I'm finding parenting tough and mum ignores me

I am a single parent to a non sleeper so I get you must be exhausted, but honestly you can’t force your mum to change, you may not be able to understand why she is the way she is, but you also cannot change it.

I think you need to just realise she won’t help and just get on with things and dealing with how hard you are finding it without factoring your mum into things. Speak to the nursery, or change the nursery if they don’t listen. It’s crazy they are managing to get children that age to sleep for 3 hours, you won’t be the only parent who doesn’t want that happening.

I am sorry to hear that. It's horrendous. How was your mum when you were growing up?

The mother of all drip feeds
oh and give the room thing a rest

It was obvious there was a reason OP wasn’t disclosing about the father. You lot are like a dog with a bone, and do need to learn to read the room.

I think most mums with healthy relationships with their adult children would be there emotionally and practically for them if they lost their partner when pregnant and were now a single parent to a small child. It is a real shame and disappointment that your mum seems not be able to be there for you @BeUmberViper

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. It was still a fair question though.

Are his family still in your life? If it was my sister in law I'd be there in a heartbeat to help her.

The OP's obsession with a mythical "room" isn't helping. Why is her mum the only person she expects help from? Where are all the male relatives? If the OP's mother brought her up as a single person she maybe feels she's done that and deserves a break. The OP sounds poorly supported but pushing her mother away by trying to make her take on more responsibility than she wants to won't help anything.

Hi, are you a single parent with no support from the baby’s other parent? I think that’s what people are trying to find out so that can give you advice.

Sorry. Just saw your post

Are his family still about to help?

Your mother clearly won’t and hoping or expecting her to change isn’t going to happen so you need to forget that route.

😂😂

You should act a certain way because you’ve brought a child into the world. Your victim mentality isn’t doing anyone any good especially yourself.

If your post was about one thing, why go into multiple different things? If it was truly based solely on your mum, there would be no other parts involved.

To be perfectly honest, it certainly sound like your Mums keeping a distance because of how your acting. You can’t even be civil to strangers on the internet trying to help you with things you’ve asked, that suggests you’re not a very rational person all round. Seeks advice, spits fire at advice….. you see how that looks? Or well probably not cos you’re too fired up to see it.

No one said you did, but its none of our fault, is it? You need to seriously adjust your attitude if you want peoples support both here and in real life.

I'm asking why a parent doesn't offer any emotional support.

Oh stop being daft now.

How on earth are we going to know the answer to that considering we've never met your mum and you obviously have?

If you weren't so spiky people would feel easier about chatting to you.

Kindly, there was absolutely no way of anyone reading that particular room.

Rightly or wrongly most assume there’s either a dad involved, or that he should be. People don’t leap to that horrendous conclusion.

In terms of your mum - I’ve got one the same. At the end of the day it’s not her job to help me with my son, as much as I’d appreciate the help. He’s mine to take care of, so I have to do that or find alternatives that work for us.

Shit maybe, but those are the facts.

@BeUmberViper I would just ignore the posts that aren't helpful otherwise you'll derail your own thread as a PP has said.

If there is another parent man or woman.

They should be stepping up unfortunately if you decided to go it alone well you’re going it alone it’s just harder than you expected.

There's no need to be a snappy twat to people tying to help you. Your baby was YOUR choice, no one else's, its not our fault you took more than you can cope with. Maybe try taking some responsibility for your situation rather than blaming everyone else.

Your mum doesn't offer any emotional support because, for some reason, she's either incapable of offering it or she's incapable of recognising that you need it, or both. Learning the exact reasons why probably won't help, and you can't change another person's behaviour anyway. All you can do is change your expectations of them to suit.

You could try being very clear what you want from her and seeing if she is capable of recognising what you are asking for. So you could say to her that you notice that she doesn't respond to you at all when you want to talk about how you're feeling, and is she aware that she blanks you when you discuss feelings.

You could try being very specific, so saying something like Mum, I want to have a chat about how I'm finding parenting hard and I would love it if you could tell me what worked for you when you were parenting me, or similar. A very specific request, rather than a general chat about feelings.

You have to deal with reality, not expectations though.
Looked at dispassionately, your mum has no part in your domestic arrangements and she has no moral duty to pitch in and help bring up her daughter’s child.
Obviously, many grandparents care for their grandchildren, but it’s still not on to view this as a responsibility all grandparents must assume. They’ve already done their part, and anything beyond that is a bonus.

😖

I had my 3rd knowing I would be a single parent as dad refused to be involved. I knew by doing so, the whole weight of parenting would be on me and I already had very little support in terms of family. I’m no contact with my mum.

Yes, I’m exhausted, I get frustrated but this was all through my own choices. None of us know the reasons your child doesn’t have a father hence why it has been asked where he is in all of this.

You’re focussing on what’s wrong with your mum- you’ll probably never get to the bottom of that. What you should be focussed on is trying to actually accept the cards life has dealt you and learn how to manage them.

Sniping at strangers on the internet who are actually trying to give advice answers enough to everyone, it’s likely your own attitude and the fact that no solution offered is ever going to appease you, nor are you willing to actually take on board most of the information given.

After ‘reading the room’ the only barriers I’m seeing is your own attitude.

OP I can hear through every reply of yours how tired and out of resources you feel, and how lonely all this is. I remember this time myself as a parent and it was both the best yet the worst time. No one prepares you for the admin things of having a child, and how others can impact the day to day scenarios.

Sounds like the nursery are not compliant and are working against you, a 3 hour nap is really unhealthy as well for this age. 1 hour max I would say. To me it sounds like they have an issue they are not addressing at their nursery which is unrelated to your DS. More on how they manage things. So I get your frustration and its justified. You will need to put in writing via email, if you have not done so already, not face to face, what impact this is having on you as a family not least your DS quality of life or more his night sleep quality, that his welfare should be the focus, not their stance on how nice it is to let him sleep 3 hours and the break they get from each child who sleeps for that long. Is there an orginasation or firm that is overseeing this nursery? if so make a stern complaint to them and how often you are having to raise this issue, you are their client.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can that is within your power to adjust, work, home and family. But you do need time for you or you will simply burn out and that is not going to serve anyone.

With regards to your mum, could it be that you need to refrain from leaning on her, whether that be emotionally or for any assistance with DS? It sounds like she is not available for whatever reason, and even though our mothers are our first port of call when we need something, it is double as frustrating when all you get a no, and perhaps made to feel like you are not handling motherhood which is not the case here.

Are you able to afford a babysitter? Nanny?

OP you are doing great and I am sure there are so many reading your post relating to every word of yours.