Teenager refusing to follow school rules on make-up and piercings

Legally she can leave school on the last Friday in June this year and if she keeps up this behaviour the school, even a private one might not be too unhappy to lose her. Keeping her back a year seems to have backfired. She is clearly confident enough in herself to continually break the school rules so maybe a move to somewhere less restrictive and cheaper might be better all round.

I was like this as a teenager with piercings, I got my nose pierced at 12 without my mum’s permission, tongue at 14 etc (pure rebellion, I regret that one!), lots up my ears. I’m an adult now and have over 30 piercings and tattoos.

BUT, having been a teacher and also in the same place as your daughter, I’d really caution her against it. She won’t be able to heal a piercing properly if school make her take it out, and it’s not worth the drama of getting in trouble constantly. I wish I’d have waited until I was old enough to have piercings and body mods without the hassle.

Back up school that she will be at for a few more months at the cost if her relationship with her daughter. That is so stupid.

Hopefully she will have learnt by the time she starts applying for jobs that there are rules to be observed. Otherwise she wont get very far in life

That’s trickier as she’s been held back so is only yr10.
Speak to her about just getting through the year and focusing on what’s next. She’ll presumably need gcses for the college courses she wants. If she gets suspended for piercing then it’s going to faff up her plans.
Is a compromise a bit of make up and no lashes.
As for school you can say you’ll speak to her but they need to punish as per policy.
If she’s generally not happy at the private school maybe consider her leaving now as she’s 16 and starting college yr12 and taking GCSE’s in maths and English alongside her beauty course.

So stupid school rules gets to dictate and destroy her previously peaceful and loving, happy home?? What crap.

If this is the worst problem she is causing at 16 and with her self-esteem issues that are common at this age, I wouldn't be taking a heavy handed approach personally. I'd agree that the school rules are shit and that she should be able to express her individuality. But, they wont let up or they'll have everyone pushing the boundaries. So she needs to find a compromise where the make-up is toned down a bit and the lashes are less obvious. Or maybe book her in for a lash lift and tint which looks really natural if you have the budget. Then I'd tell her I'd pay for her piercing and make a day of it with lunch and shopping or something as soon as exams are over and its no longer the schools business.

Tell her to do some more natural looking mascara. No one needs fake lashes. If she tones it all down the school will likely back off.

As for the lip piercing I’d say no. Wait til she’s 18 and an adult. Not good for jobs etc too.

It is quite excessive for them to have a zero make up policy imo. Are there other schools in the area that have less strict rules? Can you ask her if she would consider transferring schools to one where the rules suit her more? Or she could petition the school to re-consider this rule? My dd wrote a 4 page essay about why she should be allowed to wear her hair the way she wanted to and her and the head reached a compromise and she is now also allowed to go to prom, which she had previously been banned from.

I’d be saying that she has less than a year of school ahead of her and once at college she can but if she does it now she’s setting herself up for a year 11 from hell and she doesn’t need that. Sometimes we have to wait for what we want and it’s really not long. I’d go as far as to say I’ll pay for the piercing as soon as GCSEs are complete.

Ok, well in most schools it would be detention and if repeatedly done she’d be in isolation until she took it off/etc.

once a teacher has asked her to take the make up off and she’s refused it becomes refusal to follow rules and they can throw the book at her.

She’s heading for suspension for disregarding instructions and school rules. This may scupper her plans for next steps. Ask her if that bothers her.

How long does she have left at school? If not that long, I'd just leave her be. At 16, she has bodily autonomy, and any big restrictions/sanctions are only going to encourage her to rebel more and in other ways. She seems like she is otherwise a good teenager, and I would be picking my battles carefully to keep all the good things you describe. College will be fine with makeup and piercings, why make life stressful in the short term? Schools need to concentrate on so many other more important things in my opinion, but I'm aware that most responses so far are advising you to come down hard on this! I have two teenagers, and they are good people - one gets into trouble for uniform infractions, but they are on the whole pretty awesome, so I don't stress about it.

What is her plan next year? College is probably a better pace for her rather than fighting over make up and piercings.
I went to one the first very liberal sixth forms and honestly by Christmas of the first year all those who had been rebelling with make up and piercings couldn’t be bothered because it didn’t get a reaction.

Does she actually understand the possible consequences? The school will only ask her so many times before they start putting her in isolation or suspending her. If she has plans to return to that school for 6th form they aren’t obligated to let her so if she wants to continue at the school past this summer then she needs to follow their rules. If she doesn’t want to stay then I’d say at this point of the year with so little time left that theres very little incentive for her to follow their rules rules and so this feels like a battle neither you nor the school will win.

So let the school give her detentions and whatever they do for failure to follow school rules. Her choices, so she gets the consequences.

What does she want to do as a career? Lots of jobs will have uniform/ makeup rules. You haven’t mentioned any consequences.

If she is 16 is she just about to finish school anyway? Or is she staying on for 6th form and they have the same rules? My dd, also 16, has pushed back against the rules a lot more in the last few months as she gets closer to leaving. Her school though is very inconsistent in enforcing the rules though so I see her side a lot more.

Firstly, I'm with her that many school rules on appearance are excessive. Understand for piercings for PE. Schools should focus on education not fashion really.

As to what you do - this is tricky. If you remove everything will she comply and go to school? If not, it's a fairly empty gesture.

If she's 16 - is this sixth form? Would she transfer to college?

Could you go the other way then and take her somewhere for a consultation on very natural makeup? if she’s going to wear it maybe she could tone it down to a natural look.

I would back the school up op, she's clearly out to be rebelious. Tell her that she can't get her lip done until she's left school and if she does you'll cancel her phone contract.

This.