Teenager refusing to follow school rules on make-up and piercings

Honestly, just act like an adult and a parent. Tell her that the school rules are to be obeyed, whether she agrees with them or not. She may very well have jobs in the future in which there is a dress code, so she might as well get used to it.

If she won't comply tell there have to be sanctions and then follow through. Your choice what to do, grounding, confiscation of phone etc. My choice would be confiscation of make up all week, given back at weekends, until she agrees to comply.

She will hate you but that's par for the course at times.

I've had teenage daughters, now adult, so do know what they can be like..

Rather than wrecking her lashes with false lashes glued on, lash serum can have amazing results and would give her the look but not breaking rules. It might be a compromise.

Maybe speak to her frankly about your experience. She’s can think the rules are petty but if she wants to go there she needs to just put up with it (can wear makeup and lashes outside school) agree she can have piercing June 27 etc.
Is there a school council or any campaigning to channel her rebellion to. I went that route. My dd was involved in a campaign about pe kit yr11. I think some girls naturally outgrow school environment and are ready to move on.

This, it’s a very fragile, damaged ego to be stamping your foot with the “yeah but I want this!!! Im
one oF the vulnerable ones!!”

What is her view? If she wants to leave at 16 with qualifications she kind of has to stay there as she's already been held back a year. So what is her priority?

Which is exactly why it’s ridiculous that schools in this country prioritise a child’s presentation over their education. Will she really get expelled for wearing fake eyelashes?? Seriously…

Have to leave school at 16 to enter College or non 'Strict' Formal Sixth Form

so what are the consequences from school? is she getting detention? other consequences?
if she isn't, what consequences are you giving her?

I can understand you not wanting to remove all her stuff if it's tied in with her self esteem issues but you're wanting her to change just cos you've asked nicely, and that isn't happening so what are the consequences?

does she know she's at risk of expulsion?

what would have worked with you At that age?

Speaking as someone who is ND and ND son is transferring to a Private School to redo year 10 in September 16 is very young for any ND Child. She is not ready for College nor to leave school. It is a crying shame that most ND children after leave school at 16 and enter College. A Strict School Sixth form is Ok i suppose but really Socially ND children even if Academically Bright should be held back a year. She needs to be told that she is a year 10 Pupil and to behave like one or suffer consequences at school and home. This also with you given her support for her Neurodiversity.

I have had similar with my DD. Not facial piercings but regular sanctions for make-up, uniform and jewellery. She doesn’t care about rules that she doesn’t think are important.

She gets all her work done and is polite etc but as far as she’s concerned, she’ll wear what she wants. The only teachers she listens to are the sports coaches as they’ll prevent her playing a match if she has incorrect kit or jewellery.

To be honest, I gave up long ago. I responded to an email from the school telling them to stop emailing me about these infringements. It is their rules and it’s up to them to enforce them, not me. I support any sanction they want to dish out but I’m not getting involved beyond that. I don’t here from them now.

Unfortunately she's not really got the option of repeating the year somewhere else so she's going to have to follow their "silly" rules.

Colleges will take yp with no GCSEs. Can take Maths and English GCSEs there.
It makes sense to stay at current school but if she’s going to spend yr11 suspended or expelled for repeated violation of uniform code then she’s not getting her GCSEs at that school in any event.
Does she realise that’s a possibility?

Firstly Is she happy there?

Personally I’d ask her to do more natural makeup for the rest of year 10/11. Buy her a new set of natural makeup of her choosing. If the school has issues you can just chat about these at home, so she knows the consequences at school. I would let the school put the boundaries in and just keep telling them you’ve spoken to her but she’s very set on wearing makeup as it helps her confidence. Don’t invest too much thought or time into pedantic school rules.

Some of these comments are bonkers. No child NEEDS to wear false eyelashes to express themselves! If she wants to stick plastic fake lashes onto her face she can do it at the weekend. You need to parent her and nip this in the bud. The school will be more pissed off with you than her.

Exactly this x

How can she start year 12 in September if she doesn't have any GCSES?

Shed surely have to get some GCSES before she can go to college. And as she's already a year behind she's going to feel incredibly old for her age if she has to resit year 10 somewhere else. In fact I don't even know if thats possible? Maybe at an online school.

@IcarusFallingDown she needs to understand that unless she doesn't want to finish 6th form till she's 20 she's going to have to suck up the rules for the next 12 months

It may be outside OP’s control though. If the DD won’t attend without her makeup/lashes or gets a piercing and school suspends or expels her the dd will be needing to go to college anyway. Perhaps better to start yr12 at college in September rather than get expelled.
She can disagree with the petty rules put a private school is like a club with its own rules. If she wants the perks of being in the club so small classes, things she’s looking forward to in yr11 like prom then she needs to just get her head down for 12 months.
I agree she doesn’t sound particularly happy there.

My private school dictated everything we wore, down to coat, shoes, bags, hats and underwear . Bright red gym knickers. I am still traumatised

Their school, their rules.

Because as a private school they get to choose the rules that are important to them and the image they wish to convey.

In signing up you agree to those.

The OP is not going to let her daughter leave the school. That is clear from the tone of her posts.

She's at the wrong school if expressing herself is important. So have a discussion about what options there are. Does she want to carry on, probably receiving detentions and then isolation and ultimately expulsion? This will be a waste of time (and money) and stressful for her, you and the school. She could change schools (go to college?) for next year but that might be difficult half way through her GCSEs. You can empathise with her point of view without supporting it.