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AIBU?

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Original poster

Examples of rich people being stingy!

84 replies

50sandFabulous · 09/06/2026 12:55

MIL worth Millions. Huge house, several cars, hundreds of thousands in cash ISA's and Bonds. Owns at least 8 properties that she rents out, so monthly income from that must be at least £7k a month, plus a few pensions, so probably income of £10k per month. No mortgage. Will she treat her son and me for a meal? Fuck no. We either pay or it's split 50/50. I just don't get it. When we eat out with our adult kids we always pay, as even though they work, we know they don't have as much as we do. Anyone else got in-laws or friends like this?

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 09/06/2026 14:37

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 09/06/2026 13:34

This is extremely rude and crass of her.

Show quote history

I know right! The normal working class couple I also worked for let me help myself to their Nespresso coffee and cakes

Bikenutz · 09/06/2026 14:03

Call her out.

‘Isn’t it your turn to treat us MIL?’

OllysArmyRidesAgain · 09/06/2026 13:59

Baby boomer MIL grew up working class, but was an only child (so inherited a low-value house) and had a good job with a final salary pension. FIL paid the bills in the main, so she had plenty of disposable income before and after retirement. I can't remember her ever offering to pay when we were out for a meal or coffee. She would pay her share of the bill if it was suggested, but that was it.

She would also expect payment if she picked something up for you from the shops, such as milk, even if the only reason it was needed was for her endless tea.

Fedupmumofadultsons · 09/06/2026 13:58

chirrupybird · 09/06/2026 13:25

Perhaps they don't want to insult you by insisting on paying. Or flaunt their wealth by insisting on paying. Unless it was specifically their treat for something I would expect (and insist on) paying half. If they wanted to add a bottle of champagne I wouldn't complain though.

What so you believe a parent being stingy to there child is ok .no sorry that's a shit attitude my children are mine no matter there age and they can have what I can give them no matter there age .

Original poster
50sandFabulous · 09/06/2026 13:49

dreamreal · 09/06/2026 13:42

Nobody can say what's going on with this woman OP. She may be very isolated or have dementia. Anything really.

We are the 'wealthy ones' on my family and nobody EVER offers to pay for even a coffee, let alone dinner. They just all sit there like stuffed dates, expecting the bill to be paid by us. EVERY SINGLE TIME. None of them are exactly poor either. Where is the self respect? They are so entitled and well, just strange, frankly. They all act like children.

Wow, that's awful. We ALWAYS pay our way. We treat the generation below us, and have to go 50/50 with the generation above us. MIL doesn't even offer to treat the child who is poor.

OP posts:
coulditbeme2323 · 09/06/2026 13:48

over50andfab · 09/06/2026 13:02

So your expectation is that whether it's family members or friends whoever has the most money should pay? Or is it an in-law thing?

What an odd way to take that post.

StandFirm · 09/06/2026 13:46

Katemax82 · 09/06/2026 13:24

I worked as a cleaner for someone on Kent's rich list. She made her husband and herself nice filter coffee and I got instant

How petty!! The way some people treat staff is just shocking.

dreamreal · 09/06/2026 13:42

Nobody can say what's going on with this woman OP. She may be very isolated or have dementia. Anything really.

We are the 'wealthy ones' on my family and nobody EVER offers to pay for even a coffee, let alone dinner. They just all sit there like stuffed dates, expecting the bill to be paid by us. EVERY SINGLE TIME. None of them are exactly poor either. Where is the self respect? They are so entitled and well, just strange, frankly. They all act like children.

TFImBackIn · 09/06/2026 13:40

I think the worst types like this haven't made any money for themselves.

I wouldn't pay for a meal for her - I just wouldn't go out with her at all.

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 09/06/2026 13:37

Well, as they say, inheritance tax is an optional tax paid by those who hate their families more than they hate the Inland Revenue.

PartyQuestion30th · 09/06/2026 13:35

I don't know - I think it's a person thing, not a rich thing. It just differs in scale.

I know a couple of self made millionaires who have been incredibly generous - with their kids and step children and other people and charities.

