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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you report neighbour?

138 replies

racetothebar · 09/06/2026 14:05

I am retired now so I am home all day but it’s been a while since I have had any children around but I used to be a childminder and found it exhausting, we went for walks in the woods, to the park, to the shops, we did messy play, painting, crafting, play doe and sand, read books and sang songs and I remember it being quite full on though this was 20 years ago.
My neighbour is at home all day with her little one who I’d say is almost 2 if not already.
She has no nets so unintentionally I can see into her living room from my bedroom which I sit in a lot as it’s sunny and I like to read by the window.
I notice she sits on the sofa looking at her phone almost all day and the little one just plays by himself, he has the telly on and she doesn’t play with him, doesn’t talk to him or look at him and he spends all day playing on the floor by himself.
Occasionally she will sit in the garden when the weather is nice with a full bottle of wine and put a few toys on the lawn while she sits on the lounger chair music in ears on staring at her phone.
The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle and then they’ll go in.
I hear the little one crying from about 6:30-7 so presumably she has put him to bed and he’s crying himself to sleep.

I don’t know them so haven’t spoken to them previously but I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet.
I feel so sad that he spends all day watching tv and playing on the floor on his own while his mum ignores him on the sofa head in phone, I’ve no idea what she does but it’s constant.
No wonder he can’t talk if he’s never interacted with.

I have never seen anyone go to the house, she’s a very socially awkward and keeps herself to herself.
She has a husband but he leaves early and comes home late so it’s just the two of them all day.

Would you report for neglect?

OP posts:
Harriet36 · 10/06/2026 06:14

Anarchy99 · 09/06/2026 22:28

I would think it’s more of a red flag that someone spends their time looking through the window into someone’s house.

Has anyone seen the Alan Bennett Talking Heads ‘Ladies of Letters’?

Oh my goodness, I can see where you’re coming from!!

Anarchy99 · 09/06/2026 22:28

MadameEtourdie · 09/06/2026 20:05

I should ignore all the unkind replies that you have received. Perhaps your post has touched a nerve with some of them.

I think if the child appears well fed and dressed appropriately and you haven’t witnessed any abuse of any sort then there is nothing you can do.

Just hope the child will go to nursery soon and will thrive there.

I think you have a genuine concern for the child but perhaps it would be better for your own equilibrium to focus less on this little family. Sometimes we just have to accept that things are beyond our sphere of influence. I do acknowledge that your valid concerns come from a kind heart.

I would think it’s more of a red flag that someone spends their time looking through the window into someone’s house.

Has anyone seen the Alan Bennett Talking Heads ‘Ladies of Letters’?

CinnamonBuns67 · 09/06/2026 20:36

Unless you are watching her all day everyday (creepy) then you are actually only seeing very small snippets of their day/homelife and are in no position to judge. Social services have much more serious cases to deal with, don't waste their time.

MadameEtourdie · 09/06/2026 20:05

I should ignore all the unkind replies that you have received. Perhaps your post has touched a nerve with some of them.

I think if the child appears well fed and dressed appropriately and you haven’t witnessed any abuse of any sort then there is nothing you can do.

Just hope the child will go to nursery soon and will thrive there.

I think you have a genuine concern for the child but perhaps it would be better for your own equilibrium to focus less on this little family. Sometimes we just have to accept that things are beyond our sphere of influence. I do acknowledge that your valid concerns come from a kind heart.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/06/2026 19:59

Would you not try to befriend her? It might be nice to have a little visitor occasionally. It sounds like she is lonely and depressed, it’s hard to feel
motivated when your broke and don’t have a close relationship with anyone.

SecretSquirrelLoo · 09/06/2026 19:51

BauhausOfEliott · 09/06/2026 15:06

Are you going to phone social services about all the mums who go out for lunch and a couple of Aperol spritzes together with their kids in pushchairs as well, then? Because there are millions of them, and you're going to be very busy on the phone.

A parent sitting at home by themselves and drinking an entire bottle of wine while ignoring a toddler is a very different scenario from yours.

JLou08 · 09/06/2026 19:45

If you really know what she is doing all day every day, you are the main problem here. You're either lying/exaggerating or obsessed with the family.

Owl55 · 09/06/2026 19:16

Maybe you could befriend them and take the toddler to the park or ask her in for coffee and play with the little boy , maybe she just doesn’t know what to do with a toddler?

Pistachiocake · 09/06/2026 19:10

She might be on her phone criticising any parent who occasionally shouts "No" at their child, or moaning about the teacher who expected parents to care about their child's behaviour.
Poor kid.
While my grandparents (in both countries) would have brought their children up in ways people would criticise today, I think they were all brought up better than this child.
And OP, I'm sorry people are being so rude to you for caring about this child. It's worrying that people don't think there's a problem.

LadyLooo · 09/06/2026 18:32

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BeigeandGreige · 09/06/2026 18:28

BauhausOfEliott · 09/06/2026 14:11

Assuming the child is clean, healthy, fed, dressed and has toys and entertainment, there's no neglect here and to be honest, you really need to stop staring into your neighbours' windows. You have no idea what their circumstances are. You don't know them. It's not a crime to have a glass of wine while your child plays. It's not a crime to watch TV. It's not a crime to parent children in a way that's different from the way you might do it.

No neglect?

I beg to differ.

