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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

114 replies

MayasJam · 09/06/2026 11:11

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

OP posts:
MxCactus · 09/06/2026 15:28

I'm team keep going! If you were in your 20s I'd say pause a few months, but most/a lot are infertile by age 42 so you've only got a few years to conceive and each year has greater risks for the baby, so I don't think it's worth pausing!

Singlemumsurvivor · 09/06/2026 15:26

I’d keep trying. For those who say three months won’t affect ttc of course it can. If you’ve been trying for 7 months I wouldn’t risk stopping. A wedding can be altered, moved.

Moellen54 · 09/06/2026 15:23

Think it depends how prepared for, and how easy cancelling would be. Are you prepared to lose money or are you happy to look like a beached whale in your wedding photos

fashionqueen0123 · 09/06/2026 14:52

Rubbleonthedouble2 · 09/06/2026 13:10

Can you have a registry marriage asap so that the wedding will remain a party? That way you're legally protected regardless of what happens on the baby front.

I would do this too.

Original poster
MayasJam · 09/06/2026 14:50

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, I've made the decision not going to have a break and work things out if needed!

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 09/06/2026 14:39

Whilst I really wouldn’t want to get married whilst pregnant, at almost 40 I wouldn’t stop and would just adapt the wedding date if it does happen that you’d be heavily pregnant when it comes around. Or get married sooner, at least legally.

BatildaB · 09/06/2026 13:41

How can people say three months isn’t here or there when TTC around 40? Every month you have a particular probability of conceiving, decreasing over time, for a finite amount of time. If you pause and then can’t conceive you’ll always wonder what could have been. I conceived after over a year of trying at a similar age, I was starting to feel pretty despairing around the year mark. I have friends it hasn’t happened for. Murphy’s law says you’ll conceive so that your planned wedding is also your due date, but that won’t make a long term difference to your life.

Jellybunny98 · 09/06/2026 13:30

Honestly at nearly 40 if having a child is important to you then I wouldn’t pause or stop for a wedding at all.

Edenmum2 · 09/06/2026 13:28

I think it’s more likely you will regret not trying. If you get pregnant you will be happy despite the wedding.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/06/2026 13:12

You’d be daft to stop TTC when your age is against you and it’s been 7 months already

Italiangreyhound · 09/06/2026 13:11

Just out of interest why are you waiting until April 2027, when you have been trying for a baby since late 2025?

Of course your business but in your shoes I'd bring the wedding forward and just go for it!

Larrythecatforpm · 09/06/2026 13:10

Keep trying, time is not on your side.

Rubbleonthedouble2 · 09/06/2026 13:10

Can you have a registry marriage asap so that the wedding will remain a party? That way you're legally protected regardless of what happens on the baby front.

Italiangreyhound · 09/06/2026 13:09

Do not pause. Not worth it.

MiddleAgedMum45622 · 09/06/2026 13:08

Having the baby the week/month before the wedding would mean no wedding at all, so depends how you feel about that. But you are unfortunately also very old to be TTC so depends on priorities. You should probably be looking at IVF soon, which is incredibly hard and will make you feel shit at the wedding too.

Bring the wedding forward, this summer.

Gladystheimpaler · 09/06/2026 12:25

I'd keep trying. You can change details of the wedding however you like, and if little one is here at that time then they get to be in the photos!

Lotsofthings · 09/06/2026 12:21

Can you bring the wedding forward, get married this summer. Start married life, have a honeymoon baby.

AffableApple · 09/06/2026 11:57

MayasJam · 09/06/2026 11:30

Yes, I don't mind being pregnant at the wedding - I wouldn't want to stop TTC for a long time. Just to try and avoid being 9 months pregnant / 4 weeks post partum at wedding date.

I don't drink anyway so not bothered about not being able to have a drink!

I had thought I'd just go for a break but having thought more due to age / not having been able to get pregnant yet I'm leaning more towards just keep trying and see what happens.

Show quote history

I was six months pregnant or so at my wedding, in my 40s, so I was going to say you're mad to pause TTC. But I see now it's just that you don't want to be 8/9 months pregnant or with a newborn. Totally understandable. Three months off won't make much difference to TTC, but being 8 or 9 months pregnant, or any postpartum trouble in the early days/weeks might risk the wedding not going ahead. Do the maths and keep it short. Good luck, and enjoy!

SecretSquirrelLoo · 09/06/2026 11:48

At your age I wouldn’t pause, especially as pg hasn’t happened yet.

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 09/06/2026 11:47

I'd pause tbh. I got married with a baby. The honest truth is, I would have enjoyed my wedding more without a baby. I spent half my wedding reception upstairs breastfeeding and trying to settle her. Planning was also much more stressful with a baby.
I did get some lovely wedding pics. My husband carried her back up the aisle which was lovely. But my one regret is not getting married before kids so it could have been just us, with no responsibilities.

ArabellaWeird · 09/06/2026 11:46

I would just carry on and deal with whatever happens, if and when it does.

6ate9 · 09/06/2026 11:43

A wedding is just ONE day, the marriage (and having children in your case) is what’s important and hopefully is going to be for life. Due to your age, I would keep trying and just “go with the flow!!!”

Didimum · 09/06/2026 11:31

Pause for 3 months. Ultimately it isn’t going to make a difference long term.

Iexpecttobetired · 09/06/2026 11:30

I'd keep trying. I wouldn't be able to deal with the 'what ifs' if I stopped and it did not happen. Plus if it doesn't happen straight away you have the wedding planning to distract you.

Original poster
MayasJam · 09/06/2026 11:30

Thistimearound · 09/06/2026 11:25

And what do you mean by pausing by 3 months OP? - do you mean you don’t mind being pregnant at the wedding but don’t want to be 8-9 months pregnant or have a tiny newborn?

In which case I think those concerns would be valid but if a pregnancy did happen you’d have to just take it as a wonderful miracle and change the wedding. Either moving it forward a few months or just going to a Register Office in maternity clothes and postponing the party side of things.

Yes, I don't mind being pregnant at the wedding - I wouldn't want to stop TTC for a long time. Just to try and avoid being 9 months pregnant / 4 weeks post partum at wedding date.

I don't drink anyway so not bothered about not being able to have a drink!

I had thought I'd just go for a break but having thought more due to age / not having been able to get pregnant yet I'm leaning more towards just keep trying and see what happens.

OP posts: