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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who should pay for the dog?

36 replies

JollyGreenLemur · 08/06/2026 17:31

So my mum bought a dog 7 years ago and she already had a dog, her other dog then had an operation on his leg and couldn't play so I put in 2 weeks holiday at work to have her new dog at my house while the other 1 rested, this turned into 6 or 8 weeks then she had her new dog back, I paid for her new dog some training as she wasn't good on a lead (part spaniel) and took her out for walks.
A few years later her other dog then got cancer and maxed her pet insurance and my mum doesnt work so i paid for her "New" dogs dog food, pet insurance, vet bills and for her to go to the groomers, I didn't mind as she didn't have the money and I was in full time work with my bills and mortgage getting paid without struggling.
Now I have 2 kids, a toddler and a baby, im on maternity while January, my partner is in full time work but we are having to be very careful with our money especially as I won't get any money the last 3 months of my maternity, my mum still doesnt work and shes waiting for her pension which I think she gets next year, her other dog has now died and she refers to this dog as a shared dog, I pay and she has her kind of share.
Aibu to stop paying for this dog?

OP posts:
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Hildegard25 · 11/06/2026 19:23

JollyGreenLemur · 08/06/2026 18:09

Shes 64, she doesnt have a good reason

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But she certainly does though.
Her reason is YOU.

Just stop being a pushover
You really don't need to explain anything to her.
Her dog, her problem.

PS: I am a dog owner. My dog, my responsibility.

Laura95167 · 10/06/2026 22:55

JollyGreenLemur · 08/06/2026 18:11

Originally it was to help her out but its carried on and now I can't afford it

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If you cant afford it you should stop

Bignosenobum · 10/06/2026 21:55

PDSA don't always have clinics in every town.

Shellyshep · 10/06/2026 21:48

If she doesn’t work what is she living on? If she’s on benefits she would be able to use the PDSA wouldn’t she? At least that will take care of vets bills and I would tell her she’s got to pay for HER dogs food and other expenses from now on. If we could afford 2 dogs a few years back what’s changed now?

DewDropsAndCobWebs · 09/06/2026 20:37

She may not take it in the first time, or see it as just this time you can't help, but help will resume.
You are going to need to keep it clear, simple and repeat as needed.
"Mum, I've told you I can't support your dog anymore. You will have to take responsibility for your dog"

Bignosenobum · 09/06/2026 20:34

Just explain to her your situation.

Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 09/06/2026 20:30

Left · 09/06/2026 18:45

How is your relationship with your mum generally? Just wondering if this is a single blind spot she has or if this is one of those tip of the iceberg situations?

Agree with other posters who have said to follow up and state you can no longer pay these expenses x

It's not great if im honest, we've never really got on but the other issues I have I can live with, i think i just have contact because shes my mum and now for the kids, I think after her dog died I kept paying as I was just used to doing it but recently I've been watching what I've been spending and I took her to the vets about a month ago and she said there was a prescription and it would only be a couple of pound, I went in and it was £80, this stopped me going in matalan and now shes wanting to go back to the vets and she will be wanting food soon and looking at my mum I don't think shes struggling, I just wanted to make sure I was in the right stopping it before I said no

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 09/06/2026 18:57

You’re enabling your mums laziness…

Stop paying.

Esmeraldathe3rd · 09/06/2026 18:53

Now just don't pay for anything. And when she asks say "I told you I couldn't afford it any more mum, it's not my dog."

Left · 09/06/2026 18:45

How is your relationship with your mum generally? Just wondering if this is a single blind spot she has or if this is one of those tip of the iceberg situations?

Agree with other posters who have said to follow up and state you can no longer pay these expenses x

Redlocks30 · 09/06/2026 18:43

You’re being unreasonable for continuing to fund your mum’s pet for ages!

krustykittens · 09/06/2026 18:41

Bloody hell, OP, your mother is one cheeky cow! This has gone on for so long she now thinks a favour is an entitlement!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/06/2026 17:31

After 7 years, you became part owner.
She can take over the payment.

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 09/06/2026 17:29

She’s given you an “oh well” attitude. Time to match it. Don’t pay for anything further and match her energy, “Oh well—I hope you can come up with the money.” (Shrug.)

Taking money from your child (through manipulation) who is on unpaid maternity leave is a disgusting way to behave.

SunnyRedSnail · 09/06/2026 17:19

JollyGreenLemur · 09/06/2026 17:08

I've rung my mum and I've used this speech, she said oh right, let's hope you find a way to free up some money and then said she was off because she has stuff to do

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Then you message her.

"As per our conversation earlier, I am no longer in a position to subsidise your dog so there will no more payments. Unfortunately I won't be able to put any money aside either and save up:.

Then leave it.

Squeeky112 · 09/06/2026 17:16

JollyGreenLemur · 09/06/2026 17:08

I've rung my mum and I've used this speech, she said oh right, let's hope you find a way to free up some money and then said she was off because she has stuff to do

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"let's hope you find a way to find some money then, mum, because I'm not paying for your dog any more."

Dearg · 09/06/2026 17:15

Your mother is being very manipulative. There is no reason why you should subsidise her lifestyle , especially with a pet she does not seem to care for.

Just stop paying. If your mum won’t step up, then contact the local shelter and surrender the dog.

Sorry Op, that’s not how a mum should behave towards you or her grandchildren.

andnowwhatdowedo · 09/06/2026 17:14

JollyGreenLemur · 09/06/2026 17:08

I've rung my mum and I've used this speech, she said oh right, let's hope you find a way to free up some money and then said she was off because she has stuff to do

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You need to say what you are and are not willing to do for her, OP. She won't know if you don't tell her clearly.

DewDropsAndCobWebs · 09/06/2026 17:13

So she knows she's being cheeky, and it hoping if it's needed, you'll find a way to cover expenses for her.

tiramisugelato · 09/06/2026 17:10

Just stop paying. Cancel the insurance, don't buy the food and stop taking the dog to the groomers. Why are you being such a walkover? Confused

Original poster
JollyGreenLemur · 09/06/2026 17:08

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 08/06/2026 18:15

Just tell her that—when you had 2 dogs, I was in full time work with no dependents, and that has changed. I’m on unpaid maternity leave with 2 dependents now, so I’m no longer in a position to subsidise your pet care. I’m sure this won’t be an issue Mum, as I was initially helping you with two and now you only have one. Then go silent and stop talking (sales technique).

I've rung my mum and I've used this speech, she said oh right, let's hope you find a way to free up some money and then said she was off because she has stuff to do

OP posts:
krustykittens · 08/06/2026 20:00

It's not a shared dog, it's your mother's dog, who you kindly helped pay some bills for and, for some reason known only to you, you didn't stop. But now you can't afford to, so she needs to pay her own bills. If she starts with that shared bullshit you need to point out that all you get out of her owning the dog is the bills.

Redlocks30 · 08/06/2026 19:06

JollyGreenLemur · 08/06/2026 18:09

Shes 64, she doesnt have a good reason

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Then stop funding her…

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 08/06/2026 18:40

Tutorpuzzle · 08/06/2026 18:30

Poor dog. Maybe re-home it with someone that will actually value it?

😂

Tutorpuzzle · 08/06/2026 18:30

Poor dog. Maybe re-home it with someone that will actually value it?