To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

This 100%

Very petty shut it down. Ignore it otherwise t you are just giving him encouragement to annoy you.

I thought it would be against policy, so having googled it I’m surprised to find that it isn’t.

Take a deep breath OP. It’s obvious he has got to you. First question is: sweeping their sexual relationship to one side, is there anything else about them dating that could be detrimental to your child’s wellbeing? Is it literally the fact they are sleeping together and you think it’s inappropriate or is there more to it? When you say ‘fractious,’ any domestic abusive/voervive control?

Having worked at school and knowing the personal family information that’s available on the systems within the school, I’d be deeply uncomfortable that he could influence or be privy to information that you would want to be confidential.

You of course need to make the school aware, but in a calm, factual way. I would send an email stating the father of your child has recently informed you he is in a relationship with a teacher at the school. Whilst you understand that there are no laws against this, it does make you feel concerned about the potential for sharing personal information and you would like to be assured that anything confidential you chose to share with the school in the future would not be passed on.

Don’t get into any salacious stuff or air any personal grievances. Just let them know it’s happening and put them on notice that you expect the staff to remain professional.

Take the high road, let him be the dick head here. If your school does have a policy on this it won’t be too long before they are found out anyway. I’d ask him to only communicate with u if it’s about your children from now on. You’ll feel great that you were the bigger person.

She is being incredibly unprofessional so there is no reason you need to protect him or her

i work in a school and I would expect to be pulled up if I were having a relationship with a parent, especially one who was going through a difficult break up with another parent. Students come first, not cheap shags.

He obviously doesn’t care much about her or her career or he wouldn’t be opening her up to such easy criticism.

Do her a favour and report it to the school OP.

The issue here for the school is that the teacher is vulnerable.

If this has been shared with the OP who else is he sharing with.

I wouldn't be reporting the teacher for a relationship. I would be informing the school that the teacher was in a vulnerable position - and potentially open to being blackmailed sexually for example.

I would stress that if the teacher is happy with the relationship that was fine by me but the school/teacher should be aware of how she might be put into a position which was problematic and you have concerns about how this might ultimately impact on your child if it was made public.

Op no kids ever need parents who get on this badly. You need to find a way to ignore or get along

He seems very over the OP, I think that’s her very problem.

She shouldn't be surprised if he has told her about his sex life with OP.

But it’s no just that, is it? It’s what the ex has done that has led to this. It seems that the ex might not be over the OP, either:

at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life

I agree that the OP shouldn’t retaliate, but she’s due some understanding istm

Who says " not allowed" ? Never seen that written in a teachers contract!

He prefers her to you so you want to punish her, it’s not her fault.

His new relationship is nothing to do with you. They are both consenting adults. Move your life on

Why? The teacher has got nothing to be ashamed of.

And he isn't spreading 'salacious sex info' to all and sundry; he told his ex-wife who made a point of repeatedly asking him about his relationship.

Even if he was telling all and sundry, that still wouldn't have anything to do with the teacher's boss.

'Woman fucks boyfriend' doesn't suddenly become headline news just because the woman is a teacher, no matter what the specifics are.

But being human I'd be tempted to tell her he is gloating about their sex life and passing on details to you. How revolting.

Agree with this. Man sounds like an arse.

What's wrong with that?

You need to stop obsessing over your ex.

You say he is 'rubbing his new relationship in your face'. He wasn't, though, was he? You found out about it 'through a third party' and then pestered him repeatedly about it until he told you, despite it being none of your business.

It was indeed nasty of him to go on about their sex life, but that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't kept on at him about it.

Honestly, you sound as bad as each other. The only one who doesn't come out of this is the woman you've decided to throw under the bus for the crime of having a sex life with a man who was single and available.

Exactly. She’s not concerned, she’s jealous

But she isn't concerned... she bombarded him for weeks. It's also HIS sex life he is discussing.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the school.

Let it go, tell him you are happy for him because you could never compromise yourself to that extent- it will infuriate him, trust me.

Don’t be bitter Op, be better. Reporting this to the school just makes you look petty, insecure and jealous. You are simply feeding your ex’s ego if you do that, ignore him and rise above.

This advice is sound.

How on earth is that appropriate?

So you would want your boss to be the person who informed you of this?

Be the better person and ignore.

Actually I'd have a subtle word with the headteacher and say you're concerned your ex is spreading salacious sex related info about the teacher (their employee) he is claiming to date, because thats what he's doing. She might be completely horrified. Say you have a record of his comments. I'd be shocked if any man spoke about me like that.