AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

At 39, I wouldn't stop because if you pause, you will always wonder what might have been if it still doesn't happen after the wedding, and if you dont pause and you do get pregnant before the wedding then you will be so delighted that you'll easily adapt whether it be put the wedding back a bit or have a wedding dress that fits over your bump.

Get married next week.
Continue to try to conceive.
Have a ‘we are married!’ party whenever it’s convenient.

Keep trying. Sadly your age is against you. If you get pregnant you’ll still have time to rearrange

If you haven’t already done so Id also think about getting your fertility checked so you done waste time too.

If you don’t drink anyway then I would say “stop TTC” as in ovulation tracking, testing etc. Still have unprotected sex. Some women on here say that when they stopped trying it happened. So you never know, the “3 month break” could actually help you out here in terms of baby.

Dd1 is a gynaecologist, currently pregnant with dc2 who is due around her 35th birthday. She doesn't see it as a cliff edge but trying for a first baby after 35 does mean that you may have unknown fertility issues and less time to deal with them if they occur. I had ds at age 37 and dd3 at 42 and fell pregnant quickly both times but I already had 2dc.

When you’re TTC, 3-4 months of stopping would be painfully slow. I was going stir crazy on month 1.

I could not imagine actively preventing pregnancy mid way through TTC when it’s already been 7 months for you.

Good luck, I hope you get pregnant soon 🙏🏻🤞🏼 Just wanted to add, if you do I would move the wedding forward rather than back. You can still have loads of fun while pregnant, but you don’t know how you’d feel postpartum. Sometimes recovery can take a long time and you want to be able to enjoy it xx

I had fertility struggles - I would strongly suggest you keep trying. 4 months is a long time to lose out on not trying if you’ve already been unsuccessful after 7 months. Due to your age it is going to be more difficult anyway. Absolutely try.

Good luck!

Team baby here. You can get married any time. You only have a certain time for a baby and from someone who suffered secondary unexplained infertility, please don't wait. With my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, we TTC for 18 months each time. I gave up tracking fertility and immediately fell pregnant both times.

I always think "how will I feel if...."
What feels more concerning;

• not having conceived in 12-18 months time
• having to change the wedding or being post partum/heavily pregnant at it

Personally, a wedding is a day, a party and can be moved (yes expensive but possible). A baby/conceiving is priceless, and I wouldn't cope with feeling like I'd not thrown everything at it. However, it does depend on a) how you view a wedding and b) how desperate you are to conceive - only you know that.

Definitely shag on OP! Xx

I was TTC at 36, straight after getting married, 6mths in my dr gave me stuff to 'help' then took another 6mths for it to actually happen as I was 'geriatric'🤦‍♀️ Baby born when I just turned 38 I wish I had started TTC before we got married due to my age. Just go for it, and get a bigger dress if pregnant.

I’d keep trying - if you end up pregnant and due to give birth at the time of your wedding, see it as a lovey problem to have. If you aren’t pregnant, you can find a silver lining by enjoying your wedding as planned. Also, the knock on effect on your age if you want more than one child - it’s not just a delay to this pregnancy.

You might want to have some investigations, just to know if there’s anything you could be doing to help things along. For example, follicle tracking by a fertility clinic would tell you exactly when you are fertile more accurately than anything you can do at home. It doesn’t have to be IVF straight away, but doesn’t hurt to get some info about your exact situation. I had my children later in life too. Good luck x

Keep trying for a baby and don't move the wedding whatever happens would be my view.

@MightyDandelionEsq ooops quote function didn't work 😀

I would absolutely continue TTC. A wedding is one day, but a baby is forever and at 40 you’re definitely limited on time.

A lot of places no longer use 35 as advanced maternal age I think it's closer to 38-40 now depending on whether you are looking at risk of genetic abnormality (less than 1% difference between someone falling pregnant at 20 vs 38 and less than 1% risk overall) or certain conditions in pregnancy that increase with age. And as you say it's a slope and everyone is aware it gets harder for a lot of women (and men) but keeping up to date with the latest research does help. I have a friend who had her second baby at 34 after no issues with her first (or second thankfully) but she said had it not happened she wouldn't have tried again after 35 as she was so scared of 'the risks' and in reality the difference between falling pregnant at 34 and 10 months vs 35 and 2 months is obviously negligible. I am all for accepting extra testing in pregnancy so I wouldn't mind the advanced maternal age category at all in my next pregnancy if I fall pregnant again but just don't want anyone to panic needlessly, people who haven't started trying by 35 usually have a reason for it not that they put it off on purpose for a decade. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy 😀

I had an accidental pregnancy when we were engaged and had already picked the date. The planned date of our wedding ended up being the very early date our DD arrived. Fortunately when we told the doctor our wedding plans she laughed us out of the room (we also had a 6 hour flight to the place we wanted to do it). We ended up eloping and doing a small reception for our friends. If you want children prioritise that, but don't plan a formal wedding which can't be moved, as you may have to.

I think you’ve made the right decision to carry on trying .
I’ve watched my daughter go through fertility woes age 38, so hard. Fortunately now she does have a beautiful baby girl, but it’s not been an easy road approaching 40. Good luck x

Baby much more important than wedding.

Currently pregnant and was told recently that after 35 I’d be advanced maternal age and it’d be added as a risk marker on my pregnancy. You have to have closer observation.

So I don’t believe it has been debunked entirely, it’s just not a cliff edge but more of a slope, But to pretend it isn’t harder as you age to conceive, carry, and birth isn’t helping women. It’s going to be significantly harder at 40 than 20 for the vast majority of women (there are exceptions).

I work with someone that got married in their lunch hour. I just had a small wedding. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Having a baby is a massive deal.

Gosh do not prioritise a wedding over a baby at your age. It’s such a no brainee. Every month there is only a slight chance of conceiving and you have no idea of any fertility issues. The months you stop could have been the months it happens.

I don’t understand why you would do this.

The cliff edge at 35 has been debunked. But I'd still keep trying and get a fertility referral just to have all options open to you (coming from someone who got married at 32 and has been trying unsuccessfully for nearly half a decade).

Bear in mind too that NhS guidelines are to see your Dr if you’ve been trying for a year or more and not got pregnant…..if you stop and start again they may not consider that to be a year…..