TheyGrewUp · 09/06/2026 18:16

In the first instance, have you thought about extending the hand of friendship and inviting them round for a coffee.

How do you know what you assume to be a whole bottle of wine isn't cordial or 0%.

Based on what you have assumed, if that's the worst of it, do you really think the family needs an SS report on their record.

If I knew where you lived I'd bung the lass enough to order some blinds. Does she know about the spying?

Unforgettablefire · 09/06/2026 18:13

Itiswhysofew · 09/06/2026 16:09

How often do we hear people say they wish they'd done something to help a child.

OP sees the activity in a home with a child whose mother, I assume, isn't interacting with, and is drinking. OP had a human reaction and I don't think she's being unreasonable to consider bringing it to someone's attention.

I'd be concerned as well, OP.

Well what is there to report? The fact that the mother drinks wine “occasionally” or that the child plays alone while the mother is on her phone?
Seriously? If she was staggering around blind drunk fair enough, if the kid was running the streets on his own fair enough but what’s you’ve got here is probably what a lot of families in the world live like now.
What if the child was sitting in front of a tv screen or tablet watching cartoons or playing games?
A lot of kids enjoy just sitting playing with their toys, or sitting watching a screen it’s hardly something to report or do something about.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 09/06/2026 18:12

Unless you are spending 8 hours a day watching you are seeing a snapshot of her day. Yiu need to find a hobby

Firesidechatter · 09/06/2026 18:09

Stunned at some of the answers, on a parenting forum too. Where people take more issue with the fact the op looks in her windows than they do her downing a bottle of wine and the boy repeatedly being seen to have no interaction.

you couldn’t make it up.

ChurchYardFromMyWindow · 09/06/2026 18:07

Malasana · 09/06/2026 14:32

I think it’s a bit of a worry that the OP sits watching for the length of time it takes to drink a bottle of wine. That’s quite the amount of time to be looking through the window at someone.

The OP isn't at any risk of coming to harm from sitting in her window seat.
A little boy potentially in the sole care of someone who has drunk a bottle of wine during the day might be.

ChurchYardFromMyWindow · 09/06/2026 18:04

Harriet36 · 09/06/2026 15:33

If it's actually true, then yes. But I'm not sure it is.

Well we don't know if anything is true on MN so we can only imagine that it is otherwise the whole thing is pointless.

TheBlueKoala · 09/06/2026 17:43

Wow, the bar is low for minimum parenting on MN!
@racetothebar Call SS and tell them. The mum is probably depressed and needs help to fulfil her parental obligations. What some people call lazy parenting is neglect and the child would be better off at nursery.

bonkersbongo · 09/06/2026 17:37

Hi op. I doubt ss would do anything, but I totally get where you’re coming from. I have a family member who just sits in all day and their two year old just gets given screens to occupy themselves. Nearing three now but has limited speech. Probably because they get little to no interaction. This child doesn’t get to go to parks, swimming, library or any of the normal things that family member did as a child.they have a garden but it’s a mess so not used. The curtains are closed all day and this poor child is living an awful life within a virtual prison. They leave the house once a week for shopping and that’s it. We tried to help but they won’t accept and she was reported to ss by her neighbour but they just checked child was fed etc and left. It’s so worrying

Megifer · 09/06/2026 17:31

Why do people use the phrase "double standards" when they have no idea what it means 😩

Anarchy99 · 09/06/2026 17:21

Perhaps you should put up nets. You say you read in there but if you did, how would you have the time and attention span to stare at them all day?

Maddy70 · 09/06/2026 17:19

No. She's isn't being abused.

Fizzybluewater · 09/06/2026 17:08

annjo5 · 09/06/2026 16:52

Typical MN. Parents who drink around their kids, give their kids screens, never take their kids out etc etc etc are constantly vilified on here. But the second an op raises a concern about all of these things she is sad, weird, nosy, needs a hobby, is a peeping Tom.

Not much point in reporting as although it’s shitty parenting it provably doesn’t meet grounds for neglect. But why on earth people insist on sticking the boot into the op when she’s genuinely concerned about a very young child I don’t know.

There is a lot of double standard parenting on MN. These posters who find it fun bitching and slagging off others for being concerned about a young kid.
What if this was a woman who appeared to be abused by her partner and they were hearing her crying or screaming? Don't be nosy, stay out of it and stop watching. Don't report or try to help just ignore it. She ends up badly injured or murdered and every other woman on MN would be up in arms, why didn't anyone help / say something?
Everyone is brave behind a keyboard just are probably wet and spineless irl.

Harriet36 · 09/06/2026 17:04

If this mum is struggling with parenthood, and possibly loneliness as well, I hope the OP can offer her the hand of friendship, without letting her know that she has been watching her. Maybe call round with a toy for the child, and suggest an outing to the park?

Iexpecttobetired · 09/06/2026 17:04

Netcurtainnelly · 09/06/2026 16:56

Exactly. Perhaps because they do the same
If anything happens to him, people would say why didn't you report. You can't win.

It is not how I would parent but it does not meet the threshold for intervention. In most parts of the world and here until recently, leaving a child to play is normal.

OP describes knowing what goes on in both her neighbours living room and garden, she feels she confidently knows what her neighbour is doing most of the time and can see into the house so clearly that she knows what her neighbour is drinking so is likely using something like binoculars or cameras to get a clearer view. This reaches the threshold for harrassment.