I'm confused about what to do in this situation. I live in a different European country. My brother recently mentioned that he would like to come and visit me and my DP (he has been over for very short trips a couple of times with his then young sons years ago). I said that he is more than welcome, but would need to stay in a hotel and as we are not set up for guests. That's no problem. We live outside a small town with no hotel and he would be staying in a hotel that is a bit away.
My DP is retired and is organising a day with his extended family (30 people): lunch at our house on 4 July and devising a puzzle car rally (he is away now and can only resume work on this mid-month). My brother would like to come between now and the end of June (I had said June was fine to him). My DP has always been iffy about a visit in that period as he feared he/we would be tied up with the preparations, but he reluctantly agreed that my brother could come then after my brother said it would be the perfect time for him. Today, my brother has come back with dates and is suggesting 4/5 days, which is longer than I thought it be would.
I am now a concerned about the length, and my partner is concerned as he might not be free and he doesn't want the pressure hanging over him. I feel awful about asking my brother to reschedule until after the rally, having led him up until now to believe that we were enthusiastic about this period (he is off work from 19 June to the end of the month). Having discussed with my DP, he strongly wants me to tell my brother it doesn't suit after all. I feel it's very difficult to do that having encouraged him up until now. I think my brother will probably have more work pressure over the summer, although I also know he gets a few days off fortnightly or something (he's a pilot).
My DP is now annoyed that I am so resistant to simply explaining it doesn't suit, but up until my brother suggested his dates today, we had accepted in our minds that he was coming over in this period (but had mistakely assumed for only 2/3 days). I don't know what to do: basically tell my brother not to come until after the rally (very unpleasant of me after all that has been said) or talk to him and possibly accept he comes before the rally (if it is much preferable for him due to his work commitments), but thereby not prioritise my DP's reasable wish to set other dates and put him under pressure he never wanted in the first place. In the couse of discussions today, my DP's position has hardened.
I only have a slightly distant relationship with my brother, so I am not at ease
Help!