To not want to do the following things at my wedding?

Guest list

Here is a concept my own MIL told me about guests. She said that the fewer you have, the fewer you offend. It makes sense - if the circle of guests is quite small, the offended ones are the group in the ‘next ring around’ but they are still quite few in number. Does that make sense?

(Having said that, we still had way too many, but anyway.)

Your mum gets told no

Dad and his wife won't be coming by the sounds of it which makes the above easier

Grandad walks you down the aisle as he's your dad figure - easily explained

Sil is told you have your BMs sorted, your closest friends

If you wish to exclude children, then you accept some people may be unable to attend and it will cause bad feeling - but it's ultimately your choice

I can't remember if I missed any!

Have a great day!

Just smile and announce what the plan is. When people push back, just say, "I understand that's how you feel, but" and then repeat the plan. There's no need to give any reasons! That just invites discussion.

Your grandad alone should be walking you down the aisle. Your fiancé's nan can be told again what the options are. Your grandad can give a speech if you like, but definitely not either of your parents. This is your day!!

Also, if you plan to have children, do think of this wedding as your first opportunity to set boundaries with your family and establish who makes decisions about your life with your husband - you, him, you both, or everyone else? You will thank me later!

It's also traditional to have your father walk you down the aisle but, if I recall correctly, you've chosen to have your grandfather perform this role as he raised you, so why not have your grandfather give the speech? Surely he'll have greater insight to offer. I hope you'll have a lovely day.

This.

Seriously if you go ahead with the wedding the way you have described you will be so miserable. You’ll also be setting a precedent for how people can treat you on going.
Put your foot down. People will kick off. Let them.. they can stay at home if they want to.
i know this is very hard for people pleasers but why are you so worried about what upsetting people when they absolutely do not give a shit about upsetting you??

Ahh okay, fair enough op xx

Although it sounds like her and your dad were both shite - i'd ban both of them from giving speeches!

All of what you want sounds entirely reasonable. You need to be strong and tell people you want things done your way as it's your wedding.

If you think telling each person face to face will be upsetting, or they'll shout you down, you could write each one a letter clearly setting out the issues, then you have time to word it and say why you want it.

For example, write to your dad and say that you very much want him there, but because you've seen the unfortunate results of his wife having too much to drink, and you know she will at a wedding, you simply don't want to spend your own wedding day feeling anxious and worrying about her, so you're very sorry but she won't be invited. If he chooses not to come you'll be sad, but it's your last word on the situation.

Re your mum and a speech, tell her clearly that she won't be making one, if you're worried that she might stand up and make one, you have to inform the wedding coordinator/ manager of the possibility, they'll have seen it all before. Get them to announce before each speech who is doing it so there's no chance she can do one. Forewarn the best man or someone else on top table so they can say no if she looks like she's standing up.

You can have a small church wedding you know?
Granddad walks you down the aisle, all the other annoying people don't come. Especially don't invite your dad's wife (bonus if your dad doesn't come), no speeches (they are boring anyway), anyone who doesn't like pizza needn't come.

You and your fiancé have a frank talk about who want to be there when you marry and the role you want them to have. Then grit your teeth and tell all the relatives this is the plan. Don't come if you don't like it. It is only a day but it is start of hopefully a lifetime commitment. You don't need bells and whistles but you will remember your grand dad walking you down the aisle till the end of your days.
With hind sight I wish I had "eloped" even with only 14 at.my wedding I could happily have done without at least.6 of them.
Good luck. Be happy. If you have children you will be amazed at how.much you will be forgiven for.

Did you miss the bit about them
wanting a child free wedding? Inviting one or two kids just opens a whole new world of pain - why wasn’t Billy-Bob invited? Why isn’t Mabel a flower girl? Blah blah blah - you either invite all the kids or none of the kids.

If it were me I’d book the church on a weekday just before lunch and have the ceremony with your grandparents and people you want to witness it, then all go out for a meal.

Use the venue for a party on the given day, but par it back a bit, although you could hire a celebrant to put something together to give the party a bit of focus. Your actual wedding day would always have been calm and special then.

I like a big wedding so if you want one, have one. Tbh the more you put your foot down the easier it will be. You’ve been able to tell us what you would actually like, so just do that with a big smile for each one, and keep doing it. Because you know once you’ve dealt with all of these issues, they will come up with more, don’t you? Alllll the way to the wedding.

Incidentally, something that I think will be quite necessary for you will be a day-of coordinator. I have booked quite an inexpensive gentle one, but I talked to another who was an absolute ball buster, I would have picked her but she lives a long way away so pricey for travel. For the day, I can guarantee you are going to be hassled by pinprick nonsense from all these people. Have a person in a black suit with resting bitch face who you can sweetly direct all the questions to - ‘oh Cruella is dealing with all that, just ask her’ while remaining on a cloud yourself.

Stunning dress OP - really beautiful.

Your wedding, your rules! I had a similar grandad issue, I was going to walk down the aisle by myself, I ended up asking my brother as I freaked out a bit at the last minute! It worked out as a really good compromise

Oh i think yabu on 1 and 3

Your mum raised you alone by the sounds of it, but shes not giving a speech or walking you down the aisle?! Thats awful op sorry

Everything else yanbu - I laughed at your sil - what a bellend 😄

PLEASE do exactly as you want. You cannot please everyone and whatever you do, someone will always complain. It is YOUR day. If others don’t like it, they don’t come! As for children, too bad, it’s not about them and they have their own parties to go to, don’t let them ruin your adult day. This day, above any other in your life, should be all about YOU and your finance.

Town hall or registry office wedding with grandparents only. This sounds like cack otherwise. Too many massive selfish egos only thinking of themselves as it stands.

Yeah, cancel it all and either elope or get hitched in a registry with two witnesses.

Elope.

Weddings are a pain in the arse.

Can’t comment on the rest (although they sound a bloody nightmare) but food vans are really tricky.

they can’t do very many pizzas/whatever quickly so the food will be really spread out in time.
it’ll also be a nightmare for coeliacs/vegans. In all honesty you might find doing a cold buffet of some kind as well helpful if you’re going to do this