Others who would split the bill down to the last penny....

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 09/06/2026 13:34

Katemax82 · 09/06/2026 13:24

I worked as a cleaner for someone on Kent's rich list. She made her husband and herself nice filter coffee and I got instant

This is extremely rude and crass of her.

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 09/06/2026 13:32

Well that's great. In her dotage she can pay for her own care /cleaner /gardener etc. No need for you /dh to be wiping her bum!!

ElvirRamcic · 09/06/2026 13:31

Most wealthy people I know are very careful with some types of spending.

I know one person who will literally drive round and round to find the cheapest parking to save a fiver.

However, when it comes to wine, he’ll happily spend a fortune.

One he views as money well spent. The other he views as not value for money.

Original poster
50sandFabulous · 09/06/2026 13:30

chirrupybird · 09/06/2026 13:25

Perhaps they don't want to insult you by insisting on paying. Or flaunt their wealth by insisting on paying. Unless it was specifically their treat for something I would expect (and insist on) paying half. If they wanted to add a bottle of champagne I wouldn't complain though.

I don't think it's that, because if DH says "We'll get this one, our treat", she says "Oh are you sure" and her card is back in her purse before she's finished the sentence. So she's happy to be treated, without feeling inferior.

For extra context, a lot of her wealth was gifted by her parents, not all self made. She just hasn't treated her own children the same. In fact one of her children is extremely poor, and has not been offered any help.

OP posts:
Cappuccino5 · 09/06/2026 13:29

I ran the second hand uniform shop at DD’s prep school. It was always the richest families who would have their kids in the most outworn/outgrown uniforms to save a few pennies. The same offenders would also ‘forget’ to pay for school dinners etc..

Sunnyyetnotsunny · 09/06/2026 13:28

There are rich people who grew up with little, amassed ridiculous money but are still not spending because their head just won't let them. At all.

chirrupybird · 09/06/2026 13:25

Perhaps they don't want to insult you by insisting on paying. Or flaunt their wealth by insisting on paying. Unless it was specifically their treat for something I would expect (and insist on) paying half. If they wanted to add a bottle of champagne I wouldn't complain though.

middleagedandinarage · 09/06/2026 13:25

Meh I'm a bit torn, agree in that I cannot imagine not paying for my children's meal if I was able to, no matter what age they are. However I also am a strong believer that people like your MIL are rich and have done well for themselves because they don't splash their cash around

Katemax82 · 09/06/2026 13:24

I worked as a cleaner for someone on Kent's rich list. She made her husband and herself nice filter coffee and I got instant

Heartbroken38 · 09/06/2026 13:20

Eugh....I'd absolutely judge her op for that. Disgusting behaviour

Original poster
50sandFabulous · 09/06/2026 13:20

BMW58 · 09/06/2026 13:17

Perhaps she doesn't want her son and DIL to expect £££££ but to make their own way in life.

We have made our own way in life. No hand outs EVER.

OP posts:
Original poster
50sandFabulous · 09/06/2026 13:20

Blauehortensie · 09/06/2026 13:17

BIL earns over 250K a year, no children of his own. Wouldn't sponsor our 6 year old son (his only nephew) for a fun run he is doing. Not even a fiver 😅 I'll know not to ask again!

Other family members with nowhere near as much money all kindly gave him something. It does often seem to be the way.

Wow, that's outrageous!

OP posts:
Original poster
50sandFabulous · 09/06/2026 13:19

over50andfab · 09/06/2026 13:02

So your expectation is that whether it's family members or friends whoever has the most money should pay? Or is it an in-law thing?

Not really. It just surprises me that she never says "I'll get this, my treat", as that's what we do with our adult kids. Of course we can pay our own way, and we do! It just bewilders me, given the amount of wealth that she has. It's not just this, she is stingy in other ways, with other people. Very happy to spend ££££ on herself though!

OP posts:
BMW58 · 09/06/2026 13:17

Perhaps she doesn't want her son and DIL to expect £££££ but to make their own way in life.