Examples of rich people being stingy!

@Wonderlandpeony I think you made a good choice to ghost her but I'm amazed it took you so long to say no.
The problem is when people get very elderly they can become quite self centred - Mil is ruining Sil's life at the moment with her never ending requests - Sil does not have the ability to say no, MIL is aware of what she is doing but she doesn't care - she puts her needs first. Of course there is no big money involved so no one can accuse her of that! Sil in very frustrated that we have firm boundaries. We help but there are limits.

Elderly very wealthy aunt has asked me for lifts for years. Taken her to doctors, hospital, physio, vets appointments, you name it. Son lives next door to her, daughter down the road, lots of grand children, but says she can't ask them as they're too busy. Have done lots of other favours too. Often asks me to go for a coffee after I've taken her wherever and never once offered to pay. Never a small token present on my birthday to say thank you, absolutely nothing.

Recently when I didn't have a car for two months she got really annoyed and started having a go at me and being quite nasty.

Kind of made me wake up and smell the coffee and I ghosted her.

This exactly

people are mean tho

I’ve got a friend who is loaded and she’s so so tight it’s just ridiculous - I’m fairly low contact with her now and she’s minted but always orders the most expensive thing then wants to “split the bill” - not a chance!!!!!!

I think men are far more likely to call this out. I've heard men talking about someone never buying a round, going to the loo when it's his turn, having moths in his wallet, being a tightarse etc to someone's face. It does tend to result in that person paying their share for that night at least.

I am somewhat friendly with a musician that everybody would assume would be wealthy . Out one night I asked him if he wanted a drink as I was going to the bar . He was so appreciative as he said nobody ever asks him or gets him a drink because they assume he will pick up the tab . Normally he does but he said it was just so nice to be treated by a friend . Nice guy and it was after all just a pint .

Friend's dad, switches shower off when shampooing hair to save water.

Always moaning about money, a tight bore.

Don't worry I'm sure your DH will be in the will.

@Holesintheground brilliant post.

MN loathes anyone who expects family members to behave like it when it comes to money.

If they stop scolding the sad, they might realise this isn’t really about money. Family means help each other, as we women know to our cost.

But being parsimonious to yourself is not the same as being stingy with others. I would say I’m quite careful but would never ever not pay my way in fact I veer in the opposite direction!

Yes but the M in L is happy to.let her son and his wife pay for her but wont reciprocate at all. V rude and shows her up as not a v nice person.

I knew someone who had their slippers repaired instead of buying new and boiled the kettle once in the morning, put the hot water in a flask and used it for coffees / teas all day.

One of our neighbours won a million on a scratchcard but he will still charge his family petrol money for lifts and tip runs.

Why is this so transactional? She is happy to go 50/50 and pay her half. She doesn't have to 'treat' you, its her choice.

She doesn't owe you a treat. You can't make someone treat you. The whole point of treating someone is because you want to do it no strings attached.

You choose to treat people. If you're now resenting that she doesn't treat you just go back to 50/50 splits.

Why she doesn't do it, its her choice and she doesn't owe you an explanation either.

Its aame as when it comes ro care it shouldn't be transactional based on how much mobey she gifted you or how much uou will inherit its because you want to care for her with no expectations or string attached.

Awful the way many people turn it into a transactional dynamic.

You be who you want to be and let kther be how they are, you choose your boundaries and if treating her is now annoying you then just stop.

I don't think that's what she was saying at all!! She said she never offers to pay even though shes loaded....

Dh has just had a frank word with a friend who does this everytime they go out.
I was cringing when he told me he called his friend out but I know he had finally had enough.

Ok point taken, thicker skin grown 💪 Are you also on the eczema thread? Joking obviously 😉

Most billionaires and Musk. Obviously they could solve a lot of world problems and suffering but instead one wants to become a famous space invader so he can hoard more money no doubt

She’s talking about the odd meal now and again, not a flat in Chelsea.

No, that's not what's being said at all. The point being made is that if someone chooses not to do things that most loving parents who were well off would enjoy doing, and don't seem to have any of the parental feelings many of the rest of us have where we love to treat our children, then they needn't bring out the 'I thought my family would look after me, please run around doing my errands and being my servant all day every day' line when they become less capable and don't want to spend their own money on buying help in. That's being transactional. And it happens a lot.

We also run a small business, we don't whine about things - we either run our business profitably whilst provide a good service or we don't and we go under - no one owes us a living. It goes both ways too - everyone tries it on a bit, client and supplier because you must deal with both and we've had suppliers who have attempted to make excess profits off us and we have just said no - they come back with a better price or we go elsewhere. You really need to develop a thicker skin.

Hopefully her poor child and your dh won't have to wait too long..

Grabby

I have this, to a degree. I’m wealthier than my siblings, and when we are out they’ll attempt to split the bill by ‘family unit’ rather than individual, so that I (attending alone) would subsidise their partners and adult children. Every time, I say no, let’s spilt per adult, and am met with a faux naive “oh yes, of course, silly me” type response.

it’s infuriating.

People should pay their own way in life.

We do say no, and don't take it personally. Some people will always ask for a discount, if they have history with our company and have been customers for years we will consider it.

The service our company provides is not fixing roofs or putting up fencing. The very fact they approach us in the first place means they have a luxury property and want to make some expensive changes. We're a small family run company with huge overheads and our profit margins are small.