Would you report neighbour?

Totally missing the point but what's the layout of the houses that you can see into her front room and see her into her garden well enough to determine what she's drinking and whether she listening to music?

How do you know what she does in the garden?

How do you ever get to finish reading a book?

If you were my mother, I'd be seriously concerned about your behaviour.

OP hasn't had the time to come back and reply to pages of answers, maybe ehe cant tear herself away from spying on her neighbour.

IF this is genuine, why not go round, introduce yourself, and try to help the mum and the little boy you are so concerned about.
Reporting her to SS would be the last thing on my mind.

@Anarchy99 , to be very clear I do think some people are genuinely neurodivergent and I have no problem at all with any help they get but what was described by the OP was a type of parenting which I see so much of and actually I see adults out and just ignoring each other as they scroll on their phones. Last year my husband and I holidayed in Africa (we’re retired now and trying to see the world). We stayed in a hotel overlooking Victoria Falls, the views were magnificent from the dining balcony from where you could also see the zebra, giraffes, antelopes etc which wandered freely in the hotel grounds; on occasion there were African performers there too. It was absolutely stunning and magical, the sunsets were breathtaking. There was a young couple who dined each night at about the same time as us and they didn’t ever speak to each other but just scrolled on their phones, it was incredibly sad to witness. We also enjoy IKOS holidays where we see many families sitting at dinner and the children are on their iPads while their parents ignore them. The evidence against children in particular’s use of screens is overwhelming and its connection to behaviour consistent with neurodivergence well documented. I think the diagnosis these children may receive is erroneous as opposed to false and it leads to benefits which the country is struggling to afford but the real tragedy is that it labels these children who potentially see themselves as disabled and then may go on to a lifetime of benefit dependency.
On another point, I think life is terribly stressful these days and parents under a lot of pressure which has not helped this situation.
Given that we have differing views I have appreciated the tone of your responses which at least have allowed me to try and explain where I’m coming from. Thanks.

You seem to spend more time watching them then you do reading your book . So clearly you are in just as much as her . How do you know she isn’t working on her phone .

She sounds hopeless, but not at the level SS would get involved. Plenty of useless parents around.

This, OP I think you need a hobby!

If there is a concern then social services surely? Or NSPCC?

The HV isn’t going to do anything at a stranger’s say so, surely? She may already be engaging with services (although the OP seems fairly sure of her movements 24/7 so who knows)

So you are talking about false diagnosis? Or is it benefits? Or what? Like I was diagnosed in middle age and have been economically active since I was 17 years old without a break.

I think the mother sounds a bit useless but imagine how she will feel knowing some nosey woman over the road has been observing them daily.

I would raise a concern with your local health visiting service, just a polite email into the service and if they are able to find the child with the information you give them they could always see if there is any previous concerns and possibly flag child's 2yr development review to be completed earlier in the timeframe and that way give mother an opportunity to unload if she wishes re mental health, remind about local children centres and groups who knows she may just need someone to talk too.

It is very clear the first 5 years of a child development are crucial so fingers crossed things improve for the little one

@Anarchy99 , the OP seems concerned so befriending the mother was a suggestion of a way she might help. I actually believe there are genuinely neurodivergent individuals however there are also a lot of children who aren’t adequately parented, I see it all the time and it’s so sad, everyone glued to a screen and no conversation even around a dinner table. The result turns up in doctor’s offices and in fact there has been a very recent survey of GP’s highlighting the massive over diagnosis of neurodivergence when the real problem is poor parenting. It’s a golden ticket to benefits though.
The GP I know very well confirms this alongside how recently everyone’s bad backs have miraculously improved however all these people are now suffering with mental health issues. The internet is awash with people advising exactly what to say in order to obtain PIP. The nation will run out of people to pay for all this tawdry scrounging eventually as those that are honest and decent start to wonder why they bother.

Wow; where to start.

It isn’t up to the OP to befriend this person. I do think that she should stop curtain twitching.

As for ND, please educate yourself. People are born with it and even if they weren’t, why do people like you always think that all ND people claim benefits. My mother was very involved in parenting me yet when I was 50 I was diagnosed with AUDHD

Chances are that the benefits ship has sailed as presumably the mother doesn’t work.

I really do hope that you report her and have to admit that you've been stalking her so thr police can charge you for stalking @racetothebar

Idiot parent but nothing for social to worry about especially if the child looks well fed and dressed. Hopefully when the child goes to nursery he/she will have more interactions with others

I know what it means what's why I used it. Do you know the meaning of it?

I would 100% report for neglect.
poor child crying every night. And being ignored while mum is pissed. Drinking a bottle of wine while looking after your child is not ok. Shocking how many on here think this is acceptable.

you don’t need the internet to tell you it’s the right thing to do. If you get a bad feeling about the whole situation, trust your intuition, I would phone social services and anonymously report neglect concerns.

I can't think of the term off the top of my head but it is understood in child protection in this country that as part of living in a democracy we have to accept that sometimes things we deem 'bad parenting' are good enough.

Noone is saying it is ideal but it is not neglect either. In the same way a partner having an affair isn't the best behaviour but you wouldn't report it to the police. And obviously we are relying on the fact that OP claims she stalks her neighbour all day everyday to come to this conclusion. Other than at bedtime OP hasn't mentioned an unhappy child, upset or shouting. Not to mention posters should not be encouraging OP to continue harassing this woman as this is illegal and OP could end up in alot of trouble and may well be in need to intervention herself.

This is utterly shit parenting. I absolutely HATE how many parents are glued to their phones these days.

Sadly, we can see from the responses here, that many people think this is fine. Fuck me.

@racetothebar , you’re getting a lot of stick here unjustifiably in my opinion. Mumsnet is awash with women who are very sticky about women being criticised. Modern parenting is often very neglectful in my observation, children and parents glued to screens; it’s very sad. You need to remember that the type of parenting you have witnessed is probably common among those who are berating you…
You are being an absolute busy body considering reporting the poor woman who clearly lacks good parenting skills. Could you consider befriending her? Ask them over, play with her child and chat to her? Maybe if she sees there is another way of parenting things for this child will change, if that doesn’t happen I fear there will be another child labelled as being neurodivergent and further benefit claims ensuing.

No - if I did glance over I wouldn’t actually notice, I wouldn’t think anything of it. But then I’m not invested enough in my neighbours and their lives to be bothered.

The OP probably wasn’t watching intently at first, but surely after a while, of glancing over and the same scene is there with no activity, you’d naturally start taking a bit more notice purely out of concern for the child. It doesn’t make her a weird stalker as pp say!

This. Dear gods.

I’ve been that new mum struggling with PND not coping with parenthood, drinking to blot out the crying and not playing with my baby . I had a lovely neighbour who was retired and kept an eye out for me - if my curtains were not open until late in the day she knew I was struggling and would knock for a cup of tea and chat - offered to take him for a walk while I slept / showered . It helped and we are good friends 15 years later.

I think community is under-rated these days

Definitely. You need better books - the ones you're claiming to read by the window can't be all that interesting.