To drop future SIL from being a bridesmaid?

My SIL is older than DH, he is a nerd and quite shy but a lovely person. He was a late bloomer and I was on}y his second GF at 29. When we married his sister said she was surprised that he had ever got married to his face at the actual wedding. She is over bearing and dramatic just like your SIL. She is deeply unhappy and has never married or had children. There was a period where I went NC. When people wonder why they are unsuccessful in love well it’s obvious why she isn’t.

Can't you put some paragraph breaks in that wall of text?

Your SIL is an attention seeking Queen Bee - just get on with your special day and ignore her. I would get the bridesmaid dress back off of her though.

Bride and bridesmaids have all had unrealistic and unnecessary expectations, you've all been dramatic and immature and meddling, you're all stomping your feet over....nothing. Just let her make her own decisions, you make your own, leave your DH and MIL out of it - and enjoy your wedding day.

This sounds like good news, you don't want someone like that at your wedding causing problems.

Congratulations 💐💐💐❤️

Exactly what I was thinking.

I would never expect somebody to take annual leave to go wedding dress shopping with me. As she thought it was to get her bridesmaid dress, obviously the message wasn't clear.

Why did she have to attend your hen night? If an adult says they don't want to do something, surely it should be respected - not asked again and again until they flip.

Forget the SIL. Really. You clearly have a supportive partner and lovely friends. Celebrate this and have a fabulous day😘

How many times did you try speaking to her before you got your MIL involved?

To offer another point of view: you've felt obligated to have her as a bridesmaid, at the same time I expect she's probably felt obligated to then say yes.

I also wouldn't want to take a day off work for someone else's wedding dress shopping. Were you clear that it was for your dress only or did you just frame it as "we're going dress shopping" when you invited her?

It sounds like she's been pestered about the hen do and tried to offer some acceptable excuses (work, money) and instead of taking the hint your bridesmaids have pushed until she's given them the real reason. You aren't close and she thinks you've been difficult to be around lately. Yes you've had things going on, I don't minimise that, but it doesn't mean people you weren't actually close with are going to find it easy or enjoyable to be around you. I wouldn't have used the term mood hoover but honestly it can be tough being around people when they're in bouts of depression.

And then to top it off you phone MIL and put her in the middle. Kindly, your reasoning for doing so is a load of crap. Did you even try to phone her? Or just assume she wouldn't pick up so didn't bother? You or your partner could have then sent a text message. Anything other than telling her mum and making her a messenger between her kids. And people have said it's your partner's sister so he should deal with it, but she was your bridesmaid and this has all blown up because of your hen do, I don't agree that it's your partner's issue to solve.

She hasn't covered herself in glory but honestly neither have you. This reeks of childish drama and I think you, your partner and his sister all need to accept nobody's behaved maturely here.

It's really crappy to make another adult pass the message on. You could have texted or left a voicemail, you didn't have to involve MIL.
Other than that you don't want her to come, your partner says he doesn't and your SIL doesn't want to come so what's the issue? She doesn't come and everyone is happy. You don't need to do anything except concentrate on having a lovely day with people who care about you.

Lots of mean/obtuse responses. She's a dick but it's sorted now. Move on and have a great wedding day x

How old is she……6?? Just let her get on with her stroppy sulky episode and enjoy your hen with your friends! Best wishes for the forthcoming wedding OP 💐🥂🍾

You don’t sound sufficiently mature to be getting married.

It all sounds like it has got a bit over the top, which is not surprising because weddings and families can be a real nightmare!! Personally, if a bridesmaid was like this, I'd have probably ignored it and let it go because I don't need the drama around my wedding of demoting people publicly after buying a dress for them, and people can be odd around weddings. You chose her, so you knew the potential risk and clearly actuallt don't like her or vice versa - so recipe for disaster really and i don't think you should have asked her at the start and then demoted her in front of everyone when she was true to form. I think given you decided with partner to remove her as bridesmaid, you or he should've messaged her direct and gone with "appreciate you didn't fancy the hen and felt I wasn't great to hang out with right now, so it probably makes sense if you don't have to stick with me all day at the wedding, we would still love you to come as a normal guest and you can have fun without having to be next to me all day"

I think by going via future MiL you've given the impression you aren't speaking to her, plus you've dragged in another person creating yet more drama. However, it is what it is. Neither you nor your partner care about it really, so deep breath and let it go. Let her do whatever she wants and don't give it a 2nd thought. If you do any more calling/messaging etc it'll just add fuel, you've said your bit and demoted her, she has reacted how she has- that's it done, leave it alone. You're both as bad as each other really for creating drama, leave it alone and focus on enjoying your wedding without her.

Oh, dear. Thing is, this is not like a falling-out with a friend; it's much worse. She's going to be in your life forever, she's going to be your kids' aunt (if you have kids) and people decades from now will be looking at your family wedding photos and going "Where's Sarah?" You'll have to deal with her when your PILs get old and sick, and for many family events between now and then. You are going to be family.

For all these reasons, I think it's worth trying to smooth things over with her. I know you said you're not up for it, but try. Send her a message saying that you really hope she will come to the wedding, and invite her out for afternoon tea with you beforehand to try to smooth things over. Point out to her that you're going to be family for a long time and aunts to each other's kids, so it would be really nice if you could start again.

Even if it doesn't work, I think you will be really happy that you tried.

Does she live very far from you?

I would absolutely love to hear the SIL's side of the story here...

Sorry, you are marrying the man you love, she is being a MOH-zilla.
Believe me, Life is too short
Your Fiancée can call her, leave a message, say “stop being a royal prima donna. Come or don’t. It won’t change the day”

Her behaviour was out of order re the hen, but it was wrong of you to tell her through her mother that you no longer wanted her to be bridesmaid. That was cowardly of you.

Fucking hell...SO much unnecessary drama!
I feel exhausted just reading your post.
Are you all in your early 20s, perchance?
Just enjoy your bloody wedding day and leave SIL to sulk.

I’d withdraw her invite to the wedding, leaving no room for her to change her mind.

Did you try to talk to her first about what your friend reported back? Ensure it wasn’t a case of misinterpretation?

Not sure why your first option was to go full scorched earth, ring her mum (I mean how old are you), ban her from being a Bridesmaid (again juvenile stuff), and then pass a message on not to contact you at all - so she couldn’t even explain herself if she wanted to.

Massive unnecessary escalation