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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

114 replies

MayasJam · 09/06/2026 11:11

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

OP posts:
Miranda65 · 09/06/2026 16:31

Cancel the wedding. Get married ASAP at a Register Office. Have the baby (I know that success is not guaranteed). Then when everything has calmed down a bit, throw a party to celebrate one or both events.

DontBuyAnotherBook · 09/06/2026 16:30

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 09/06/2026 11:47

I'd pause tbh. I got married with a baby. The honest truth is, I would have enjoyed my wedding more without a baby. I spent half my wedding reception upstairs breastfeeding and trying to settle her. Planning was also much more stressful with a baby.
I did get some lovely wedding pics. My husband carried her back up the aisle which was lovely. But my one regret is not getting married before kids so it could have been just us, with no responsibilities.

If she pauses she risks not having a baby plus easy to say when you already have the baby.

Laurabeee · 09/06/2026 16:29

Keep trying for the baby. You will work around it no matter what. I have my own personal regrets from being in a similar situation and holding off trying.

Yellowsubmarine55 · 09/06/2026 16:29

I'd keep trying and adjust wedding plans if and when you have to. If you've been trying for 7 months with nothing happening I'd recommend seeing someone to check all is ok with both of you.

Good luck

DontBuyAnotherBook · 09/06/2026 16:28

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/06/2026 11:13

I would pause. A few months wouldn’t make much difference, I don’t think.

I wouldn’t have wanted to be pregnant at my wedding. I would want to have a drink, and I wouldn’t want to be restricted in what I chose for the food menu - and definitely not to be avoiding lovely thinks I had chosen!

It does at nearly 40.

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 09/06/2026 16:28

Keep trying @MayasJamand Congratulations on your wedding and Good luck 🤞

CeramicRoses · 09/06/2026 16:23

Personally I’d change plans, get married asap and then you can keep trying with no worries.

Manthide · 09/06/2026 16:23

I would crack on with ttc! I was almost 42 when I conceived my youngest. Dd1 delayed ttc as she wanted to be married before she had dc and wedding was postponed due to covid. Then after they married she wanted a proper honeymoon which again had to wait due to ongoing travel restrictions. She is now expecting dc2 but may not now go for a third as she is on the slippery slope to 40.

BlackRowan · 09/06/2026 16:19

MayasJam · 09/06/2026 11:30

Yes, I don't mind being pregnant at the wedding - I wouldn't want to stop TTC for a long time. Just to try and avoid being 9 months pregnant / 4 weeks post partum at wedding date.

I don't drink anyway so not bothered about not being able to have a drink!

I had thought I'd just go for a break but having thought more due to age / not having been able to get pregnant yet I'm leaning more towards just keep trying and see what happens.

Show quote history

This is not an exact science. You could give birth at 7 months. To be sure you need to stop TTC for longer

BlackRowan · 09/06/2026 16:15

Would you be ok to miss your chance at having a baby at all in favour of a nice wedding? If not, keep trying.

Skybluepinky · 09/06/2026 16:13

At your age, the sooner the better don’t wait.

Coolasacucumber26 · 09/06/2026 16:10

Dont delay! Life is too short. We waited until after our wedding...which ended up being cancelled 3 times due to COVID! Actual wedding was about 2 years later. Looking back, I could of had 2 babies in the time in between 🤣 we have one gorgeous DS now though so it all worked out ok in the end! Keep trying and see what happens...you can easy get a new dress x

horseandsound · 09/06/2026 16:07

Nope - shag on! You’re too old to wait.

Londonrach1 · 09/06/2026 16:04

Why you waiting so long to get married. Keep TTC and just do a smaller quicker wedding...

Grammarninja · 09/06/2026 16:02

Don't waste your time at your age. If kids are very important to you, put your time and money into ivf now. I don't mean to be alarmist but I started trying at 38 and was told that if things didn't happen within 3 months, and I wanted to be sure I had a baby, I needed to get onto fertility treatments. I didn't and I rued that decision. I was 60k in the hole and 41 before I had my baby. Don't take a single month for granted, Op.

ChatterB · 09/06/2026 15:59

Im an older mum, had my first late 30s and second in my 40s. I wouldnt break, you could actually miss your chance. Good luck xx

MightyDandelionEsq · 09/06/2026 15:59

I know we lie to each other as women to give others hope but threads like these remind me of how that can be quite cruel because biology does have a clock. It’s an invisible clock and some women have longer, some don’t. But generally after 35, it’ll get tougher.

At 39 it’s advanced maternal age, so I wouldn’t be missing a month at all if it were me.

Leavin4 · 09/06/2026 15:59

I think your decision not to stop trying now is a wise one. If you never had kids how would you feel looking back if you’d given up these precious chances?

You may already be eligible for a referral to the fertility service. If you wanted to explore it it would be worth chatting with your GP.

ijustwanttoworkout · 09/06/2026 15:49

I would. You clearly don’t want one

Jade247 · 09/06/2026 15:46

I would carry on trying 🥰

MiddleAgedMum45622 · 09/06/2026 15:37

Newusername0 · 09/06/2026 15:32

In this instance though it wouldn’t be a few months. If you want to have a drink at your wedding then you would need to stop trying until after your wedding, which is literally almost a year away.

I would not wait a year under the circumstances you’ve described.

Show quote history

That was a different poster who wanted a drink at their own wedding. OP just doesn't want to be giving birth around the wedding date hence the pause for a couple of months. Although I wouldn't even wait that at her age.

Pistachiocake · 09/06/2026 15:34

Couldn't you get married more quickly? I don't know if it's the same now, but you used to be able to get a registry office one very soon, and if you wanted to have a fancier celebration in the future, you could. I get that some people want to be married before having a baby for religious reasons, and if so, you could speak to your religious leader (won't list all the types as I don't know your religion, so it would take a while!) about a quick service given your situation.

TickyTacky · 09/06/2026 15:34

You are actually eligible for fertility tests after 6 months of ttc due to your age, so I'd get that process started and not stop trying for now.

Newusername0 · 09/06/2026 15:32

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/06/2026 11:13

I would pause. A few months wouldn’t make much difference, I don’t think.

I wouldn’t have wanted to be pregnant at my wedding. I would want to have a drink, and I wouldn’t want to be restricted in what I chose for the food menu - and definitely not to be avoiding lovely thinks I had chosen!

In this instance though it wouldn’t be a few months. If you want to have a drink at your wedding then you would need to stop trying until after your wedding, which is literally almost a year away.

I would not wait a year under the circumstances you’ve described.

Scrumptiousy · 09/06/2026 15:29

I wouldn’t consider pausing for even one month at your age