I'm finding parenting tough and mum ignores me

I don't understand why you won't answer the question about whether there is another parent involved - whether this be a dad or another mum. This would also enable people to consider why their side of the family aren't helping.
All you are focusing on is blaming your mum for not helping. She doesn't want to do you need to consider who else is around (other grandparents for example)
Responding to everyone with read the room is rude and I can see why your mum doesn't want to help as I expect her suggestions have gone down just as well (and maybe you even say to her read the room).

You don't want to change nursery but what about a childminder. They are often much more flexible. People are giving you realistic suggestions but you are being quite rude to the them.

Where is the dad is often because if dads here the responsibility lies with him before a grandparent.

As to aborting, you can love and want your child regardless of circumstances and you can love and want your child and still be absolutely overwhelmed by your circumstances and having a hard time and that feels terrible. I'm sorry that's where you find yourself.

You must be filled with lots of feelings of anger and unfairness and you won't have time to process them because you've a baby. It's so so hard.

You can access counselling on the NHS, I know because I have after my son's health issues. It was life changing. I hope you find some peach and support.

Because the responsibility for parenting legally and morally falls to two people Mum and Dad. It does not fall to a grandmother.

This is not being insensitive. This is not being a dick. It's trying to establish circumstances.

You want to pin this responsibility onto your mother. It remains not her responsibility whatever the circumstances - even if the are tragic - unless she is happy to offer. Yes offer. Not be emotionally blackmailed or coerced into it.

If the responsibility is yours alone, unfortunately you have to deal with that.

There are lots of bereavement support groups out there which help with parents and children alike.

I suggest that is where you look for help.

This lashing out at your mother and people trying to help you on MN is nasty. It doesn't lend itself to giving you sympathy that you might otherwise receive here. That's on you and of your own making not MN being an awful place in its own right.

Indeed that's quite a lot of people who have gone out of their way to try and help you only for you to spit the dummy at them. You are trying to see negative where there is a lot of caring and trying to help which is really positive.

No matter what your circumstances, if you can't see this, no one can help you. You need to start helping yourself by looking for these positives. Do this and your life will lift and start to look better without any other changes at all. No one else can do this for you.

Did anyone say that? If they did they were out of order

I’ll have my son with me for the rest of my life actually - he’s disabled. So no, I definitely don’t think that.

My mum has stopped actively parenting her grown up children, and I - like you - can’t make her do otherwise.

It is relevant if you have any additional help in the form of a partner or coparent as you do sound like youre (understandanly) struggling. Im very sorry to hear about your husband.

Could you try the app Peanut to make mum friends? People often write if theyre a single/solo mum. Also Gingerbread is a chairty for single parents, they may do meet ups near you.

Often on here it means the mum doesn't want to admit the dad does no parenting and the mum is blaming the grandparents for not taking part in parenting. That's what people are wondering. No dad or rubbish dad.

Tbf it doesn't literally mean a room. It means be sensitive to a situation, we don't literally have to be in the room. Tone etc can be 'read' online so imo not mentioning a dp meant there wasn't one on the scene.

'Again, I'm asking why she's like that'

Some people are useless. Sadly we have to accept that.

For now you just have to power through. It will get easier is the only thing anyone can say. Best of luck.

Hi OP, you sound in a lot of distress. I think you need to pick apart your relationship with your Mum since you were born and also try to look at her life and try to understand her experiences to answer your own question. No-one here can possibly know on the information given but there are a lot of us with parents who we are not close to and have not been helpful so you're not alone in that.

Has she always been quite disconnected from you? Has there been a time in your life when she has been able to support you fully and you've felt loved and safe? Has anything changed with her? Does she say she wants to help you?

The other posters are trying to help but have the experience of knowing that people don't change unless they want to. They can't help who they are, and right now, you might think your mum is the problem but she isn't fixable. The nursery and your child's sleep routine are two immediate issues that could be fixed...that's why people are going to that. They're trying to help you be less tired.

Read the room means notice the mood in the room. We're not in a room. You are obviously upset with your mum and blaming her for a lot. This may or may not be warranted but there was no room to read re your husband's death.

The only person who knows why she’s like that is your mum. People are offering great advice and trying to help you, but you are hung up on the issue with your mum. You can’t change her, and only she knows why she’s the way she is.

What was she like as a mum when you were little? Were there things she was particularly good at or bad at? Was there anything she enjoyed doing with you?

She might be shite at the advice and supportive type role, or picking up on social queues when someone's looking for help. She might be quite immature, seeing herself as the pity case, and never been good at thinking of others. You might need to tell her straight and ask her to help with things, whether it's giving him a bath or batch cooking some meals - i dunno, whatever she's capable of doing that might make your life easier.

You're going to have to play to your mum's strengths (if she has any) and not expect her to suddenly get the message. Sorry that this is such a crap situation, i hate that there's no one to step-up for you. Give your mum another chance, you'll have to be straight with her (but not angry/resentful), maybe she'll get the message.

If you come back with how she reacts or what she says, someone on here will have experience and might be able to help with what's going in with her and how to deal with it.

“Read the room” doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Some people on here and in the rw think it stops at 16. You didn't choose your mum.

Nurseries that let small children sleep the day away when you’re paying is infuriating! Yes waken a sleeping child - day time is for doing things, bar a small nap if needed, nighttime is for sleeping.

Id look for another nursery.

Your Mum doesn’t want to be involved and doesn’t have to. It’s very draining to be made someone’s sounding board or to have them try to involve you in their problems.

No one knows why your mother isn't interested, you know her better than we do, so if you dont know why, how are we meant to? Ultimately you cant change her. Is your dad interested? Are your husbands parents inerested? Siblings?

You will definitely be eligible for counselling on the NHS.

Can you afford to take time off sick with stress? I think you genuinely are unwell with it all.

You can’t change your mum, you can only change your own situation. This may sound simplistic and I’m sure you’ll tell me you can’t to all of the following but this is what I’d try to do in your shoes:

1. ask for a meeting with the nursery ASAP. Discuss how difficult he is on a night because he’s having such a long nap at nursery and how negatively this is impacting your work and life. Request they reduce the nap quite drastically.

2. look at finding a more flexible job. Easier said than done in the current market I know but one where you have to work Xmas Eve when you have a small child you should be spending it with isn’t the best… Especially when you’re reliant on paid childcare and you’re upset they close the nursery to spend the special day with their families!

3. know it will get easier in time. 2 is a notoriously difficult age, just think in 1.5 years he’ll be in school full time and you’ll only have to worry about wraparound care. The sleep issues are very, very short term for the vast majority of kids too.

Your mum is a bit of a side quest, she’s never been supportive historically so I don’t think she’ll alter sadly. You can only control your own life.

I never understand this unless the grandparents floated through parenting when it was their turn. Maybe they did due to the ‘village’ which doesn’t exist now for parents. If they didn’t float though, as I suspect so many didn’t, why wouldn’t they now step-in to help when they know from experience how difficult parenting can be, especially without support. How could a mum not support her desperate daughter even if ‘she’s had her time’?

Parenting isn’t easy and I will be telling my children when adults exactly what it is like so they can make informed decisions whether or not it is for them. I will also be telling them, because I know it’s not easy, that I will be there to help whenever they need me. My children will always be my priority, my relationship with grandchildren comes second.

@BeUmberViper I’m sorry OP that you have no support especially being let down by your mother. But it’s unlikely to change so try to stop thinking about it as anger on top of what you have to manage will not improve your situation, it will just make you desperately sad.