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To report my ex’s relationship with teacher to the school

280 replies

Yasminaschool · 08/06/2026 18:09

I have changed my user name for obvious reasons.

Ex and I have a very fractious relationship, despite my best efforts to keep things civil for our child’s sake. He has become increasingly nasty in recent weeks and is rubbing his new relationship in my face.

I’ve found out through a third party that the woman he is seeing is a teacher at our child’s primary school. My ex repeatedly denied this when I asked him but at the weekend admitted to this and sent me a string of gloating messages including graphic description of what she lets him do (stuff I was never keen on) and how he feels alive again after many miserable years. He said they both laughed when he told her about our lack of sex life. Really hurtful.

I know I shouldn’t but I really want to retaliate. My friend has suggested that a teacher needs to declare any relationship with a parent and that I should contact the school to raise this.

Is this too petty? Any other suggestions for revenge?

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 10/06/2026 16:29

Kerensa70 · 10/06/2026 16:23

She absolutely is if she’s dating a parent.

She only has an obligation to inform the school if your specific school has a policy that states that staff must disclose if they are dating a parent.

In 30 years I have never worked in a school that had this policy. Either way, it is not a safeguarding issue.

Kerensa70 · 10/06/2026 16:23

Hatty65 · 10/06/2026 16:16

I've had 30 years in teaching, and been SLT for quite a few of them. This is not a safeguarding issue. It concerns me if you believe this, and I would recommend you update your training.

The child is not at risk and the teacher has no obligation to disclose her personal dating life to the school.

She absolutely is if she’s dating a parent.

Hatty65 · 10/06/2026 16:16

Kerensa70 · 09/06/2026 20:12

All personal feelings aside any relationship with a parent of a child in a school you work in, is a safeguarding issue and should be disclosed to the school. She should have done this already but I would make an appointment to see SLT in the school. This is not revengeful or spiteful. I am SLT in a primary school.

I've had 30 years in teaching, and been SLT for quite a few of them. This is not a safeguarding issue. It concerns me if you believe this, and I would recommend you update your training.

The child is not at risk and the teacher has no obligation to disclose her personal dating life to the school.

cardibach · 10/06/2026 14:41

Theunamedcat · 10/06/2026 14:14

Really? 🙄

No. The child isn’t at risk here. Can one of you explain the grounds if it’s so obvious? Safeguarding isn’t just stopping anything upsetting happening near a child.

Rottweilermummy · 10/06/2026 14:26

Revenge is a dish best served cold lol. Personally though I wotld be pitying this poor woman not taking out your annoyance on her. Best thing you can do is to find yourself a nice fella who will appreciate you and may well be better in bed than your Ex. Good luck

Theunamedcat · 10/06/2026 14:14

cardibach · 10/06/2026 11:27

Can you explain how it’s a safeguarding issue? I can’t see it.

Really? 🙄

NotThisShitAgain121 · 10/06/2026 14:09

This!

cardibach · 10/06/2026 11:27

Kerensa70 · 09/06/2026 20:12

All personal feelings aside any relationship with a parent of a child in a school you work in, is a safeguarding issue and should be disclosed to the school. She should have done this already but I would make an appointment to see SLT in the school. This is not revengeful or spiteful. I am SLT in a primary school.

Can you explain how it’s a safeguarding issue? I can’t see it.

pollymere · 10/06/2026 10:55

If it were your child's teacher this might be an issue. If it's just a random teacher there is no issue. If there is a chance your child may have this teacher in September you could mention the relationship to the school because they may wish to avoid it. But Educators often end up teaching their own children for various reasons. It's more of an issue to the student much of the time! There is nothing to "report". Your desire to attempt to destroy the career of an Educator is truly concerning.

TwinklySquid · 10/06/2026 08:51

AfternoonTeaAddict · 08/06/2026 18:11

Revenge isn't going to help and might possibly backfire on you.

But being human I'd be tempted to tell her he is gloating about their sex life and passing on details to you. How revolting.

This!
Id be mortified if a man was telling his ex about our sex life. I wouldn’t be punishing her for that.

Zerosleep · 10/06/2026 08:44

BudgetBuster · 10/06/2026 08:16

He sent the messages in responses to the OP hounding him for weeks about his relationship

She needs to stop, it’s over. She needs to focus on moving on not what he is doing.

BudgetBuster · 10/06/2026 08:31

Quine0nline · 10/06/2026 08:28

"hounding" is that genteel for stalking?

What... no

Hounding means repeatedly asking 🙄
The OP even had another post a few weeks ago (before the name change) about how she kept asking him and he wouldn't answer her.

Dryrobe45 · 10/06/2026 08:31

You’re considering revenge on the wrong person. Your ex’s girlfriend could be a completely innocent party here- you don’t know that your ex isn’t making everything up that he’s saying. He sounds like a dick tbh, so your ‘revenge’ should just be living your best life and feeling glad to be shot of him.

Quine0nline · 10/06/2026 08:28

BudgetBuster · 10/06/2026 08:16

He sent the messages in responses to the OP hounding him for weeks about his relationship

"hounding" is that genteel for stalking?

SpottyPyjama · 10/06/2026 08:25

OhMrBennett · 09/06/2026 19:06

I don't think there is any rule against parent teacher relationships, especially if the child of said parent isn't even in the teachers class. If you did complain, most likely nothing would happen but school would remember you and your child as the parent who wrote a vindictive email.

This is definitely not what would happen at either of the schools I’ve worked at recently.
If anything, staff would be falling over themselves to show the OP that we aren’t alll completely unprofessional and everyone would feel like they could no longer trust the parent shagging teacher who clearly has no regard for professional boundaries. It would be the teacher that ended up with a bad reputation, not a parent who was understandably concerned about the effect this might have on their child.

BudgetBuster · 10/06/2026 08:16

Zerosleep · 10/06/2026 07:27

Unless any message you receive is related to childcare arrangements, totally ignore it. He is obviously trying to get a rise out of you and it’s clearly working. What he does with whom is none of your concern anymore, focus on yourself and your child.

He sent the messages in responses to the OP hounding him for weeks about his relationship

Zerosleep · 10/06/2026 07:27

Unless any message you receive is related to childcare arrangements, totally ignore it. He is obviously trying to get a rise out of you and it’s clearly working. What he does with whom is none of your concern anymore, focus on yourself and your child.

TrishM80 · 10/06/2026 07:10

You'll come across as a sad, bitter ex.

And definitely don't do the "I'm only reporting this out of concern for the teacher" shtick.

DeepRubySwan · 10/06/2026 06:57

Don't do it, don't let him get into your head like this.

mumsntt · 10/06/2026 03:48

grow up

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 10/06/2026 03:23

If there is a school policy about parents dating teachers then definitely report him straight away.

Otherwise, bide your time. He is a real shithead for sending you those messages. I think his new girlfriend may tumble to what he is really like. Sooner rather later.

He's not a great catch. Is he.

Don't delete the messages. You never know,may need them in the future

ElvirRamcic · 09/06/2026 23:22

Unless she’s a nun, I wouldn’t report it.

Cosyblankets · 09/06/2026 22:02

Yasminaschool · 08/06/2026 18:36

Sounds like a ‘relationship’ based on cheap shags and little else.

It really is none of your business.

MmeDubois7 · 09/06/2026 21:58

Report her for what?

Wingingit73 · 09/06/2026 20:22

You both sound terrible.

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