To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

Id message back saying fair enough but hope she didn’t laugh at his small cock 😬 but i’m a vindictive witch.

It's not illegal. Don't do it, it's not a good look. Comes across as jealous, petty and vindictive which it obviously is. She's also got no idea your ex has breached her privacy. He sounds awful. Why do women choose these men, and worse, have kids with them?! So depressing

She won’t come out looking like the bigger person though. She’ll come out of it looking like a bonkers ex because he’ll be able to show what led up to him admitting to the relationship. The teacher will be left wondering what the fuck she’s ended up in the middle of, while potentially teaching the OP’s child at some point in the future.

I’d go with the “kill her with kindness” route here that will soon make her wonder

id personally want to tell the school tho as I wouldn’t want my kids in that class as that could be very awkward at parents evening and it would be more than fair to say you feel that it wouldn’t be appropriate.

My ex…sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years You know that this is all designed to hurt you, don’t you? I mean, it might be true that they have a very adventurous sex life, or it could be more vanilla than Mr Whippy. The point is, he knows exactly what to say to make you feel shit, and he’s saying it.

He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful Absolute bollocks. Imagine a new boyfriend bitching to you that his ex didn’t want to have sex with him much. Would any part of you find that comical? I mean, if you believed it, you might feel surprise, or pity, or confusion, but there’s nothing in there that’s humorous. 99.9% of women wouldn’t laugh at that. Again, he’s thought of the most hurtful thing he can think of and he’s aiming it right at you. I’d bet my next months salary that it never happened.

There is so much you could do as revenge, and I’m sure some of it would be enjoyable. We could all give you loads of witty put downs to use, and they’d find their target, but that’s only going to escalate how much he wants to see you upset. The very best revenge is for him to believe that you don’t care. Not a single bit. He could be having nightly sessions with half the PTA if he wanted, and it wouldn’t even warrant an eye roll from you. That will be what drives him mad; the inability to hurt you because you just don’t care enough.

You have to take a step back with demanding to know what he’s doing. That’s sod all to do with you anymore. If he texts you saying ‘We were swinging from the chandeliers last night, then fell asleep laughing at you’ the only reply to send him is if you need something relating to the children. If it doesn’t require a reply, then you don’t give him a reply. If it requires a reply unrelated to the DC or divorce proceedings, then you don’t give him a reply. You have to fake not caring until you genuinely don’t care.

I would think that he's telling the OP because she has been badgering him for weeks about HIS relationship and sex life that absolutely does not concern her.

Sounds like he’s trying to needle you and it’s working. I would take everything he says with a pinch of salt, I imagine most of it is untrue.
Also remember the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. If he truly wasn’t bothered about you views he wouldn’t say stuff to get a reaction.

^ This.

And so what if it is?

This.
if he’s sharing it with you, he’s sharing it with his friends etc.

Unless you think there is coercive control or the likelihood of violence, no. In any case that is probably a police matter.

If you want revenge on your ex then screen shot and send her the messages with a comment like ‘thought you should know what he is saying about you. Sorry, you don’t deserve it’. Hopefully if she has self respect she’ll dump him. It’s not her fault he is vile to you. And you come out looking like the bigger person.

Cheap sex and little else can be loads of fun and are teachers are not exempt from enjoying it!

Your anger is misplaced. Getting her in trouble - if that is your aim, it may not even be an issue for the school - isn't going to stop him being a cunt.

Your ex sounds awful, and your relationship is bitter and toxic. Dragging more people into this cesspit will only make it worse and is completely inappropriate. You will look ridiculous if you contact the workplace of someone your ex is sleeping with.

I would be tempted to move my childs school, as a teacher could be privvy to personal information you don't want your ex to know. The majority of teachers are great people who wouldn't tell the ex, but I wouldn't be able to risk that.

And I wouldn't report. But I would let the woman know your skeezy ex is bragging about their sex life to you and sharing details. She deserves to know that.

I think you need to focus on your child.

Does your ex's new partner teach your child? Are they likely to in future? I think it's reasonable to ask that that doesn't happen if it isn't a single form entry school.

What does your child know about the relationship? How does the school help children manage when they have a personal relationship with a teacher?

What are your other local primary schools like? Worth keeping in mind that you and your ex could agree it's better for your child to swap schools so they're not at the same school as the potential future step mum. May also be the case that the potential future step mum wants to change jobs soon anyway so this isn't an issue.

@Yasminaschool As it isn't your child's teacher then I dont see the issue with them dating.

I would however be showing her the messages that he sent you and suggest that she might want to tell her boyfriend not to share such graphic descriptions of their sex life with other parents at the school!!

As a Chair of Governors, I would tell the HT to file it in the round receptacle in the corner of the office and to respond to you, saying it is not the school's business and as an ex, probably not your's either. This petty behaviour will get you a reputation as "that parent", which I suggest is not something to which you should aspire.

Be the bigger person, ignore his silly messages and don’t report anything. It will only make you feel better temporarily.

Unless it is written into her contract at the school (I very much doubt it is) I'm not sure what rule you think an adult woman dating a divorced man has broken? She isn't writing messages to you on the school messaging app about how great their sex is or similar, she is (so she thought) privately dating another adult in her own time.

Apart from looking ridiculous I'm not sure what going to the school and showing them these messages are going to achieve? Are you wanting the woman he is dating disciplined at work because your relationship hasn't worked out? You do just come across as a bitter and twisted ex out to try and ruin someone who has done nothing wrong. It's none of your business when it comes down to it, you are just going to embarrass yourself here.

The split is obviously hard and you’re hurting. In time you’ll heal. Concentrate on that.

Take the good advice on this board and work towards your future. By asking him questions about his relationship you’re giving him power to hurt you. Which he’s more than capable of doing.

It will get better/easier.

WTF. Why would you do that? This is very malicious behaviour.