AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

Thing is that means not trying from now until after the wedding, so a whole year. Fien at 25, a risk at 39.

Whats more important op?

If the OP doesn’t conceive soon then I’m sure she would need to go down the road of fertility tests etc. If she takes a break it is like resetting that clock to zero as she can’t say she’s been trying all that time. So then she’s 41.

It really isn’t worth prioritising a wedding over this.

But ans you say, the issue is not just conceiving, but also being able to sustain pregnancy and the potential for losses and delays and potentially needing medical help.

Disagree with the other PP who suggested OP is too old to TTC, mid to late 30s is normal for many. Optimal? No. But definitely not too old.

What's important is statistics, not individual cases.
Yes some women conceive without absolutely any issue even at a higher age.
Myself included.
However, I was lucky. So many friends try for years and go through IVF.
At 39, with the right partner, I definitely wouldn't wait.
Worst case (which is actually the best case because it means that they manage to conceive naturally), they can have a wedding that is less fancy or if she feels particularly bad, change the date.

It’s also very common for them to have struggles, even if the struggles aren’t age related like yours weren’t you still leave less time to work around these issues. Almost 40 is old to be considering delaying TTC. Luckily OP confirmed yesterday she won’t be delaying anything

She isn't "very old".....I had my daughter at 43, I'd also had 4 miscarriages between 40-42 (not age related, found I had a blood disorder) all were conceived 1st month ttc.....it's common for lots of women to conceive over 40 naturally

As it’s been more than six months and you are 39, you should consider making an appointment with your GP for further investigation. You may well conceive in the meantime but time is not on your side so it’s worth getting the tests underway asap in case there are issues that need sorting.

I think it depends what is more important to you, really. You’re 7 months in and probably still in the camp of assuming that it will definitely happen, for you, at some point. That’s hopefully the case! It might be helpful to think ahead to how you’ll feel if it unfortunately doesn’t and how you might feel the role waiting may or may not have played, in that. With the benefit of hindsight, having taken 2 years and three miscarriages to have my son, I wouldn’t recommend anyone in their mid to late thirties to wait for anything, to be honest. Certainly not a holiday or a wedding etc.

Keep TTC, a bit of a no brainer imo

If you can afford to get private fertility tests done perhaps that would be a good idea? Then you’ll know whether or not you should keep trying, or if you can take a break. Everyone is different, though fertility issues are far more likely at this age. At age 40 I was tested and I was told my chances of a live birth were less than 5% but I know of other women who didn’t have any issues at 40. I ended up doing two rounds of IVF, we were engaged to be married at the time. Round 1 didn’t work, round 2 also didn’t work but we had one embryo to freeze. So we froze the embryo and took three months off to get married, have a honeymoon and enjoy being newlyweds. Then we tried with that embryo, it didn’t work, so then we moved onto donor eggs, and that worked first time. I gave birth at 43 and my daughter is 8 now. I wouldn’t change a thing as she is wonderful, but I’m very glad we knew our fertility situation after having all that tests. You could try the NHS but they won’t do the tests until you’ve been trying for at least a year and there may be a waiting list. You’ll need to have a scan and all the fertility blood tests, and your partner should have the sperm tests. Maybe you’ll be lucky and be like those friends of mine who easily got pregnant at 40 and beyond, but don’t assume you will be! Good luck!

The OP has updated to say they are not going to pause which is a very wise decision considering she’s nearly 40 and they have been trying for 7 months!

If you are going to ‘pause’; I’d just use condoms rather than anything hormonal

I would pause. Or bring the wedding forward.

@selfseededashup against some pretty stiff competition, this is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read on this site.

Just keep trying and see what happens. If you get pregnant in the next few months - amazing - there is still plenty of time to either postpone or bring the wedding forward. If you don't, then you won't be heavily pregnant or freshly postpartum and nothing to worry about on that front and you can take next steps with fertility treatment once you've reached 12 months TTC.

Fingers crossed for you, OP.

Aged 39, hell no

What a silly and inappropriate comment to make on this thread.

It's not really about the parents, who have made their own choices. The risks to the baby are more important. It says a lot that parents rarely consider the unborn baby above their own desires.

Are you aware that being over 35 means your baby is at higher risk of having a condition such as Down syndrome? And if the father is over 40 the baby is at higher risk of being autistic or schizophrenic, for example. Can't you adopt a baby who needs a home?

If it was me I would just leave it to fate. You've been trying for 7 months already so it will obviously be a happy suprise if it happens in the next 3 months. And things have a funny way of happening at inconvenient times so maybe this will spur on the pregnancy! I also recommend eloping as someone suggested. We did that and I have no regrets!

I agree. A pause in the big scheme of things won’t hurt. Enjoy your wedding, have fun and then start TTC afterwards. Once the baby comes along there will be less time for you both together for a while. So enjoy it x

Fertility is declining at your age and every month that passes adds to it. Weddings can be arranged at any age.

I’d cancel the big wedding and book a register office asap and prioritise ttc. Have a humdinger of a christening party.

good luck

Of course a few months can make a few difference, she's 39. This is silly advice.

OP, you can rearrange a wedding. You can't get your fertility back once it's completely gone.

I had my second child at 38 - I think on the second month of trying. Fertility doesn’t always fall off a cliff. Maybe reframe it for a month or so that you aren’t trying not to conceive rather than you’re trying your hardest?