets’

stop looking and if you’re that concerned speak to her. Stop judging, it’s ugly

ThejoyofNC · 09/06/2026 15:51

Not sure what you bring a childminder 20 years ago has got to do with anything. Anyway, stop being so nosey.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/06/2026 15:48

FallingInLove · 09/06/2026 15:36

If you read the OP, it’s tells you.

But the OP doesn't actually know how old the child is, or whether the mother has already looked into getting help for his speech, or anything else. She said hello to the child and the mother said he doesn't speak yet. That's literally all the OP knows. That's not a reason to assume neglect FFS!

Harriet36 · 09/06/2026 15:43

Malasana · 09/06/2026 14:32

I think it’s a bit of a worry that the OP sits watching for the length of time it takes to drink a bottle of wine. That’s quite the amount of time to be looking through the window at someone.

Also, is it a bottle of wine? Or a bottle of posh fruit juice? She must have binoculars trained on this poor woman to be absolutely sure she's drinking an entire bottle of wine all by herself. Also I'd like to know how the OP can see the woman and the child inside the house and also in the back garden at all times.
Either way, it's intrusive and I feel embarrassed for her. The OP, not the neighbour.

FallingInLove · 09/06/2026 15:36

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 09/06/2026 15:21

But HOW does she know he cant speak if she can only see in their front room window?? She has never spoken to the women either so how does she know she drinks, and the kid cant speak. She has no idea about their lives other than what she see’s when she is snooping through her bedroom window

If you read the OP, it’s tells you.

Harriet36 · 09/06/2026 15:33

ChurchYardFromMyWindow · 09/06/2026 14:29

"The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle"

Does nobody else think this is a bit of a worry?

If it's actually true, then yes. But I'm not sure it is.

FallingInLove · 09/06/2026 15:32

You can’t surely be watching them all day to know she never interacts with the child?

Even if all of this is true and she is a crap parent, I don’t think anything would be done. There are lots of rubbish parents around who don’t do much with their children and they are left to it. The mother could possibly benefit from help with parenting, but I doubt she’d engage from what you have said. It’s one reason why we are seeing more kids, without any additional needs, start school without being toilet trained and unable to carry out basic tasks. Many would be capable if time and effort was put in.

It’s tricky, because when it comes on the news that a child has been abused, neglected, killed by parents, everyone says why didn’t anyone do anything, but then you spot a potential red flag and people tell you to mind your own business.

I probably would keep out though because tbh, I’ve learnt to only care about my own family and close friends. I’m not responsible for others.

SillySeal · 09/06/2026 15:31

racetothebar · 09/06/2026 14:05

I am retired now so I am home all day but it’s been a while since I have had any children around but I used to be a childminder and found it exhausting, we went for walks in the woods, to the park, to the shops, we did messy play, painting, crafting, play doe and sand, read books and sang songs and I remember it being quite full on though this was 20 years ago.
My neighbour is at home all day with her little one who I’d say is almost 2 if not already.
She has no nets so unintentionally I can see into her living room from my bedroom which I sit in a lot as it’s sunny and I like to read by the window.
I notice she sits on the sofa looking at her phone almost all day and the little one just plays by himself, he has the telly on and she doesn’t play with him, doesn’t talk to him or look at him and he spends all day playing on the floor by himself.
Occasionally she will sit in the garden when the weather is nice with a full bottle of wine and put a few toys on the lawn while she sits on the lounger chair music in ears on staring at her phone.
The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle and then they’ll go in.
I hear the little one crying from about 6:30-7 so presumably she has put him to bed and he’s crying himself to sleep.

I don’t know them so haven’t spoken to them previously but I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet.
I feel so sad that he spends all day watching tv and playing on the floor on his own while his mum ignores him on the sofa head in phone, I’ve no idea what she does but it’s constant.
No wonder he can’t talk if he’s never interacted with.

I have never seen anyone go to the house, she’s a very socially awkward and keeps herself to herself.
She has a husband but he leaves early and comes home late so it’s just the two of them all day.

Would you report for neglect?

As someone who works in that field, that would no where meet the threshold for neglect.

Surely you are not sat there watching every minute of the day for several hours straight? You might be seeing snippets of their day. Maybe she is playing with the child in between being on her phone. Maybe shes working, I do quite a bit on my phone as its easier than getting my laptop out for some tasks.

You dont know the full picture and whilst I get you are concerned, as it is far from the threshold of neglect I would spend your time doing something else rather than watching your neighbour. Or maybe knock on and see if shes OK? She maybe depressed or she may just not have any friends to go out with. There are so many reasons it could be.
Unless the child looks like they are not fed and are filthy and/ or the living conditions look dire? Then I would report.

lazyarse123 · 09/06/2026 15:31

When did we start calling care and worry nosiness? There might be something wrong there might not. But imagine not caring and something happened to that child while his mum had her face in her phone, which we all know is a major problem these days, the outcry would be "why didn't the neighbours do anything". Probably health visitors is a way to start if you know them in your area. Concern is a good thing.

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 09/06/2026 15:21

BigOldBlobsy · 09/06/2026 15:16

Sorry but what your child did or didn’t do is not of relevance. The main concern is not that he’s not yet able to speak, presumably if there’s a delay that will be picked up hopefully by HVs or nursery staff if he goes. The concern is mum sitting ignoring all day (if that really is true though OP, as I wonder actually how much of the day do you see?) and drinking full bottles of wine? (Again, how often and within what time frame?)

As a social worker, this would have been early help more than any clear safeguarding concern. But if everything is true in this, then perhaps there is a cause for support

Saying ‘mind your own business’, - sorry, but safeguarding is EVERYONES business. As long as this isn’t a malicious concern and has some basis! people are quick to judge services but don’t want to share pieces of the puzzle.

But HOW does she know he cant speak if she can only see in their front room window?? She has never spoken to the women either so how does she know she drinks, and the kid cant speak. She has no idea about their lives other than what she see’s when she is snooping through her bedroom window

Fizzybluewater · 09/06/2026 15:20

I would speak to her on a casual basis and be friendly rather than keep watching her. Make friends if possible with her.

Campbellcarrotsoup · 09/06/2026 15:18

There's an interesting disconnect between how many threads acknowledge that many children aren't getting a good start in life and the rather extreme reactions to you noticing your neighbours. I'd have noticed - just because they are my neighbours. Other people are so self absorbed they don't notice the lives of others. Part of being in a community is caring about the lives of others though it's harder now to know what to do

Yes what you're seeing wouldn't result in a child being removed but it does sound like mum and baby need some early help. Better now then when they are struggling in school. I would ring nspcc and follow their advice.