Teenager refusing to follow school rules on make-up and piercings

If she has low self esteem, does she have underlying skin issues e.g. acne? If so, would treatment of this with e.g. azelaic acid or systemic treatments from the GP help? Fair enough to wear minimal undetectable make-up if you're very self-conscious about your skin but sounds like she's taken it too far. Could she wear subtle mineral make-up like bare minerals if she's going to be very distressed with stopping? School wouldn't pick up on it and she would have the coverage she feels she needs.

Can’t believe the school worries about this kind of thing. Does it really matter?!

I know the argument is well we all have to follow rules at work, but I've never come across the same level of ridiculousness in the workplace as I have in school. I'd let school give consequences but I wouldn't do more tbh.

Presumably the daughter who is 16 is buying them for herself.

I wonder what sort of careers the “you go girl, you break them rules!” people have ended up in.

I’ve never really seen what there is to celebrate in braking rules for the sake of it, and definitely never seen why it’s viewed as a moral good.

I have though seen quite a few graduates lose a career in banking through ignoring what in their view were silly rules.

She’s setting herself up to fail in the future. We live in a world where there are rules to follow, “petty” or not. There’s plenty of other ways to “express herself”.

@SpudGunToo don't be unkind. It's probably a typo.

Shes lucky she has such a lenient school.At the one I work at its isolation if refuse.

“I don’t here from them now.”

Oh dear.

Not where I work, not in our MAT, or the previous one. I've never taught anywhere which banned makeup like this. However, it's obviously variable.
We have to focus on vaping, toilet vandalism and internal truancy quite a lot, so it just isn't a good use of teacher time.
However, I suspect in these private schools they like to present a certain image.

I would say this is a good approach. Just telling her to follow the rules clearly won't work.
I'd be explaining the alternative if she gets kicked out which is a state school where she knows nobody half way through GCSE year. Along with the fact that you will lose your deposit.
so she can hate it all she wants but it's a private school they are under zero obligation to keep her on. Show her the parental agreement you had to sign and the fact that she has to uphold code of conduct or will be expelled.
If she doesn't want that then she has to comply. No matter how stupid the rule.

Agreed. You say she likes it there? Well she is risking her place. It’s only a matter of time before they take steps towards suspension and ultimately exclusion. She’s being really silly to risk it all like this.

Also can she maybe just tone the makeup down. Is it subtle or is it really ott cleaning makeup look. In any case I don’t think the school should be that involved but I suppose it can be distracting looking at someone’s face if it’s totally overdone.

As your DD is at a private school did you sign a parent contract that agree for your DD is abide by school rules?
What are the consequences of not abiding by school rules at your DD school?
Some people don think "rules" apply to them and they often face consequences they dont like and havent thought through.
If your DD school has specific consequences for not complying with school rules eg: detentions, suspension or expulsion discuss these with your DD.
Perhaps she wants to move to a different more relaxed school?
Though moving mid gcse course seems unwise over false eyelashes and makeup. Make it clear she will probably have to leave her current school if she chooses not to abide by the rules and ask what her plans are if that happens.
My son did this in yr 10 with attention seeking hairstyles,(shaved patterns,colours and a shaved stripe through the eyebrow)i told him we and he agreed to abide by school rules and to renage on that makes us all look fools, i asked him why he thought the school rules didn't apply to him.
I told him he could move to a school with less strict appearance rules (which he could research and find) or abide by the rules with the proviso that he could have the hairstyle he preferred in summer holidays.
He did get suspended and eventually agreed to follow the school rules until he left school after which he never bothered with the attention seeking hairstyles.
Hes adult now and laughs about how utterly ridiculous he he looked at that time.

I could have written this post! I'm tattooed, pierced & a medically retired Assistant Headteacher. My DD is 15 & in Yr 10. She's also, like the OP, ND. She's incredible at makeup (a very common hyperfixation for ND teenage girls apparently - told to me by CAMHS). Her school gave up the make up obsession a few years ago. My DD has a nose stud, belly piercing & wears lashes/subtle make up. It doesn't affect her education whatsoever. I'm 'lucky' that DD's school are more focused on those bringing weapons or drugs into school than who is wearing individual lashes...a depressing statement but a sign of education in 2026.
OP- I'm not sure what the answer is. As you've chosen private then they could ask your DD to leave. I'd spell out to her the possible outcomes if she continues to go against these rules. She's obviously old enough to understand the consequences. Good Luck.....x

Yes, a teacher or one of the deputy heads will take her to an appropriate toilet and tell her to wash it off

if she refuses then they’ll put her in isolation.

i can’t speak to the Irish system but that’s the English system in the schools that have make up rules.

op, be aware the local comp may be even more strict.

I think the school is being unreasonable. Tell them she is neurodiverse and the makeup is copying mechanism for her and they are discriminating. She is 16 I think she should be able to wear makeup if she wants. Is it very ott makeup I’m guessing.

DD2's non selective state school was more strict on uniform than DD1's super-selective grammar. And had more homework. Most are. School with relaxed rules on appearance are like unicorns.

Not in this instance. This is a private school, and the OP could easily find a non selective state school which allows makeup and false eyelashes, although not necessarily many piercings.

This. I think this rebellion is pretty harmless really and I wouldn't be punishing her at home per se. But let her know that she could get chucked out of school. Is that what she wants? Perhaps it is. Is that what the school want? Would she prefer to GCSEs at home with a tutor? Does she know where she wants to study/train in beauty and what does she need to get in? It sounds like she is doing quite well and school and DD need to reach a compromise so she can so her exams then have more freedom.

Sometimes state comprehensives can be more strict on uniform unfortunately.

How many days does she have left at school?

Is it just exams she is present for or actual lessons?

Can you just get her to sit the exams and assure the school she will then leave and this will no longer be a problem to them after x date?

I wonder if this might actually be your solution… given that she’s in private school where it may be their rules or the highway, you need to have a very honest conversation with her about all of this.

I would have an open conversation about how you feel about the rules, share that you were the same at her age so you completely understand BUT you also want her to get the best education she can and emphasise the importance of her being able to complete education, which unfortunately means having to listen to their rules

both things can be true … the rules are pointless but for the moment, you need to follow them

Maybe you could introduce some sort of incentive to her doing this, e.g you’ll pay for her piercing in the summer as long as she doesn’t wear make up for the rest of the term and on the agreement she can only wear it out of school

Next year maybe there’s another incentive to follow till the summer term… you’ll pay for her to do a decent make up course, but her a make up kit etc

You need to acknowledge her interests, collaboratively recognise the problem and discuss solutions together

And this is why you shouldn’t defer a year when they are 4.

I should think the current school won’t allow her back next year and she will end up stuck.

I had this with my DD in year 9/10. Private girls school and she's a summer baby (not held back). My daughter wore plain black trousers and got expelled. They later resinded the decision but she'd lost face.
My daughter had been bullied for 'chunky legs'. She just wanted to cover them up. The majority of teaching staff wore trousers and my smart arse DD pointed this out along with the equality act. After trying to find an alternative school she asked to go to the local 'dump'. It was the best thing I ever did. She had multiple coloured hair, stick on nails etc. When I asked the headmaster about the uniform code it was ' if I can see through it, up it or down it' you're not wearing it. Only a shirt and tie that she wore daily. She then went to a state six form with the same liberal views.
Fwiw she's now a med student.

I work in beauty at C-Suite level. I recommend if she wants a beauty career apply to college and perhaps a Saturday job in Boots/ Space NK. Mac also employ trainee make up artists.

This is someone’s child you are talking about… where are your manners?

OP asked for advice not for you to insult her daughter.

Did your parents not teach you “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”?!