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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

413 replies

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 10:35

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

OP posts:
ElenOfTheWays · 08/06/2026 16:32

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 11:31

I’m old, fat and ugly. If I raise my standards I might as well buy cats and wear purple.

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You say that like it's a bad thing. I like purple and have 2 cats.
Men are overrated. Be a proud swamp witch. We have all the fun trust me 😺😈

PotatoLove · 08/06/2026 16:31

That sounds pretty disgusting tbh, be careful OP ❤️

BigBruisedFruit · 08/06/2026 16:31

Being single really isn't so bad. I don't get why women are ok to put up with this kind of rubbish just so they can be in a relationship. Is it the fear of loneliness?? The social stigma?? I just don't get it. Being single is so nice and easy.

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 16:31

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 16:24

Stop having sex with people you can't even talk to about safe sex. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour.

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I’ve told him he left a condom inside me. Is that not discussing it?

OP posts:
Superhansrantowindsor · 08/06/2026 16:29

red flag. Dump.

LeedsLoiner · 08/06/2026 16:26

Being a bloke I 'm not really sure how to define "the ick" but I think this might be it...and quote the other Mumsnet staple response LTB !

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 16:24

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 10:35

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

Stop having sex with people you can't even talk to about safe sex. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour.

DalmationalAnthem · 08/06/2026 16:22

SapphireSteel28 · 08/06/2026 16:18

You’re not old if you’re still fertile, and I bet you’re not ugly either. Maybe this man is not sure how to use condoms. I’d bring this up and have a proper discussion.

No way should OP lower herself to having a discussion with the man! Have you read her replies?

SapphireSteel28 · 08/06/2026 16:18

You’re not old if you’re still fertile, and I bet you’re not ugly either. Maybe this man is not sure how to use condoms. I’d bring this up and have a proper discussion.

MsGreying · 08/06/2026 16:18

@Slv199
Oh this sounds unpleasant.
You deserve so much more. Be kind to yourself and ditch him.

Okiedokie123 · 08/06/2026 16:16

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 11:31

I’m old, fat and ugly. If I raise my standards I might as well buy cats and wear purple.

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Nowt wrong with cats and purple!
I am very much embracing much of what is mentioned in that poem.
Being single isn’t disastrous either. It’s definitely better than being with a selfish oaf/oik.

Mumandcarer80 · 08/06/2026 16:16

What a dosser you’ve got 2 options.

  1. Put a small bathroom bin next to his side of the bed and ask him to use it.

2.Or just dump him. him I would go with option 2.

tokennamechange · 08/06/2026 16:11

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 11:31

I’m old, fat and ugly. If I raise my standards I might as well buy cats and wear purple.

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But you might also still have some self respect?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/06/2026 16:10

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 16:10

I have a pregnancy test waiting but I don’t need to pee at the moment.

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Let’s just hope it’s negative.

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 16:10

Holidaymodeon · 08/06/2026 15:46

Oh op he sounds grim, I hope you are ok, some people have been mean on here I guess they think it’s ’tough Love’? Idk but nobody in a sexual health clinic would speak to you like that or judge you like has happened here, please don’t let them scare you off going and getting a clean bill of health so you can rest easy.

fair play for saying you will end it with him.
i have experienced similar and given the benefit of the doubt, things didn’t improve.

look after yourself and see this as you building your list of red flags and acceptable behaviour etc for when you’re ready to date again

Edited

I have a pregnancy test waiting but I don’t need to pee at the moment.

OP posts:
ClaireEclair · 08/06/2026 16:07

I’m sorry OP, this is awful. And please please don’t put yourself down like the way you have on this thread. You’re worth so much more than this and so are your kids. If you do want to find someone special you will but please raise the bar xxxx

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 16:05

Motnight · 08/06/2026 15:15

That's not what I aimed to do, Op, apologies if that's how my post made you feel.

I was trying to tell you that you are worth more than the treatment you have received.

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Apology accepted. It’s easy to misinterpret comments.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 08/06/2026 16:02

Tell him to dispose of the condom properly! He should know what to do and is being highly disrespectful.

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 15:53

Sassylovesbooks · 08/06/2026 14:57

Condoms can come off, if sex is vigorous or he's going soft and doesn't pull out before that happens. However, if the condom is coming off, and it's ended up inside you OP, or in the bed, then the contents aren't staying inside the condom! Most men would be freaked out, if there was a chance that you could be pregnant. I'm assuming he knows you have the coil fitted? Your partner never mentioned the condom coming off to you, and hasn't freaked out at potential pregnancy.

I would be concerned that he's deliberately allowing the condom to come off, during sex, in the hope you fall pregnant. Most men would make sure they remove themselves from inside their partner, and the condom comes with them!!

Most definitely check for STI's and pregnancy. Don't see him again, preferably block him!

He doesn’t know I have a coil because I always worry if I tell men they will pressure me not to use condoms. No he hasn’t told me the condom has come off. I told him this time it had. He didn’t freak out about STIs or pregnancy. Last time it happened I found out that my coil had slipped and I freaked out and took about 5 tests before I convinced myself I wasn’t pregnant. I fear he would be pleased if I was pregnant. At least from the way he goes on about his other children. I cannot do it again and am freaked out at being pregnant. I don’t trust the coil after the last one slipped.

OP posts:
Merc123 · 08/06/2026 15:52

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 11:29

I’ve only slept with him 3 or 4 times.

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Ack...so 50-75% of the time its been left in totally inappropriate places?? Thats a terrible track record. Got. To. Go.

Chuckle about the coil...but good to get checked since he does sound icky and if its coming off IN you and since this is a new (and hopefully done) relationship...who else has it happened with?? The exposure should elicit 😬(and 😳😱), not his asinine response. Here's to better future men (or just shags)!

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 08/06/2026 15:52

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 12:53

Well isn’t that great for you that you’ve found someone who reaches your bar. I’m just a sad loser who’ll sleep with anyone who shows her any interest and I deserve everything I get.

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Who's done this to you?

Whoever they were, they did it because of how shit they felt about themselves

BabyFever64722 · 08/06/2026 15:49

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 11:31

I’m old, fat and ugly. If I raise my standards I might as well buy cats and wear purple.

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To be honest, I find men just aren't worth the effort. The cat ladies with purple hair (or whatever the stereotype is) are probably the happiest women among us.

superspideysense · 08/06/2026 15:47

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 14:16

We either fall asleep, or he talks whilst I doze or we have a cup of tea. We’ll have sex again later.

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Sorry OP but if you’ve had sex more than once in one day/night then does this mean you’ve had sex with him 1-2 days. So the weird condom behaviour has happened a couple of times in the same day.

I just wonder if it’s new and he’s got overexcited and kinda forgotten?! IDK. Just seems a bit strange. Having a cuppa etc all seems normal so feels a bit of an mis match of behaviour!

anyway - I hope you’re ok. You can never know these things until they happen!

Holidaymodeon · 08/06/2026 15:46

Oh op he sounds grim, I hope you are ok, some people have been mean on here I guess they think it’s ’tough Love’? Idk but nobody in a sexual health clinic would speak to you like that or judge you like has happened here, please don’t let them scare you off going and getting a clean bill of health so you can rest easy.

fair play for saying you will end it with him.
i have experienced similar and given the benefit of the doubt, things didn’t improve.

look after yourself and see this as you building your list of red flags and acceptable behaviour etc for when you’re ready to date again

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 15:43

DixonD · 08/06/2026 14:53

Right, so at least HALF of the time he has left the condom inside - and has nothing to say for himself but 😬. WTF...

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It’s not at least half the time. I think I meant occasions rather than times.

OP posts:
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