i suppose this is a few AIBU in one so here goes!
For some context, I have a difficult relationship with my parents but a great relationship with grandparents. Owing to lots of different things I’m very much a people pleaser and usually go along with what everyone wants even to my own detriment.
I’m getting married and I am currently having the following issues:
- My mother wants to do a speech at the wedding. When I say no she gets very affronted and says it isn’t fair my dad gets to do one (they are divorced and always acting like this). I’m honestly worried she’s going to tell the venue she’s doing one as a ‘surprise’. If she did do one it would be all about her and how wonderful she is.
- My future SIL wants to be a bridesmaid and I don’t want her to be. I want my two best friends and my cousin (who is like my sister) to be my bridesmaids. SIL is very argumentative and keeps asking about it and isn’t really getting my hints. If it makes any difference I wasn’t allowed to be a bridesmaid at her wedding last year as “I might not be around in the future so it would be awkward if i was in all the pictures”.
- i would like my grandad to walk me down the aisle. He is my best friend and practically raised me (along with my other grandparents). My mother is affronted I don’t want her when she’s “been so much better than my dad” and my dad is offended that I don’t want him even though he barely knows me. I’m tempted to have dad and grandad but I don’t really want to.
- My dads wife is an alcoholic and has refused to not have a drink that day. My dad says if she can’t go then he won’t go. If she attends and drinks then she will cause a major kick off.
- my fiancés nan is being extremely fussy over the menu. We’re having a pizza van to try and please all fussy eaters etc and she won’t eat “foreign food” so is kicking off that she’ll be hungry all day. (Kind of unrelated but at SILs wedding she only served food I was allergic to so I ordered a takeaway and ate outside! At no point did I even mention this at the time as it wasn’t my day)
- we would like a child free wedding as we both had to raise our own siblings (who are now adults). We’d like an opportunity to let our hair down and have a fun party with other adults without worrying we’ll trip over a child! Fiancés family have said this isn’t fair to their 4-8 yr olds as they “love a party”
im sure I’ll think of some more but this is it at the moment! It’s also already so long I can see.
my AIBU is whether I should give in to any of these or whether I’m justified in putting my foot down for once and saying I want things my way for once (obviously my fiancés way too, he clearly has input into everything!)